Five Struggles Women With Larger Bodies Face at Work

You may not be able to change weight bias, but you can change how you react to it

This article is the first in a series addressing the challenges that women with larger bodies and those with poor body image face in corporate America and what they can do about it. 

I’m choosing to use the terms “larger bodies” and “higher weight”. Even though “fat” can simply be a descriptor, like “short” or “tall, it’s widely used in our culture as an insult. I could use the term “fat” as a way of reclaiming its meaning as a simple descriptor. For this article, I’m choosing not to use the term “fat” because my body is average-sized. I buy clothes that fit me off the rack. I have not lived in a larger body and can’t share my experience of this. I’m sharing my observations from clients and from my own experience as someone who had poor body image in the past.

Body Size and Body Image

I won’t assume that every woman with a larger body has a poor body image. I also know that women with average or slim-sized bodies have poor body image. Although I’m sharing here the struggles women with larger bodies may face because of their size, some of these struggles may come from their body image. Therefore, you may have an average-sized body and feel confronted with these obstacles in the workplace. 

Meet Carol

In a recent market research interview, Carol (not her real name) shared her experience of her weight in the workplace. “When I first started here, I was at my thinnest and got attention from the owner of the company. He would stop by my desk, chat and ask me what I was working on. I had an injury during the pandemic shutdown and couldn’t work out. I’ve gained weight. Now, when I’m in the office, he barely notices me. I wonder if he doesn’t recognize me. Now that I think about it, when I look around the office, most of the consultants (that work with clients) that he hires are all thin.” 

Weight Bias

Carol’s experience with her boss at work may have everything to do with her weight, or there may be other factors involved. Yet, the research is clear. Weight bias in the workplace is significant, primarily because of the stereotypes employers have of higher-weight people. This qualitative review shows that people in larger bodies are assumed to be less motivated, conscientious, trusted, and reliable. They’re believed to be emotionally unstable, have lower interpersonal skills, and are less productive. As a result, people in larger bodies are at a higher risk of being discriminated against around hiring and promotion decisions. 

Women in larger bodies are trying to survive working in environments that may not value or respect them because of weight bias. It’s challenging to change and shift a company’s culture and individual belief systems. But you can be aware of how you’re reacting to this bias by being more aware of these inner obstacles. 

Here are five obstacles that you’re likely facing. 

#1: You feel invisible. 

This is how Carol felt. It may be subtle or overt. Not only do you feel like you’re not acknowledged when you walk in the room, but you also don’t get addressed or spoken to. You may feel paranoid around this, except you notice that when your counterpart who is in a smaller body gets more attention than you do. 

This may feel conflicting. You don’t like not being acknowledged or noticed. But you may also not feel safe to be visible because of your body. 

#2: Proving yourself is as important as ever. 

Some ambitious women with poor body image will do whatever it takes to prove themselves as competent and effective, as a way of ensuring their body size isn’t an obstacle. What’s wrong with that? you ask. 

Proving yourself is an exhaustive and never-ending endeavor. Women often sacrifice their health and sanity by putting in long hours at work and forgoing other activities in life that support their health and happiness. They aren’t just trying to do high-quality work, they are trying to show the world they’re worth because they see their body size as a problem. 

#3: You need to show co-workers and clients that you’re trying to lose weight. And you’re suspecting they assume you’re trying. 

While at a business lunch with a client, you don’t think twice about what you order to eat. Something light, like a salad with grilled chicken or soup. Or, you’ll make sure that you don’t eat the full meal, and ask the server for a take-out box. 

It’s stressful to feel other people watching what you eat. One client shared that avoids eating in the cafeteria and just snacks on a granola bar at her desk. She waits to eat when she’s in the privacy of her own home. 

#4: You may be preoccupied with your weight and food. 

We live in a culture where dieting is normal. Women with larger bodies are being told their body is a problem, and dieting is the most common “solution” given to them. Yet, dieting doesn’t lead to long-term weight loss. Instead, dieters are distracted, often feel guilty and ashamed, feel like a failure, and are consumed with how to lose weight. This takes a tremendous amount of time and energy, things that the ambitious woman in the workplace doesn’t have much to spare. 

#5: You hide. 

Many women with poor body image see their bodies as something wrong or bad. Hiding, which can include not showing up and being seen in public and covering up in dark or oversized clothes, is a tactic used to keep people from judging their bodies. If they aren’t seen, they won’t be looked up and down in disdain or receive comments about their weight. 

These struggles pose challenges to your own professional advancement, health, and happiness.  

How can you share your ideas, take risks, and ask for more responsibility and more exposure, if you’re hiding, preoccupied and feeling (and being) judged? 

Now that I’ve shared what these five struggles are, in my next article I’ll share how they impact you. 

Would you be willing to share your experience with your weight in the workplace?

Feeling Stuck Professionally? Changing Your Relationship with Your Body Will Propel You Forward

The massive relief I felt the morning after I was fired from my job was palpable. I was shocked by how differently I felt. I knew that the office politics, the post-merger tension, the budget cuts, and the bleak financial forecast were all wearing me down. But I had no idea it had a physical effect on me until I was free of it. 

It was as if the signals of my body were turned on, bright and blinding. I couldn’t look away if I tried. 

This was a pivotal moment for me. I was starting to tune into my body. 

I had spent decades fighting with my body, but that’s not what I called it at the time. I was dieting and trying to lose that post-pregnancy weight after having three kids. I was constantly running, biking, and working out. My size ten body just wasn’t slim enough. I saw myself as the “big girl” with big bones. In my mind, my body wasn’t good enough and I needed to make it better. 

What I didn’t realize at the time is that by fighting my body, I was disconnected from it. 

I know I’m not alone with this. A coaching colleague recently shared with me that he used to live his life from his neck up. This was his way of telling me that he was disconnected from his body too.  

We haven’t been taught to tune into our bodies. Are you angry? Let it go. Are you sad? Hide it. Are you not feeling well? Just keep going. Are you tired? Get a coffee.   

Over 90% of women are dissatisfied with their bodies. You don’t have to have a poor body image to be disconnected from your body. But if you are unhappy or even hate the body you have, you’re unlikely to want to respect it, and tune into it. Folks with poor body image spend their energy judging their body from the outside. They don’t know how to live inside of it. 

My clients share with me time and time again what it’s like to be disassociated and fight with their bodies. 

They skip lunch and then get so angry at themselves when they overeat after dinner. 

They get emotionally overwhelmed because of a disagreement they had with their boss and can’t find the focus to be productive the rest of the day. 

They beat themselves up for not finding time to work out, even though they’re a single mom with two tweens at home, work full-time and are overloaded with volunteer opportunities. 

For these folks, their body and their basic needs are dismissed and devalued. We’ve been taught to prioritize productivity and honoring our professional responsibilities over caring for ourselves. 

What price are you paying? 

Years ago, my body knew what it was like to feel that relief. I’m sure it also knew what it was like to feel the stress and burden I was experiencing in the years leading up to that point. But I didn’t notice or feel that. Instead, I just put my head down and tried to survive it. 

What signals from your body are you dismissing? 

Do you keep telling yourself that  “you can do this” but deep down, you know you’re completely exhausted and depleted? 

Are you feeling stuck and are just trying to survive life at work? 

It’s not just a price you're paying. There is an opportunity cost you’re missing.  When you start to tune into your needs, you’ll know how to manage stress, anxiety and any emotional ups and downs. Your body holds intuition and wisdom. When you tune into your body, you’ll be more creative and connected to your passion and purpose. Instead of fighting yourself, you’ll feel more in the flow because you’re aligned with yourself. 

Would you like to move forward professionally, but you’re not sure where to start? 

I work with ambitious women that are tired of the struggle with their body image and perfectionism and are ready to move to the next level professionally. If this is you, schedule a clarity call with me to explore how we can work together.

An Unsuspecting Professional Obstacle: Negative Body Image

Andrea, a fictitious typical client, has an important presentation to give today to her client’s board. Even though she’s confident in her preparation, she’s dreading what to wear. 

She wishes her favorite suit would still fit. Her go-to blouse is snug in all the wrong places. She’s frustrated with her weight, her body and herself. How could she let herself get here? Ultimately, 

she opted for the safe bet; something flowy that covers her up in dark colors, the ones that will make her blend in, not stand out. 

If you can relate to Andrea, you know what confidence in many areas of your life feels like. But when it comes to how you look and your body size, you feel like you're lacking and not measuring up. 

Your worries about your body don’t start and end when you’re getting dressed. You’ve developed an inner dialogue that’s constantly criticizing yourself. The internal conversation often gets louder and meaner when you're shocked as you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror or look at a picture of yourself. 

Body image is a sensitive topic, especially in the workplace. When you’ve proven yourself to be an outstanding leader and highly competent in your role, it’s risky to share your vulnerabilities about how you feel about your body. 

This is why when you consider how you can continue to advance professionally, your negative body image may not even be on your radar as an obstacle. Many people who have a poor body image have been challenged by it for most of their lives and just see it as something they need to deal with. 

We aren’t freely talking about body image. But it’s likely impacting you personally and professionally. 

What Body Image Is

Essentially, it’s the image you have of your own body and it’s the image you have of what you think others think of your body. Even if you try to not think about your body, you still have an image of it. 

Your body image was formed at a young age when you noticed your own body and how it fit into the ideals of culture. You’re well aware of what an ideal body looks like and the praise women receive for having an ideal (or nearly ideal) body. They’re seen as beautiful, strong, capable, attractive and sexy. 

Your body image isn’t about the size of your body, it’s about how you see yourself as a whole person because of the size and shape of your body. If you see yourself as overweight, you may see yourself as bad, wrong, unattractive, or out of control. 

Not surprisingly, having a poor body image impacts your confidence. Just like Andrea. She felt confident to some degree, but her body image made her self-conscious. 

Your body image sits on a spectrum. You don’t just have a great body image or a negative one. You likely have something in between. And your body image can change over time. 

Here’s a few things to consider as you take stock of your body image: 

• Do you consider your body an enemy, a stranger, a casual acquaintance or your best friend? 

• How much time do you spend thinking about your weight, the size of your body and what you eat? 

• Do you try to avoid and push away any thoughts about your body? 

• Are you working hard to try to lose weight and improve your body? 

• How often do you have negative internal conversations about your body? 

Over 85% of adult women in the United States are unhappy and dissatisfied with their bodies. Negative feelings about our bodies are ubiquitous, but that’s not a reason to live with this negativity and discomfort. In addition, your body image impacts many areas of your life; your relationship with food, your sex life, your self-care, and undoubtedly, your performance and advancement in the workplace. 

Here is why. 

• Poor body image is taking up valuable time and energy. 

• You’re hiding yourself because it doesn’t feel safe to be visible. 

• You don’t feel truly confident. 

• You often overcompensate professionally by trying to be perfect. This is just exhausting. 

• You’re often waiting for external recognition from others. Because you’ve bought into the idea that you’ll feel more confident when you’ve lost weight, you don’t ask, put yourself out there or initiate. You’re waiting for your body to change to go after your dreams. 

• You’re disconnected from your body. You don’t take care of it because you don’t like it. 

I’m not advocating for you to try to fix or change your body so you can feel better about it. Doing so will only reinforce a negative body image. You don’t need to change your body to change your body image. 

Instead, start to notice how you relate to your body. How often do you tune in and listen? Notice how you talk to yourself about your body. 

This may be confirming what you’ve been suspecting for a long time; your relationship with your body needs improving.

Ready to get coaching around changing your body image so you can advance professionally on your own terms?  Book a clarity call with me.

The Unspoken Costs of Hating Your Body

Sara dreads the days when she has to leave her home office to see a client or meet her team in the office because she can’t just wear a blouse and comfy yoga pants. Days before, she plans what to wear but can’t find something she feels that great in. This is when her negative self-talk about her body starts to get really loud. “I can’t believe I’ve let myself get here. I wish I could lose some weight.” 

When she settles on a pair of dress pants, she feels self conscious because they feel so snug around her waist. All day, she makes sure she’s covered up with a blazer. She doesn’t want others to notice how snug her clothes are and judge her for it. 

These thoughts occupy her mind most of the day. Sure, Sara has a busy day with some month-end deadlines. But every time she catches herself in the mirror or walks into a meeting, her negative self-talk starts up again. And it’s pretty cruel. 

When clients like Sara share with me what it’s like to hate their body, the things they say to themselves are really hard for me to hear. “I’m disgusting.” “What’s wrong with me?” Ironically, it’s not hard for my client to speak to herself so harshly. She’s used to talking to herself like this. For clients like Sara, this is a familiar voice. 

Many women don’t think this voice is a problem. Yet, their mind is preoccupied with these conversations most of the day. Especially on the days when they are outside of the comforts of their home, in groups of people, when they’re speaking publicly or they’re traveling. This internal voice gets louder when they feel exposed. 

Which is why many women who hate their body avoid situations like these and forgo opportunities to be more visible. It’s important to let this sink in. Many women are working hard for their next promotion, but if they’re constantly berating themselves about their body, it’s unlikely they will “put themselves out there”. 

The irony is that some believe they need this voice to motivate them. They believe that if they let themselves be okay with their body as it is, then they won’t be inspired to get to the gym or eat healthy foods. Some people don’t hear how mean this voice really is. They agree with the voice that tells them their body is bad or disgusting. Telling yourself over and over that your body is disgusting hurts. But believing you deserve to berate yourself hurts more. 

We don’t call out that this dynamic is costly. But we need to. Sara wasted so much time and energy speaking so negatively about herself. She can never get that time and energy back. It’s gone forever. 

When judging herself so harshly, she also believes others are judging her too. Therefore, Sara hides herself. She covers herself up with oversized clothes. She avoids being in situations that leave her feeling exposed. Deep down, Sara doesn’t feel good enough to be seen just as she is. 

The professional cost comes down to Sara’s willingness to be professionally visible. She misses opportunities to build face-to-face relationships, speak publicly, and advocate herself to be placed on high-profile projects. 

It’s hard to come to terms with the impact of hating your body. Especially if you can’t remember a time in your life when you were happy with your body. It’s important for you to know that you can have a different relationship with your body; one that feels more peaceful and nourishing, one that’s not so harsh, one that doesn’t make you feel so exposed. Assess the cost and you’ll be one step closer to changing how you talk to yourself about your body. 

Would You Feel More Confident if You Lost Weight?

Let’s talk about the trap most people are in around how they feel about their bodies and their confidence. 

This is one of those questions that I’m not sure why I bother asking. I know the answer. It would be like asking; do you prefer the sunshine over cloudy days?, or do you like puppies?. 

Yes. Sure. Definitely. Of course. 

Despite how prevalent this belief is, the typical approach to weight loss is NOT making people more confident. Just the opposite. 

Let’s consider Jane, an amalgamation of the majority of my clients. Jane has been dieting since she was 14. She’s been successful at losing weight temporarily, but inevitably the weight she lost just comes back and then some. She’s tried everything; Weight Watchers, Noom, intermittent fasting and juice cleanses. 

Jane often fantasizes about the days when she felt like she was on top of the world because she fit into smaller jeans. She shares with me how hopeless she feels and how disgusted she is with her body. Jane’s exhausted, but she just wants to feel better about herself. Even though she’s coming to the understanding that diets aren’t the solution, she can’t imagine feeling confident in her current body size.  

Diet companies relentlessly market their products and claim that they work. But what they fail to tell us is that even though diets may help people lose weight in the short term, 90% of diets result in weight gain in the long term. This convinces people that they haven’t found the right diet yet and they should keep looking. Diet companies also depict active and happy people after they’ve lost weight, reaffirming the belief that our confidence does come packaged in a smaller body. 

Most people first go on a diet because they’ve been told their (larger) body is wrong or bad. When Jane was 14, losing weight meant that she could look like her friends and feel accepted. Her parents praised her when she was thin. But now, Jane doesn’t know what it’s like to NOT diet. She’s always held the belief that her body is wrong. 

How do we build confidence in ourselves when we believe our body is too big, wrong, fat or bad and needs to be fixed? 

While Jane diets, she often ignores or neglects the signals her body shares with her. She’ll not eat when she’s uncomfortably hungry. She’ll choose to eat the ‘right’ foods even though they don’t leave her feeling satisfied. She often ignores her body’s exhaustion and will try to power through her work day with coffee and energy snacks. When she does eat foods she’s not supposed to eat, she feels so guilty and ashamed. 

Dieting disconnects people from their bodies. Worse yet, when people aren’t following their food plan, they feel like a failure. 

The strategy most people are using to feel better about themselves is in fact, the problem. Pursuing weight loss erodes people’s confidence. 

True confidence is something we feel in our bodies. 

How can we feel more confident if we are disconnected from this feeling? 

The truth is that no matter what, your body isn’t broken and doesn’t need fixing. This may take lot’s of unlearning. Body satisfaction can take time. Instead of dieting, choose to respect and care for your body.

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If you’d like coaching around body satisfaction and feeling comfortable in your own skin, schedule a clarity call with me.

When Someone Comments on Your Weight

When I was in college, I was training to "walked on" to our cross country team. I don't have a typical runners body, but I loved running and wanted to challenge myself. Before the season, I went to my cousins wedding and sat with a family friend. I shared my training with him and my plan to join the team. In front of the whole table, he said "if you're going to do that, you better lose some weight." 

After the initial "fuck you" that I screamed in my head, I felt the sting of embarrassment and shock. I had no words that I could say politely out loud.

But the sucky part was that his comment only confirmed for me my biggest fear at the time. Big girls don't run cross country. I knew I needed to be smaller and leaner. Little did this man know, I was doing my best to eat as little as possible. 

Uggh. If you've had this experience, and I'm suspecting you have, I'm so freakin' sorry. I wish we didn't live in a culture of dieting where it's acceptable (and sometimes encouraged) for people to comment on other's bodies. 

Sadly, it's very common for us to receive comments about our bodies from friends and loved ones. This family friend must have thought he was doing me a favor by telling me I needed to lose weight. Or he was just trying to be mean. Or he was fuckin' oblivious. Or all of the above. 

It doesn't matter what the intentions are of the people delivering comments to us, it's important to remember that your body is none of their business. I know that doesn't keep them from hurling comments your way. But it can help you establish a clear boundary with people. 

One of my responses to this family friend could have been to tell him that I was dieting. This is a common way people respond. It's like "Don't worry. I know. I've got this handled.".  But you don't need to explain how you care for your body to other people. Your body is none of their business. 

You may want to joke or even make fun of yourself. If you received comments on your body, you may have automatically laughed. Laughing is a natural way to discharge discomfort. No need to get down on yourself about that. You're just caring for yourself. 

And, their comments may have surprised the shit out of you. It may have come out of nowhere and really shocked and stunned you. It's not always easy to be thinking on your feet like this. It's okay if you didn't have a response. You were attacked. Don't blame yourself for not having your own defense mechanism ready. 

But if you do want to have words with folks that comment on your body, here are some ideas: 

• No thank you. 

• Please don't comment on my body. 

• Your comments hurt me. Please stop. 

You can use these same words if people are commented on your loved one's bodies. I highly recommend that if you are an adult and someone is commenting on a child's body that you say something to that person. Let them know that they need to stop commenting immediately. No one deserves to be bullied for their body. No one. 

In the meantime, do your best to be compassionate to yourself. You deserve respect. If you don't receive it from others, you can still offer it to yourself. 

I’m Calling Bullshit On Body Image Struggles

“I'm feeling so uncomfortable in my clothes. Especially because I know those jeans used to fit me.” 

“I don't want friends (work colleagues, family I haven't seen in a while) to see me because of my weight.”

“I cringe when I see my reflection in the mirror.” 

“I hate how bloated and achy my belly feels.”

When I hear things like this from my clients, they’ll also tell me that they don’t talk “about this stuff” with anyone else. 

I know that 95% of women are dissatisfied with their bodies, so there is a very good chance you’re also pretty critical of your body. 

But, does it feel as jagged and sharp to you as it does to me? 

When I used to call myself disgusting or fat, those words were so familiar to me. I didn’t feel the pain I was causing myself. It didn’t feel harsh, it was just there. 

And I’m suspecting you don’t feel the sharpness of your words. You’ve numbed yourself to how painful it is to live with your body. And I get it. This is how we’ve had to cope. Numbing isn’t a defect, it’s a strategy.  There may be a part of you that thinks you deserve all of that harmful talk. Or, you may be hoping that if you say horrible things about your body that it will finally motivate you to make a change. 

But it’s time to call bullshit on this entire dynamic. 

Even though we live in a world that tells us our bodies aren’t good enough, it doesn’t mean it’s true. Cultural beliefs are often wrong. Remember when we thought the world was flat? When smoking was cool?  Your body is worthy of respect and care no matter it’s shape, size, gender identity, sexual preference, ability, age or color. 

And, if talking shit about your body was going to motivate you to eat "better" and exercise more, wouldn't that have happened in the past few months? In the past few years? In the past few decades? 

Shaming never ever inspires positive or loving change. Period. 

It's time to stop tolerating this pain. 

Why? 

Because it hurts and you don't deserve to be hurt. 

It's also holding you back from feeling free, peaceful and powerful. 

While you're feeling awful about your body, you're hiding the body you have. You may be hiding by wearing black or oversized clothes. Or, maybe you don't really care about how you dress at all and just wear "whatever". You are trying to fly under the radar so you don't get noticed or draw attention to yourself. 

You stay quiet and reserved. Speaking up means people will hear you. Showing up means people will see you. When you're in the spotlight, the risk of judgment rises. When you're judging yourself, you’re likely assuming everyone else is judging you too. 

And sadly, you may not be wrong. But, you also may not be right. I know. This is a risk you're unwilling to take. 

I know you don’t want to feel the way you do about your body. That’s why so many people diet and try to lose weight. They hope that if their body changes, how they feel about their body will change too. 

I’m calling bullshit on this too. 

If you’re anything like how I was in the past, you’ve been tireless in your pursuit of a better body. And even if it hasn’t translated to all action, you’ve been dreaming and hoping that once your body changes, your life will too. That takes a lot of energy. 

It's no longer about waiting until your body changes until you feel better about yourself. It's about changing how you feel and living in your body so you feel better no matter what. 

You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin without changing one single thing about your body. You deserve to feel peaceful in your body right now, at this moment. 

Fixing the outside doesn't heal the inside.  Fixing the outside only re-affirms the shame you feel and validates the belief that your body is wrong or broken. 

This is work I do. I guide women to no longer fight with the shame that lives within them, but heal it. I guide women to living inside of their bodies, safely. I guide women to tune in and listen to their inner wisdom. And to care for themselves. 

Here are some examples of how I do this… 

I “introduce” you to your body and its signals. So you can start to notice the subtle messages that will become clearer over time. 

I help you tune into that critical voice and not push it away. When you’re curious, you may discover the voice has a purpose. 

When you notice the outside cultural narratives you’ll see that how you feel about your body is not your  fault. And then you can take full responsibility for how you treat yourself and your body. 

You’ll notice all the ways you’ve been trying to fix your body and realize that’s not moving you to feeling peaceful about your body. 

You start actively caring for your body, every damn day. Not with the prescribed way for weight loss, but by tuning into what your body and spirit is really craving and asking for. 

Want to explore how I can guide you through a process like this one?  

Set up a clarity call with me. On this 45 minute call, we will get to know each other, discover if we are a good fit,  and I’ll share with you more details on how we can work together.

5 Reasons Community Is Critical To Your Intuitive Eating Journey

I'm gathering a small group of 10 or so women in a safe space for learning, sharing, and connecting along their intuitive eating and body neutrality journey called Community Circle.

I currently have space for 5 more women. If you're interested, please let me know by emailing me back. If there isn't room in this Community Circle session, I'll be sure to add your name to a waiting list for the next one. 

Community Circle begins on Monday, September 26th and runs for 12 weeks. See more details below. 

I've had a few requests for a group support program and I'm thrilled to be offering this! 

Clients on their journey to feel more peaceful around food and their bodies know how challenging it can be. There may be dozens of food rules to unlearn and new signals and sensations to tune into. Along the way, there can be lots of ups and downs and twists and turns. 

This is why it’s important to connect with other women who are on a similar journey. 

Here are 5 reasons. 

1. You won't feel so alone. 

When I was bingeing and overeating, I convinced myself I was the only person that was so out of control around food. Believing this only made me feel worse and made me want to hide. 

But when I started to hear other people's stories about food, I realized I wasn't a complete freak. I could entertain the idea that some of my overeating patterns may not be as bad as I made them out to be. 

This is the power of not feeling so alone and being part of a community. When you feel safe to share your stories and hear other's, what you once thought was a big deal may not feel so awful or heavy.

2. You may share experiences you've never shared before.  

Your relationship with food and your body has taken a lot of time and energy and you've given it a lot of thought. So many people have been bullied about their body size. They've had parents control what they eat or how often they exercise. They've comforted themselves with food when they didn't know how to console themselves. 

When you share what life has been like for you, you have an opportunity for others to witness you. In some situations, you may be negotiating with yourself by saying, “this wasn't that bad”, “this was just normal”, “this happened all the time and no one around me said it was unusual”. 

But it is and it was. And when you share it, you're giving yourself an opportunity to validate the impact it has had on you.

3. When you hear other people's stories, you feel connected to something bigger than yourself. 

Painful patterns with food and your body can make your world feel small. It's common to be completely absorbed in your own experience, while you work hard to try to fix it. 

Offering your attention and grace to someone who is also struggling gives you perspective and allows you to see how helpful you can be to others. You can start to appreciate your own value and contribution. 

4. It's comforting. 

There is no better way to describe being part of a community that has your back, welcomes you, lights up when they see your face and appreciates your voice. Considering how isolating your relationship with food has been, this can feel incredibly healing. 

5. When everyone around you is dieting, it's nice to practice a common sense approach with others. 

A lot of people who have been pursuing weight loss are running in circles with others that are doing the same thing. If this is you, it may be hard to stop dieting and watch and listen to people around you that still are dieting. 

When you can at least come together with a small group of women that are in the same boat you are, you can gain strength from them knowing that you are disconnecting from diet culture together. 

During this 12 week program, we will be meeting every other Wednesday at 5pm EST for a Connection Call. We will also be meeting every other Monday at 12pm EST for a 15 minute Check In. The cost is $450, made in 3 $150 monthly payments. Learn more here.

What’s Really Driving Your Food Struggles… Body Shame

When I was really struggling with food, I knew my struggles weren’t about food. I knew this deep inside of me, but I didn’t have words to describe it. 

And my inner knowing didn’t stop me from making it about food.  I would still try to cut back on sugar, or take gluten out of my diet (with no diagnosed gluten sensitivity), or stop eating certain kinds of foods like nightshades or yogurt or coffee. :(. 

I can see now that diet culture offers us so many solutions that are ALL about food. This is how weight loss companies and coaches make their money. 

But there is something that happens when we try to solve a challenge by just addressing the symptom. 

If you are like me, you know the symptom was feeling out of control around certain foods. Worrying that you’d overeat trigger foods. And even believing you have a food addiction. 

When you consider these symptoms, it’s easier to look at a food with sugar and believe that if you could get rid of sugar then all of your food struggles would go away. 

Trying to take sugar out of my diet only made me fight with sugar more. And therefore fight with myself. Making it about sugar only distracted me from what was really going on. But it also reaffirmed my problem as a real problem. Essentially, it kept the struggle in place. 

If you’ve been struggling with food and making it about food, it’s time for a step back. 

You can’t diet your way through your food struggles. 

You can’t restrict your way to feeling more in control around food. 

The part of me that made it about food was the part of me that wanted to keep my weight down. I was hoping that If I could eat the right foods, I wouldn’t gain weight. 

Which is why getting to the root of the struggle is so important. It’s not about food, it’s about body shame. 

We’ve been driven to dieting to fix our bodies. We’ve been told there is something wrong with our bodies and then we internalized body shame. No one has to tell you that your body is wrong or bad, that belief system lives inside of you. You tell yourself that all of the time. 

If you didn’t need to fix your body, you wouldn’t need to diet. If you didn’t need to diet, you wouldn’t need to struggle with food. 

Body shame is at the root of food struggles. 

I guide my clients to understand how their body image and patterns with food work together. If you’d like to explore more support around this, book a Clarity Call with me here. https://bookme.name/tarawhitney/lite/clarity-call

Is Your Negative Body Image Impacting Your Career?

I never would have linked these two things together; how I felt about my body and how successful I could be in business. After all, we’ve been taught how to succeed in business; work hard, get the right education, connect with a mentor and take well-calculated risks.

But now, as I reflect on the twists and turns in my career, I can see how the shifts I made in my relationship with food and my body went step by step with the changes I made professionally. I started my career in public accounting and thirty years later, I’m a published author who coaches female leaders to stop dieting and gain confidence in their bodies.

Let me share my brief career timeline. But I want you to know that I started dieting and eating emotionally when I was 12. So, even though I'm sharing with you some more recent diet history, I was experiencing disordered eating and body dysmorphia at a young and tender age.

• 2000. Started practicing yoga. Working in corporate accounting.

• 2001. Joined Weight Watchers after the birth of my son.

• 2007. Began training to be a yoga teacher.

• 2008. Left corporate accounting. Later that year, I founded my accounting consulting firm.

• 2009. Started practicing intuitive eating on my own.

• 2011. Opened my yoga studio.

• 2015. Became a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. Started coaching part-time.

  * This was the year I was actively running three businesses.

• 2016. Closed yoga studio.

• 2018. Dissolved accounting consulting firm.

• 2019. Transitioned into coaching full-time. Published my first book.

My yoga and intuitive eating practice taught me how to live inside of my body. Before then, I didn’t know that was a thing. I was dieting, doing my best to lose weight, and was disconnected from my body. I couldn’t live inside of my body because I was too busy judging it.

I could have stayed in my accounting career. But as much as I enjoyed the work, I couldn’t help noticing how draining and empty it left me. The more I listened to my body, I couldn’t ignore these signals.

Before these practices, life around food and my body were hard. I was:

• Needing to be perfect to feel good enough.

• Believing that I needed a thin body to be successful.

• Validating myself based on what others thought of me and my performance.

• Exhausted and frustrated.

• Feeling unfulfilled.

As my body image changed, I became more willing to create and run businesses that were closer to my heart and allowed me to share myself with more passion and confidence. Here are some concrete things that allowed me to change the trajectory of my career:

• I had more time and energy to focus on my business because I was no longer preoccupied, worried, or obsessing over food.

• I felt more confidence and trust in myself because I was no longer dieting and failing at dieting.

• I saw my body as a source of wisdom and started to care for it deeply. This means I started to slow down instead of being hooked on the busyness that left me feeling exhausted.

• I know what alignment feels like and what out of alignment feels like. I can distinguish between the two because I practice being present and grounded in my body.

I have a vision of female leaders that have reclaimed their time, energy, and inner wisdom to focus on what matters most to them. They’ve taken it back from dieting, emotional eating, and their negative body image.

They’ve done this because they’ve changed their body image. For women to truly thrive and feel fulfilled in their careers, they need to have a connection to their bodies.

This is why I’ve created a quiz, Is your body image holding you back professionally?

This quiz will likely take you less than 5 minutes. You'll find out if your body image is holding you back, weighing you down or if you feel pretty free around your body.

You can take it here.

Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin

I’d like to invite you to a free to attend webinar on this topic. See details below. 

There was a time in my life when I believed that I'd feel comfortable in my own skin when my body was thinner. I had this fantasy that when I finally lost weight that my whole life would fall into place. I'd feel more confident at work. I'd feel cuter and more attractive. I’d be relaxed around what I was eating because my body had finally reached my goal weight. 

In my mind, feeling comfortable in my own skin was a goal to achieve, something I needed to earn. And my reward for my hard work was that I’d be happy, attractive and comfortable with my life. 

If that fantasy had become a reality, my story would have stopped there. I would have declared victory and moved on. 

I never reached this goal. Not even close. The harder I worked at thinness, the less confident, attractive and relaxed I felt. 

Clearly, my understanding of what it took to be comfortable in my own skin was faulty. I was focused on the wrong things. Primarily because I had been promised that weight loss would make me happy.  

I can't recall the exact day I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. At first, it came in small moments of peace while I was lying in savasana after a sweaty yoga class. Those moments became more frequent. I noticed them when I felt so satisfied after eating a meal that tasted delicious to me, when I felt confident, passionate and nervous while giving a talk in front of a large group. I noticed ease while getting dressed in clothes that I liked wearing. 

As things started to click, I could tell when I felt comfortable in my own skin and when I didn’t. I could practice living inside of my body or I could live outside of my body. One way felt peaceful and one way filled me with anxiety.  

Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin can look and act like this: 

- Weighing yourself and letting the number determine how you feel that day. 

- Exercising intensely because of what or how much you ate. 

- Comparing your body to those around you. 

- Looking at your reflection in the mirror and only seeing what's wrong. 

- Consuming social media pictures that make you feel like your body isn't enough. 

As an intuitive eating counselor and yoga teacher, I know practicing feeling comfortable in your own skin has a big impact on your confidence, self esteem and your relationship with food. It’s possible to feel at peace in your body and know in your heart that no matter what your size, shape or health that your body is a good body. 

This is why I’m excited to invite you to my upcoming webinar. I’ll be sharing with you:

• What's really going on around why you feel so dissatisfied with your body. 

• Three things you can do right away that will start to change how you feel in your body. 

• Why feeling comfortable in your own skin is a practice and not a destination. 

• Guidance on your own body image journey. 

This one hour webinar, Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin,  is free to attend. If you sign up and can’t attend in person, you can purchase the recording for $25. 

Sign up here:

Wednesday, July 27th at 5pm EST, 2pm PST

Thursday, July 28th at 12pm EST, 9am PST 

What Happened When My Clothes Stopped Fitting

I’m waiting for my new jeans from Universal Standard to be delivered any moment now. I dropped off 4 pairs of jeans at the local consignment shop because they no longer fit me. 

I’m giving myself permission to wear clothes that fit me well and that I like to wear. 

AND, this has been hard. 

I’ve been recognizing this old voice inside of me. She was asking What did I do wrong? Am I not tuned into my body enough? Should I be exercising more? Am I not drinking enough water? 

As I was processing this over the past few days, at the heart of what I was asking myself is: Have I failed?

After years of practicing intuitive eating and coaching my clients to do the same, it’s important for you to know that I still was temporarily hooked by the thin body ideal. That part of me is seeing my body as something that’s wrong because my jeans no longer fit. This old voice wants to fix what I see as broken. 

I compassionately observed my thinking around this and noticed a few emotions that came up. Guilt and hopelessness. It felt like I was trapped and there was only one way out (needing to fix my body). 

I recognized these familiar feelings. In the past, I had used these feelings as motivation for what I thought was “positive” change. But motivation that comes from shame doesn’t last. 

Letting go of clothes that don’t fit was a proactive and bold move on my part. In the past, I was hoping they would be a reminder of what was possible (being thinner). But that never motivated me either. 

Some new questions to consider for myself popped in: 

What if I did nothing wrong? 

What if I don’t need to be doing it right? 

I felt this liberation emerge in my body. When I’m not attached to the definitions of right or wrong around food and body weight that diet culture created for me, I’m free to choose what works for me. 

I didn’t need to battle with the reaction of “I need to fix my body”, I just needed to notice it. 

Exploring this freedom around my body became light and fun. 

The questions continued… 

What if I was so free from expectations around my body that I could just love it so much? 

I could treat it without limits or restrictions, without complacency or history. I wouldn’t need my body to be anything to anyone, I could just be free to live inside of it. I could just care for it. 

My body has been through a lot in the past 5 years. I made some major professional changes (including publishing my book), had two surgeries, and like everyone, have been living through a pandemic. 

Which is why I’m so open to this deeper level of healing. It was time for me to gently process some of these emotions and let them go, just like I let go of these old jeans.  

If you’re like me, and your clothes don’t fit, consider letting them go and investing in some that do. Doing so may bring you the liberation and love you’ve been looking for.

This is Why Positive Body Talk Isn’t Working for You..... try this instead

Body shame is so painful. And most people are experiencing it. It can feel like a heavy blanket that’s just hard to take off. You feel it when you see a picture of yourself from your recent weekend away. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection in a window. When you’re getting dressed in the morning. When you see a picture of a younger version of yourself. Or you notice a friend or co-worker that has a smaller body. 

It’s nearly impossible to escape when you hate your body and wish it were smaller, leaner and fitter. 

Of course you want to think positively about yourself. You wish you could say something like: I love my body just as it is. But saying that doesn’t feel true to you. Your whole being likely objects and your mind starts to negotiate with that statement. You may think, I’ll love my body when I lose x pounds. I’ll love my body when I can fit into those jeans. 

This is one of the reasons positive body talk doesn’t work for you. You don’t believe it. 

You may think, well, if I say enough positive things about my body, will I eventually believe that my body is worth loving? 

I’ll let you answer that. If you’ve tried it, has it improved your body image? Or, is it really hard to talk to yourself that way? 

In my experience, the most effective approach to working with negative self talk is to be a gentle witness to your thoughts. 

The reason this is effective: 

• It takes much less effort and energy and therefore it’s easier to practice. 

• You’re not creating an internal battle within yourself. 

• Where your focus goes, energy grows. When you become a gentle witness to these thoughts, you’re no longer fueling the painful thoughts. You can allow them to be just as they are. 

As if you're standing on a sidewalk and watching a car drive by, you notice these thoughts without any judgment of them. 

As you become a gentle witness, these thoughts no longer become personal. Saying “my body is disgusting.” can feel like a personal attack. But when you simply notice that thought, with the knowledge that every thought is not true, you can just let that thought be. It can feel the same as saying to yourself, “my shoe is untied” or “my hands are cold”. Thoughts can be neutral. And when they are neutral, they have no painful power over you.  

Thoughts only have power when we give them meaning. When you’re a gentle witness of your negative body talk, these thoughts can come to the surface, you can notice them, and then they pass. 

As you practice this over time, you’ll find that being a gentle witness takes less energy and time. 

The result: 

How you think and feel about your body changes, without your body changing at all. 

What If You Stopped Trying to Lose Weight?

This post isn't for everyone. But if you're tired, exhausted and frustrated with battling with your body around food, then read on. 

You may be thinking… 

What? No. I couldn't possibly do that. 

If you’ve been trying to lose weight for as long as you can remember, I realize asking you to stop doing something that you’ve been doing for most of your life may feel uncomfortable. 

It may feel foreign. As if you lived in northern Maine your whole life and then you moved to Miami. 

You may object to not TRYING to lose weight because you don’t feel good at your current weight. 

Of course you want to feel good. Let’s consider what’s going on around us. 

If you’ve ever been at a lower weight, people paid attention to you. They encouraged you and your lower weight. It feels good when people approve of us. (btw- take this even deeper; when loved ones approve of us, we feel safe and a sense of belonging.) 

Not only that, we receive messages from our culture that thin bodies are more attractive. Our medical community and wellness culture tells us that thin bodies are healthier. 

You may even believe that you’ll feel more successful in your life if your body was thinner. 

We live in a world with weight bias. This means that the world rewards thin bodies and harms fat bodies. This bias is everywhere. In our homes, schools, work, doctor's offices, and social media feeds. 

Fat people aren't treated well. Of course you wouldn't want to live in a world where you aren't treated well. 

BUT (you knew this was coming, right?). Has TRYING to lose weight helped you to lose weight? 

Or, has trying to lose weight made you feel like a failure? Has it made you obsess about food? Has it eroded your confidence and peace of mind? Has it cost you a lot of time, energy and money with NO results? 

Here is the truth: 

We’ve been told our body is the problem. In fact, our body is the solution. 

Trying to lose weight has disconnected you from your body. You’ve separated yourself from it. That’s why trying to lose weight feels so exhausting and frustrating. You’ve been living at a distance from the one thing that will offer you the success, joy and peace you’ve been seeking. 

It may feel like too much for you to stop trying to lose weight right now. So, here is my invitation to you: 

Put weight loss on hold. Just for today. Or just for this week. Just for this month. 

When you consider that idea, how does your body react? Does it relax? Do you feel a sense of ease and relief? That's a yes. 

"Your Body is Working so Hard for You." My Story About Chronic Pain, Compulsive Exercise and Healing

One of my healers said this to me yesterday. I've been seeing her for hip pain that's been so severe I can no longer enjoy my morning walks, snowshoe, or walk up the stairs without struggle. 

Her words stunned me as if she put a medley of words together that I had never heard before.  My brain needed time to catch up. 

My hip pain on its best day has been an inconvenience. At its worse, a living nightmare. I've been pulling all the tools out of my toolbox and I've been finding new ones. Medical doctor and surgical consults, Reiki healing, acupuncture, physical therapy, essential oils, supplements, prayer, surrender, acceptance, journaling, crying, swimming, and pranayama. 

I recently had a loving mental shift and epiphany. My hip isn't a problem that needs fixing. I know whatever is here for me around my hip is for me, not something being done to me. 

I was surprised at how stunned I was. I’ve been appreciating the wisdom of my body for years now. 

I can recognize my hunger and know when I feel overwhelmed and anxious. 

I know when I need rest and downtime. New ideas come to me and I feel inspired. 

This all comes from the wisdom of my body. Not only do I know that.  I can FEEL and tangibly experience it. 

Yet, my healer's words invited me to go deeper. 

I've wished this pain away. I've seen it as an obstacle, getting in the way of how I want to live. I've judged it. I've judged myself for having it. I've worried about it. I've wondered if it will ever go away and if I need to live with it forever. 

Here is what my pain stood for:  

In the past, I controlled my weight with vigorous exercise. I went on long runs to burn extra calories. I spent hours in the gym trying to make my body leaner and fitter.  I was a proud and loud “sweat addict”. I have healed my relationship with exercise so movement is now fun and enjoyable to me. I no longer punish my body for overeating or need to earn a meal with exercise. But still, something lingered. 

• Who am I if I can’t exercise? 

• And, what will happen to me and my weight if I can’t work out, be active and get outside to play in nature? 

The truth of the matter is that not only have I been feeling the pain in my hip. I’ve been mourning the loss of my identity as an athlete, runner, yogi, hiker, snowshoer, snowboarder, and biker. And blaming my body for failing me. 

I’ve been able to partner with my body on some things, but now my personal narrative around what makes me a worthy person has been called into question. I loved being a Division 1 athlete. I’ve loved racing in half marathons and triathlons. I loved moving my body in challenging yoga poses. 

• What's left for me when I can’t hold onto this proud shield? 

• What’s left for me if I can’t claim myself as an athlete any longer?  

My hip pain has been a catalyst for me to examine this old story of who I need to be. 

Recognizing that my body is working hard for me and dismantling this old story means I can call a truce with my body. My body is working as hard for my healing as I've been. We've been partners all along. We're on the same page, wanting the same thing. 

I’ve been keeping an agenda for my body around exercise and sport. Meanwhile, my body has been keeping the same agenda it has and always will keep: to protect me, keep me in balance, and heal. Without this agenda, I can appreciate how my body is working so hard for me. 

As you consider your relationship with your body, I hope my story inspires you to consider that you can partner with your body around food, movement, and healing. 

If this is a new journey for you, one of the simplest steps you can do right now is to notice yourself breathing. When you do this, you likely will notice how: 

Your body is working so hard for you. 

Attention Entrepreneurs! Your Relationship with Your Body is Impacting Your Business.

When I was deciding on which public accounting firm to join out of college, one conversation with a senior manager from my top pick stuck out in my mind. He said, “we work hard and play hard.” 

He had me at hello. I eagerly joined and quickly learned that working hard meant 60 hour work weeks and playing hard meant nice team dinners and meeting for drinks on Fridays at 7 pm. Don’t get me wrong. I loved it. I learned a ton and worked with awesome people. I even met my husband while working with this firm. At the time, he worked in the marketing department of one of my clients. 

As much as I learned while working in public accounting, I’ve had to unlearn as an entrepreneur. 

I was taught to value hard work above all else, which included showing my clients and bosses that I put in the time to get the job done well. Late hours, 7 am start days, no lunches, weekend hours. What I learned: Hard work is a high priority. 

At the end of each job, we got evaluated. Every year, I was ranked among my peers based on my performance. This ranking determined my raise and bonus. What I learned: External measures matter most. 

I vividly recall an afternoon when I had just wrapped up a client. I hadn’t worked out in weeks. I drank a much-needed massive cup of Dunkin’ that morning after a late night of work that was still sloshing around in my belly. I went for an easy run along the Charles River in Cambridge near my condo, eager to get outside. Yet, my body wasn’t having it. I was exhausted and nauseous.  I was also frustrated that my body wasn't cooperating. What I learned: Hard work meant that my body suffered. And that’s okay. 

Not surprisingly, when I started my first business, an accounting consulting firm, in 2008 I took the same values and teachings I learned in corporate accounting. As I see it now, I ran my business from my head. 

My three children were so young at the time, each under 8. My plate was full, yet, I always felt like I should be doing more and never had enough time to do it. I wished I could have been cloned because I felt like I was doing the work of two people. I never had enough time and always felt this tension, this fear, that I was going to let someone down and not do what was expected of me. 

My hard work tactic was only backfiring because I couldn’t work my way out of the hole of exhaustion and overwhelm. Yet I didn’t have any other tricks up my sleeve. 

Hard work. Valuing myself based on how others judged me (or how I thought they judged me). Disregarding my wellness. All of this worked in the past. But not now. Not while I was running my own business. 

As an entrepreneur, you know as well as I do, that your business is a reflection of you. It reflects your passions, values, and strengths. On another level, you can also consider your business as an energy you’ve created and nurtured. As you grow and expand, your business will grow and expand along with you. 

Without connecting with your body, you’re likely feeling out of alignment with your business. When I was trying to run my business under the ole’ “work hard, play hard” model (aka from my head), I wasn't living inside of my body. No wonder my business felt so heavy and hard. No wonder I felt disconnected from it. No wonder I judged it so often and thought it should be growing faster and be more profitable. My business was lacking me. 

Your body is the vehicle that communicates your intuition, needs, emotions, preferences, and passions. You’re your business's most valuable asset. When you run your business from your head, you’re missing a massive contribution; your body.  

Your body is always offering you tremendous wisdom. The question is, are you willing to notice, respect, and listen to it? 

I know connecting with your body in your business isn't so simple. Please know there could be other reasons besides just the teachings of corporate America that have you leading your business from just your head. I’ll be exploring them in some upcoming articles and videos. 

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you. Are you connecting with your body in your business? 

Important Science You Need To Know About Weight Loss

Let’s talk about setpoint

I'm sharing much of the science from Dr. Lindo Bacon and Health At Every Size. Learn more here https://haescommunity.com/

Every body has a unique set point, which is the amount of fat storage and bodyweight that is optimal for the body to protect itself.

Although set point can’t be determined by a formula or in a laboratory, it’s estimated that your setpoint falls within a range of 5-20 pounds. 

When your body is below your setpoint, your body will start to defend its setpoint by: 

• Increasing hunger signals, including a desire to eat a wider variety of foods. 

• Reducing fullness signals, and 

• Slowing metabolism. 

This is one of the reasons 95% of dieters gain weight within 3 years. Our bodies won’t tolerate being at a weight below our setpoint. Your brain will work with other systems in your body to ensure your body comes back to its ideal weight. 

When your body is below its setpoint, you’ll notice: 

• You get cold easily. 

• You’re preoccupied with thoughts of food. 

• Low energy, irritability, and loss of interest to do pleasurable activities. 

When your body is above its setpoint, you’ll: 

• Have a hard time recognizing physical hunger. 

• Often eat beyond comfortable fullness. 

• Skip meals and then overeat. 

• Eat for coping, comfort, or distraction. 

• Overeat because of guilt and when you fall off of your diet. 

What to do: 

• Restoring your body to its setpoint takes time and patience. 

• If your body is not at its setpoint, it’s because you’ve overridden your body’s signals. There is a variety of reasons you’ve done this. This isn’t something to feel ashamed or bad about. Diet culture encourages us to follow diet rules over the signals of our body. 

• Start by listening and tuning into your own hunger and fullness. This can often be a challenge if you’ve been chronically dieting, emotionally eating, and engaging in other coping strategies. 

But remember, your body knows these signals. It may just take time and reassurance to get reacquainted with them. 

Feeling shitty about your body today?

There is so much that may trigger you to feel bad about your body. 

How your jeans fit when you zipped them this morning. 

What you ate yesterday. 

Pictures on social media. 

Recalling the conversation over Thanksgiving dinner about how Aunt Susan lost all of that weight on her latest diet. Uggh. Diet and weight loss talk can be so overwhelming. 

If this is you, you may be: 

• Making a plan to fix your body with a new diet, more restriction (aka being good today), and more exercise. 

• Feeling stuck and hopeless. Body shame can feel very heavy and immobilizing. 

• Engaging other patterns that feel less bad; like shopping, excessive working, drinking, and eating. 

These aren’t bad responses. It's natural to find ways to feel better when living in a world that often tells you that there is something wrong with your body. These are ways you’re trying to survive. 

I'd like to offer you a few ways to ride out feeling bad about your body.

• Can you pull yourself up and away and witness yourself? Instead of being caught up in thoughts, reactions, and the drama of fixing, watch yourself in the experience. 

• Limit how much outside information and pictures you do take in. Turn away from the magazines in the grocery store aisle, certain accounts on social media and websites. Follow #bodyliberation accounts. 

• Give yourself permission to wear comfortable clothing. 

• Prioritize some of your basic needs; hydration, rest, and connecting with a close and trusted friend, partner, or family member. 

• Do your best to ground yourself in your body. Take some deep breaths. Spend a few moments outside and get some fresh air. Let your feet rest on the floor and let them be supported. 

I know it doesn't feel great. Remind yourself that this too shall pass. You deserve to feel good in your body, no matter what. Be gentle with yourself. 

What if You Didn’t Need To Work Out To “Earn” That Bagel or Slice of Pizza?

You know those running freaks that jog in place waiting for the light to change so they can cross the street? 

That was me.

There were more calories to burn and I wasn’t going to miss an opportunity.  

How about those runners that are up before dawn with their headlamp and reflector vest? 

That was me, too. 

I did whatever I could to squeeze a workout in. Because I couldn’t possibly go a day without a run, yoga class, or intense workout. 

It’s a fine line. At the time, I considered myself a fitness enthusiast, health-conscious, sweat-loving jock. 

But when I look back now, I know I was just scared of weight gain, fearful to go without a workout, and believed I needed to earn my next meal (or fix what I just overate). 

And the line gets even more fine and delicate when we consider this truth: 

Exercise always makes us feel better. 

After a workout, I’d feel more calm and peaceful. I’d feel accomplished and productive. And, if the workout was really intense, I’d feel pleasantly sedated. Afterward, no one or no thing could push me off my center. 

Yet, there was always something nagging at me. Mostly on the days I was freakin’ exhausted (and I’m suspecting my body was begging for rest). 

Why did I need to work my body so hard? 

Why did I need to put so much time and energy into burning calories? 

On those days, exercise wasn’t fun. It was punishment. 

If you’re where I’ve been, I’m inviting you to a different approach. 

When exercise is about fixing your body, the line needs to be explored. Because it’s what turns something healthy, beneficial, and life-altering, into something that’s fear-confirming and harmful.

As I changed my relationship with food, my relationship with my body and exercise changed too. Workouts aren’t about earning or fixing. 

They’re about moving for the experience of feeling great- whether calming or energizing. It’s not just about how I feel after, it was about how I feel during the movement that matters. 

At the heart of a harmful relationship with exercise is the belief that your body is wrong or bad. Or you may hold the belief that you need exercise to hold onto the slim and fit body you do have. 

What if you partnered with your body when you choose to move? What if you let your body give you feedback around what movement it needs to feel better?

What if you let yourself move, just because it’s fun and inviting? 

I know these are big asks. But if you are as tired and exhausted as I was, it’s likely that your body is begging for a change. Now may be a great time to listen. 

Thank You Diet Culture

I spent most of my life not even knowing you existed. All I knew was that I needed to be smaller to be pretty. So I tried to be better with food.

I witnessed my mother diet, even though she didn't need to. But you convinced her otherwise. Because of that, I dieted too.

While dieting, I hurt my body. I overfilled her, starved her, dismissed her, and pushed her when she was dead tired.

I know I was the one choosing these actions. But you promised me that I'd be happier when I was thinner. You showed me thin people that were more attractive, healthier and more successful.

I thought I was sacrificing for a reason. But really, I was just sacrificing my sanity and autonomy.

I believed in your promises. Your promises gave me hope.

You never intended to keep your promises. You always meant to manipulate me and millions of people to believe that our bodies are wrong and bad.

When we believe our bodies are wrong, we turn to you to fix us. We've filled your purses, given you our time and energy and you’ve taken away our happiness and freedom.

So for that, fuck you.

I know all we can do is grieve. And heal. And unlearn every single thing you've taught us. You've taught us our bodies aren't worth respecting or worth listening to, but the truth is you're not worth respecting or worth listening to.

The truth is our bodies were never a problem, and have always been and always be inherently perfect.

I wish you didn't exist, but you do.

All we can do is accept you, and see you as a system that we don't need to engage with. When we turn our attention away from you, you won’t have the power to hurt us.

As surprising as this may sound, thank you. By unlearning your teachings, we’re learning how to be in our bodies. Because of your darkness, we have the opportunity to stand in the light.