You Don’t Need to Manage Your Time Better

I wish I could be cloned. If there were two or even three of me, I could finish everything I needed to do. 

I’ve said this. Have you? 

If you are feeling overwhelmed with too much on your plate, the common thinking is that you have a TIME problem. 

On one hand, that makes sense. If you had an extra few hours to work, you’d get more done. But this is a short-term solution. 

When you think you have a time problem, you’re constantly finding, borrowing, or stealing more time.

You- 

• Work extra hard on a big project, convincing yourself this is just a busier time than usual and you just need to grind it out. Meanwhile, a few days or weeks later, you’re back in the same boat. 

• Sacrifice sleep by getting up extra early or working after the kids are in bed. 

• Convince yourself that if you’re checking email while watching TV, you’re not really working. 

• Multitask by taking client and team calls in the car on your way to dropping the kids off at practice or folding clothes while off camera on a conference call. 

Finding more time doesn’t reduce your overwhelm in the long term. 

A part of you knows you’re working at an unsustainable pace. But there may be a good chance you don’t know how to slow down and work differently. 

What you have is an EXPECTATION problem. The good news is you can’t change time, but you can change expectations. 

I empathize. I’ve been there. And I want to offer you some firm but friendly reminders that will help you slow down enough so you can step off the gerbil wheel. 

• Reflect on the expectations you have for yourself. Do you need to be the one who does it all and does it all perfectly? If so, there isn’t enough time that will help you meet the expectations of perfection. 

• Are you sacrificing your wellness and sanity? If so, there will come a time when you’ll have nothing left to give. 

• Your work, family and life aren’t healthy unless you’re healthy. 

• What are you saying yes to? For every yes, you’re saying no to something else. 

• Prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential. 

• Your value doesn’t come from what you produce. 

• We can never get time back. Be intentional and diligent about how you want to use the time you have. 

Would you like coaching support stepping off this gerbil wheel? Book a coffee chat with me and we will explore if we are a good fit.

Do You Avoid Speaking Up In Meetings?

Do you want to post your ideas on social media, but something always holds you back?

Years ago, my first business coach advised me to start blogging and sending a weekly newsletter. All of my doubts and fears flooded in. “I have nothing to say.” “People will think this is stupid, that I'm stupid.” “What if they disagree with me?”

I was feeling like an imposter.

Who was I to speak up and share my ideas?
What if people realized I didn't know what I was talking about?

I created some strategies to work through this, like detaching myself from people’s reaction to my writing. How others responded was outside of my control. I also got clear around why I wanted to write; it made me a better writer. That clarity trumped my inner-critic.

Working through the experience of being an imposter isn't about crushing your fears or forcing yourself to do something you don't feel safe doing.

And, there is a cost. Not speaking up and sharing your ideas, whether it's in a conference room or on Linked In, hurts. It hurts to not be heard and dampen your expression. It hurts your career when you fly under the radar. It hurts your organization when you stay silent instead of challenging the status quo. 

Not speaking up and flying under the radar are common responses to feeling like an imposter. This is normal. And, it doesn't need to hold you back.

You Can’t Ever Get Rid of That Negative Voice. Here’s Why.

Yesterday, a friend casually mentioned her negative self-talk to me as “the committee that wakes me up at 2 a.m. to tell me what I should and should not be doing”.

If there is one thing that's universal about the human experience, we all have negative thoughts. 

You've prepared for an important meeting and you're as ready as you'll ever be. As you take a seat around the conference table, your inner voice starts chatting. What if you forget the important points? What if someone asks you a question you don't have the answer to? Your negative inner monologue questions you and fills you with self-doubts. 

In my last post, I shared how important it is to pay attention to this inner voice. Simply notice it and be aware of it. As unpleasant as that may be. 

Now that you're aware of it, what's happening here? Why does that voice jump in during these crucial times when it's the last thing you need? 

You may be surprised to know that this voice has a very clear purpose. It may make you feel anxious and worried, but that’s not what it’s there for. 

Your negative self-talk wants to protect you. 

We have an internal mechanism that detects threats. When a threat is detected, our nervous system will react in a way to protect us. 

When you’re about to give your presentation, a part of you may be anticipating that the folks in the room are judging or criticizing you. Or when you’re in a new situation that feels unfamiliar, a part of you feels uncertain and insecure about what will happen next. Your body detects these situations as a threat.  

We typically react to threats in a few ways by…

• Shutting down. You may feel numb and dulled. 

• Getting angry at others or yourself. 

• Trying to please or appease those around you. 

• Checking out mentally or emotionally. You distract yourself and focus on something else. 

These are ways we freeze, please, flee and fight. 

These reactions are unconscious and automatic responses happening inside your body. You can’t get rid of them. 

This is why noticing your inner committee is so important. You’re fighting yourself when you try to get rid of this voice. Instead of seeing your safety mechanism as a problem, you can see it in a new way. 

By partnering with this voice, you can better understand yourself and how you’re reacting in certain situations. I’ll be sharing strategies and tools to work with this negative voice. Stay tuned.

A Different Way To Think About Confidence

Are you hoping that raise or promotion will finally make you feel successful?

Are you hoping that when you hit that revenue target that you'll know your organization has finally "made it"?

Are you hoping that when you've lost that 20 lbs, you'll finally feel confident?

Many people have this "one" thing and believe that when they reach it, everything will change. Life will be magically transformed and all problems will go away.

More often than not, goals get reached and the person doesn't feel what they were hoping for.

They got the promotion or raise, but instead of celebrating, they said to themselves "what's next?".

They lost the weight and felt stressed, worried and unhappy.

This is because what we are focused isn't what we really desire. And external achievements or circumstances often don't impact our vital needs.

If you're looking for more confidence, success, safety and happiness, that doesn't come from what's happening around you. You need to generate yourself.

Trusting Yourself is a Practice

I think about trust a lot. A decade or so ago, I realized I was spending my life following “rules” and “guidelines” that weren’t mine. While working hard to follow these external rules, I rarely cultivated trust within myself.

For example, from my pre-teens to my early 30’s, I painstakingly straightened my hair because my curls were too unruly. I needed to be polished and put together.  My curls couldn’t be trusted. If you’ve ever spent way too much time or money defying your true nature, I know you can appreciate the freedom that I’ve claimed by embracing my curls.

It’s not just about tossing your hair straightener. How we do one thing is how we do most things.

If you’re prioritizing external rules over honoring your internal wisdom, there is a good chance that you may not be trusting yourself as often as you could be.

When we don’t trust ourselves, we
- second guess ourselves, 
- feel stuck in indecision, 
- are consumed with fear over making a bad or wrong decision, 
- worry there’s a better approach out there (and we keep searching for it), and 
- look for external validation or assurance instead of tuning into our own awareness.

With all of the personal study I’ve done around trust, trust isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It comes with practice.

You may have more clarity around some decisions than others. And that’s appropriate. Like whether or not to take on a new client. Some decisions have higher stakes and require more information. Like your next pivotal hire.

Consider how you could benefit from practicing trusting yourself:

- What do you notice when you’re struggling to make a decision? 
- What do you notice when you make a decision with clarity? 
- Is there an area of your work where you could trust yourself more? 
- How could your organization benefit when you have more trust in yourself? 
- How is your organization impacted when you doubt yourself?

If you have any questions or would like to explore this topic with me, email me at tara@tara-whitney.com or schedule a coffee chat. https://lnkd.in/evQSpm9G

Why Speaking Up (in your true voice) Is Hard

It happened again. You walked out of that meeting without speaking up. That idea popped into your mind. You had so many questions on that presentation. But instead of putting your voice in the room, you stayed quiet. 

A little voice inside of you said, “That’s a dumb question”. And then the person next to you asked the same one. Or, you kept looking for the right time to insert your idea, but it meant you had to interrupt someone. And you hate it when someone interrupts you, so you don’t want to do it to someone else. 

This can feel so frustrating. You’ve got the flow of ideas and insights, but they’re contained and locked away. It’s not that you don’t want to share what’s on your mind, you just don’t know how. You don’t feel heard. Do your colleagues in the room even realize you’re there? 

Why are many women struggling with this when our male colleagues seem to have no problem asking questions and sharing their ideas? 

For starters, women have been conditioned from a young age to be nice and polite. This can include not speaking up, especially if what you have to say will create waves, be controversial or is disruptive. It’s easier to say “I agree” and go with the group think than to say “I disagree and I think we’re moving in the wrong direction”. 

There is a good chance that when you’ve spoken up in the past, your idea was dismissed or glossed over. I’ve been in meetings where a woman has offered an idea that was subtly dismissed and then five minutes later a man offered the same idea and received praise. If this has ever happened to you, you may feel like you’re going crazy. You’ve spoken up and someone else got credit for your wisdom. 

Sadly, you may have grown up in an environment where speaking up was dangerous. Family dynamics are tricky and if authority figures told you to stay quiet or punished you for speaking your mind, then you may have carried this pattern into the workplace. 

Not speaking up isn’t a character flaw or a result of a personal defect. Not speaking up is a conditioned response to ensure your own safety. Basically, it’s not because of you, it’s because of the environments you’ve been trying to survive and even thrive in. 

This is a powerful starting point. Safety always comes first and if you don’t feel safe speaking up, then it’s not going to happen in an organic way that feels true to you. When folks don’t have safety, they may “yell” or speak with anger or they may “whisper” and speak with fear. Either way, your voice won’t feel true to you. 

When you do feel safe speaking up, you’ll connect with ease within yourself. Instead of your ideas being blocked, they’ll flow. You will be cultivating your creativity instead of tampering it with doubt. Instead of feeling invisible in the workplace, you’ll have a presence in the room. 

Advice If You Hate Having Your Picture Taken

Facebook and Instagram feeds are flooded with pictures of graduation, prom and other big milestones.  It’s a popular time of year for photos!

Getting your picture taken, even when among trusted loved ones, can feel incredibly stressful. 

To avoid the camera, you may: 

• Always hide in the back or outer side of a group picture. 

• Wear dark or oversized clothes to blend in. 

• Volunteer to take the picture. 

• Encourage your group to take headshot selfies. 

If this is you, you’re not alone. Having our picture taken, especially when we aren’t happy with how our bodies look, can feel risky. When you see the picture, you may immediately judge yourself and how you look. You naturally assume that people are judging you the same way you are. 

If you’re not happy with your appearance or your body, it makes sense that you’re avoiding the camera. It’s the safer thing to do. 

But this has a cost. 

You’re spending a good deal of time and energy on these avoidance strategies. Seeing a picture of yourself after the fact, one that you’re not happy with may leave you spinning and hating your body even more. 

One of my clients always avoided the camera when her kids were small. Now she regrets it. She looks back at family pictures and she’s not in them. She can’t recreate those memories, the time has passed. 

Another Way

Disliking having your picture taken is not the problem, it’s just a symptom or reaction you’re having because of the relationship you have with yourself, specifically, your body.  

Just like any relationship, it can change when you choose to heal it. This can take some time, intention and practice. 

You can make a simple and easy shift today by changing what you focus on. 

When you see a picture of yourself, you’re the observer of yourself. The observer is the part of you that judges, criticizes and compares by saying things like, “Uggh, look at those arms!”,  “How did you let yourself go?”,  “That dress does you no favors.” and “I’m the biggest person in the group”. No wonder having your picture taken feels painful. 

When you focus on the sensations of your body, you can be present and emotionally and mentally available. You can notice what it feels like to be proud of your child graduating or grateful to be with family members you haven’t been with in a while. For many people, this can feel grounded and peaceful. 

Your attention can’t be in two places at the same time. Move from the observer to the embodied. 

I also invite you to take a risk. If you’ve always been one to hide in the back, move toward the front or center of the group. Notice what it’s like to let yourself be seen. 

Be patient with yourself. This may take some time. But your efforts will be worth it. 

Life when the camera isn’t something to be afraid of.

After working together for a few months, a client shared what happened when she returned from a family vacation. She looked at each picture with neutrality. “Oh, that’s me.” No gasp, no fear, no dissecting certain body parts, just fact. There she was, on the edge of the Grand Canyon. And thankfully, her fond memories were captured in a picture. 

When “Needing To Put Yourself out There” Stresses You Out

Safe Visibility Is the Answer

Advancing yourself professionally means you need to be visible. You may be contemplating a job change. Or you’re going after a promotion. Or you want to start your own business. Folks need to know you, see you and hear you before they hire you, promote you or buy from you. 

There are plenty of ways to be visible. You can expand your network and reconnect with some old colleagues. You can get yourself to a few networking events. Inside your organization, you can pull the curtain back and share the impact you’re making with your boss or your board. You can also create content, share your ideas, and demonstrate thought leadership.  

You know what to do. So, why do you have a pit in the bottom of your belly when you think about doing them?

You likely have the best reasons why you can’t be more visible; you’re too busy and don’t have time, or you’ve convinced yourself that your hard work and years of building professional goodwill will be enough.  

There are a few reasons why putting yourself out there is easier said than done. 

1. You’re likely out of practice. Consider what it would be like to date again after being in a committed relationship for a few years or a few decades. It would be uncomfortable and you’d wonder, how is this being done these days? 

2. You’re not sure where to start. And that just leaves you feeling overwhelmed. 

3. At a deeper level, it feels vulnerable. 

Let’s pause at #3 for a moment. It’s risky to put ourselves out there. You may feel uncomfortable when you share your clients' glowing feedback with your boss. When you prepare to give a talk, you may be flooded with doubts. When you put your name in the hat for a dream job, you risk getting passed over. 

This is why it’s so important for you to have safe visibility. If you force yourself “out there”, you may notice the impact; you’re filled with anxiety and worry. Basically, it’s not fun. Which makes it hard to do it again and again. Who wants to feel forced to do something that makes you miserable? 

Creating safe visibility is like building a strong and steady foundation for yourself. When you have it, you can show up, speak up, and have a presence in the room that’s true for you. Showing up will no longer be stressful, it will just be something you do. 

To start creating safe visibility, you need to recognize your inner state and know how to self-regulate. Safety starts in your body. 

While you’re doing that, let yourself take small steps. 

• Create a plan that you can implement over time. 

• Don’t be afraid to take your time. 

• Celebrate each time you put yourself out there. 

• Acknowledge yourself for your new practice. 

Don’t force yourself out there. Make it a gentle invitation. Set up a process where you can be safely visible consistently, without stress or overwhelm. 

If you’d like support on how to be safely visible, let’s talk. Book a discovery call with me here.

What if You Could Be MORE of Your Truest Self and LESS of the Person You Think You SHOULD Be?

You know all too well who you "should" be... 

Put together. 

Smart. 

Nice. 

Healthy. 

Hard working. 

You shouldn't let anyone down, especially not your loved ones. You shouldn't let a deadline slip or have an out of control laundry room. You shouldn't eat "crap" food and you should be exercising regularly. 

When our "shoulds” pile up, they feel overwhelming. And, because there are so many of them, we can never meet all of those expectations and be the right person for everyone else. That can make us feel guilty and like we are always doing something wrong. 

There is another option. 

Recognizing your ideal self and expanding her. Seeing your struggles and acknowledging the wisdom in them. Bringing a compassionate voice to your doubts and fears. Letting go of the "ideals'' that others have created for you and crafting your own standards. Connecting with your true self is the best gift you can give to yourself and the world. 

Oh, I recognize this is easier said than done. But I wanted to offer you a different approach to how you design your New Year’s resolutions, goals and intentions. Essentially, the person we think we should be is that “perfect” person. That perfect person is acceptable, lovable and successful. No wonder we’ve been striving for that. 

In my forthcoming book, I share many stories of how I tried to be “perfect”. I’d straighten my curly hair when I went to important client meetings, so I could present myself as more “put together”. I’d stay up well past the kids went to bed to meet a work deadline. 

But, where has striving for this ideal gotten us?

Exhausted. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Feeling like a failure. But when we are more ourselves, we get to relax and feel the true confidence that comes from knowing that we don’t need fixing.  

Is Your Negative Body Image Impacting Your Career?

I never would have linked these two things together; how I felt about my body and how successful I could be in business. After all, we’ve been taught how to succeed in business; work hard, get the right education, connect with a mentor and take well-calculated risks.

But now, as I reflect on the twists and turns in my career, I can see how the shifts I made in my relationship with food and my body went step by step with the changes I made professionally. I started my career in public accounting and thirty years later, I’m a published author who coaches female leaders to stop dieting and gain confidence in their bodies.

Let me share my brief career timeline. But I want you to know that I started dieting and eating emotionally when I was 12. So, even though I'm sharing with you some more recent diet history, I was experiencing disordered eating and body dysmorphia at a young and tender age.

• 2000. Started practicing yoga. Working in corporate accounting.

• 2001. Joined Weight Watchers after the birth of my son.

• 2007. Began training to be a yoga teacher.

• 2008. Left corporate accounting. Later that year, I founded my accounting consulting firm.

• 2009. Started practicing intuitive eating on my own.

• 2011. Opened my yoga studio.

• 2015. Became a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. Started coaching part-time.

  * This was the year I was actively running three businesses.

• 2016. Closed yoga studio.

• 2018. Dissolved accounting consulting firm.

• 2019. Transitioned into coaching full-time. Published my first book.

My yoga and intuitive eating practice taught me how to live inside of my body. Before then, I didn’t know that was a thing. I was dieting, doing my best to lose weight, and was disconnected from my body. I couldn’t live inside of my body because I was too busy judging it.

I could have stayed in my accounting career. But as much as I enjoyed the work, I couldn’t help noticing how draining and empty it left me. The more I listened to my body, I couldn’t ignore these signals.

Before these practices, life around food and my body were hard. I was:

• Needing to be perfect to feel good enough.

• Believing that I needed a thin body to be successful.

• Validating myself based on what others thought of me and my performance.

• Exhausted and frustrated.

• Feeling unfulfilled.

As my body image changed, I became more willing to create and run businesses that were closer to my heart and allowed me to share myself with more passion and confidence. Here are some concrete things that allowed me to change the trajectory of my career:

• I had more time and energy to focus on my business because I was no longer preoccupied, worried, or obsessing over food.

• I felt more confidence and trust in myself because I was no longer dieting and failing at dieting.

• I saw my body as a source of wisdom and started to care for it deeply. This means I started to slow down instead of being hooked on the busyness that left me feeling exhausted.

• I know what alignment feels like and what out of alignment feels like. I can distinguish between the two because I practice being present and grounded in my body.

I have a vision of female leaders that have reclaimed their time, energy, and inner wisdom to focus on what matters most to them. They’ve taken it back from dieting, emotional eating, and their negative body image.

They’ve done this because they’ve changed their body image. For women to truly thrive and feel fulfilled in their careers, they need to have a connection to their bodies.

This is why I’ve created a quiz, Is your body image holding you back professionally?

This quiz will likely take you less than 5 minutes. You'll find out if your body image is holding you back, weighing you down or if you feel pretty free around your body.

You can take it here.

Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin

I’d like to invite you to a free to attend webinar on this topic. See details below. 

There was a time in my life when I believed that I'd feel comfortable in my own skin when my body was thinner. I had this fantasy that when I finally lost weight that my whole life would fall into place. I'd feel more confident at work. I'd feel cuter and more attractive. I’d be relaxed around what I was eating because my body had finally reached my goal weight. 

In my mind, feeling comfortable in my own skin was a goal to achieve, something I needed to earn. And my reward for my hard work was that I’d be happy, attractive and comfortable with my life. 

If that fantasy had become a reality, my story would have stopped there. I would have declared victory and moved on. 

I never reached this goal. Not even close. The harder I worked at thinness, the less confident, attractive and relaxed I felt. 

Clearly, my understanding of what it took to be comfortable in my own skin was faulty. I was focused on the wrong things. Primarily because I had been promised that weight loss would make me happy.  

I can't recall the exact day I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. At first, it came in small moments of peace while I was lying in savasana after a sweaty yoga class. Those moments became more frequent. I noticed them when I felt so satisfied after eating a meal that tasted delicious to me, when I felt confident, passionate and nervous while giving a talk in front of a large group. I noticed ease while getting dressed in clothes that I liked wearing. 

As things started to click, I could tell when I felt comfortable in my own skin and when I didn’t. I could practice living inside of my body or I could live outside of my body. One way felt peaceful and one way filled me with anxiety.  

Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin can look and act like this: 

- Weighing yourself and letting the number determine how you feel that day. 

- Exercising intensely because of what or how much you ate. 

- Comparing your body to those around you. 

- Looking at your reflection in the mirror and only seeing what's wrong. 

- Consuming social media pictures that make you feel like your body isn't enough. 

As an intuitive eating counselor and yoga teacher, I know practicing feeling comfortable in your own skin has a big impact on your confidence, self esteem and your relationship with food. It’s possible to feel at peace in your body and know in your heart that no matter what your size, shape or health that your body is a good body. 

This is why I’m excited to invite you to my upcoming webinar. I’ll be sharing with you:

• What's really going on around why you feel so dissatisfied with your body. 

• Three things you can do right away that will start to change how you feel in your body. 

• Why feeling comfortable in your own skin is a practice and not a destination. 

• Guidance on your own body image journey. 

This one hour webinar, Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin,  is free to attend. If you sign up and can’t attend in person, you can purchase the recording for $25. 

Sign up here:

Wednesday, July 27th at 5pm EST, 2pm PST

Thursday, July 28th at 12pm EST, 9am PST 

Do You Trust Your Body?

10 questions to ask yourself. 

It makes sense that we don’t. We’ve been told and conditioned to prioritize external knowledge over internal wisdom. Trusting our body is rarely celebrated or modeled for us. 

But, with practice, it’s absolutely possible (and life changing!). 

1. When confronted with a challenge or problem, do you say “let me think about it” or do you say “let me be with this” ? 

2. Do you prioritize stillness and space? 

3. Do you know how to experience pleasure, joy and peace in your life? 

4. Are you often creating and exploring new solutions and ways of doing things, or do you prefer to follow a formula? 

5. When things don’t go your way, do you immediately assume you’ve done something wrong? 

6. How much time are you on Google reading and seeking information and solutions? 

7. Do you often sign up for courses and training with the hopes that knowing more will give you more confidence? 

8. Do you honor your hunger and eat when you need nourishment? 

9. When you are tired, do you rest? 

10. How would you describe your relationship with your body? A trust advisor? Beloved? An enemy? A stranger? 

I’d love to hear from you. Do you do things that create more trust in yourself and your body?