Body shame is so painful. And most people are experiencing it. It can feel like a heavy blanket that’s just hard to take off. You feel it when you see a picture of yourself from your recent weekend away. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection in a window. When you’re getting dressed in the morning. When you see a picture of a younger version of yourself. Or you notice a friend or co-worker that has a smaller body.
It’s nearly impossible to escape when you hate your body and wish it were smaller, leaner and fitter.
Of course you want to think positively about yourself. You wish you could say something like: I love my body just as it is. But saying that doesn’t feel true to you. Your whole being likely objects and your mind starts to negotiate with that statement. You may think, I’ll love my body when I lose x pounds. I’ll love my body when I can fit into those jeans.
This is one of the reasons positive body talk doesn’t work for you. You don’t believe it.
You may think, well, if I say enough positive things about my body, will I eventually believe that my body is worth loving?
I’ll let you answer that. If you’ve tried it, has it improved your body image? Or, is it really hard to talk to yourself that way?
In my experience, the most effective approach to working with negative self talk is to be a gentle witness to your thoughts.
The reason this is effective:
It takes much less effort and energy and therefore it’s easier to practice.
You’re not creating an internal battle within yourself.
Where your focus goes, energy grows. When you become a gentle witness to these thoughts, you’re no longer fueling the painful thoughts. You can allow them to be just as they are.
As if you're standing on a sidewalk and watching a car drive by, you notice these thoughts without any judgment of them.
As you become a gentle witness, these thoughts no longer become personal. Saying “my body is disgusting.” can feel like a personal attack. But when you simply notice that thought, with the knowledge that every thought is not true, you can just let that thought be. It can feel the same as saying to yourself, “my shoe is untied” or “my hands are cold”. Thoughts can be neutral. And when they are neutral, they have no painful power over you.
Thoughts only have power when we give them meaning. When you’re a gentle witness of your negative body talk, these thoughts can come to the surface, you can notice them, and then they pass.
As you practice this over time, you’ll find that being a gentle witness takes less energy and time.
The result:
How you think and feel about your body changes, without your body changing at all.