You Don’t Need to Manage Your Time Better

I wish I could be cloned. If there were two or even three of me, I could finish everything I needed to do. 

I’ve said this. Have you? 

If you are feeling overwhelmed with too much on your plate, the common thinking is that you have a TIME problem. 

On one hand, that makes sense. If you had an extra few hours to work, you’d get more done. But this is a short-term solution. 

When you think you have a time problem, you’re constantly finding, borrowing, or stealing more time.

You- 

• Work extra hard on a big project, convincing yourself this is just a busier time than usual and you just need to grind it out. Meanwhile, a few days or weeks later, you’re back in the same boat. 

• Sacrifice sleep by getting up extra early or working after the kids are in bed. 

• Convince yourself that if you’re checking email while watching TV, you’re not really working. 

• Multitask by taking client and team calls in the car on your way to dropping the kids off at practice or folding clothes while off camera on a conference call. 

Finding more time doesn’t reduce your overwhelm in the long term. 

A part of you knows you’re working at an unsustainable pace. But there may be a good chance you don’t know how to slow down and work differently. 

What you have is an EXPECTATION problem. The good news is you can’t change time, but you can change expectations. 

I empathize. I’ve been there. And I want to offer you some firm but friendly reminders that will help you slow down enough so you can step off the gerbil wheel. 

• Reflect on the expectations you have for yourself. Do you need to be the one who does it all and does it all perfectly? If so, there isn’t enough time that will help you meet the expectations of perfection. 

• Are you sacrificing your wellness and sanity? If so, there will come a time when you’ll have nothing left to give. 

• Your work, family and life aren’t healthy unless you’re healthy. 

• What are you saying yes to? For every yes, you’re saying no to something else. 

• Prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential. 

• Your value doesn’t come from what you produce. 

• We can never get time back. Be intentional and diligent about how you want to use the time you have. 

Would you like coaching support stepping off this gerbil wheel? Book a coffee chat with me and we will explore if we are a good fit.

Are You Willing to Take Professional Risks?

When asked to take on a new project, do you jump in and go for it? Knowing you'll figure it out as you go along?

Or, do you hesitate if the project is new to you? Do you want to have experience with it before you say yes?

It turns out that most men (90%) jump in and most women (90%) hesitate, according to the research sited in this video.

Take 5 minutes and watch it for yourself.

I've heard men say to me, "I just figure it out as I go along". If you're someone who hesitates, could you see taking on this different approach?

Thank you for offering this video The Heim Group, LLC.

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Do You Avoid Speaking Up In Meetings?

Do you want to post your ideas on social media, but something always holds you back?

Years ago, my first business coach advised me to start blogging and sending a weekly newsletter. All of my doubts and fears flooded in. “I have nothing to say.” “People will think this is stupid, that I'm stupid.” “What if they disagree with me?”

I was feeling like an imposter.

Who was I to speak up and share my ideas?
What if people realized I didn't know what I was talking about?

I created some strategies to work through this, like detaching myself from people’s reaction to my writing. How others responded was outside of my control. I also got clear around why I wanted to write; it made me a better writer. That clarity trumped my inner-critic.

Working through the experience of being an imposter isn't about crushing your fears or forcing yourself to do something you don't feel safe doing.

And, there is a cost. Not speaking up and sharing your ideas, whether it's in a conference room or on Linked In, hurts. It hurts to not be heard and dampen your expression. It hurts your career when you fly under the radar. It hurts your organization when you stay silent instead of challenging the status quo. 

Not speaking up and flying under the radar are common responses to feeling like an imposter. This is normal. And, it doesn't need to hold you back.

When You Can’t Focus

"I've got so much going on. When I have time to get something done, I can't focus."

When I’m feeling this way, you’ll find me scrolling my IG feed. I’ll start watching cat or baby videos or better yet, football hype reels. Or, I’ll mindlessly window shop. 

I get how frustrating this is. You think that if you could be more productive, you’d feel less overwhelmed. You want to work your way out of it, check a few things off your to-do list and feel a sense of accomplishment. 

But you don’t seem to have the bandwidth or energy to focus. What’s going on? 

There is a good chance you're fried. It’s an odd way to describe it, but when our nervous system is working overtime, our circuits go haywire. 

• Are you jumpy and get startled easily? 

• Is it hard to fall or stay asleep? 

• Have you lost your patience and do you lose your temper easily? 

• Does everything, even the small things, feel like a big deal?

These are signs that you need to hit the reset button. 

Working harder won’t help you through the overwhelm (at least in a sustainable way). I know. I said it again. You need to tend to yourself.  

The more you have on your plate, the more downtime you need.  

Giving yourself some space in your day will be worth it. Take time for lunch away from your computer. Go for a short walk. Take 5 minutes and step outside with a cup of tea. 

You can’t be your most creative self if you're feeling depleted. 

Consider some bigger questions... 

• Are you expecting yourself to be all things to all people? 

• Do you have reasonable and sustainable expectations for yourself?  

• Are you able to set boundaries to protect your energy? 

Your struggle with focusing isn’t the real problem, it’s a symptom. As you navigate through this, you’ll see that there is a large part of you that’s asking for more support and a mindset change. 

If you’d like to partner with me to help you through this, set up a time with me to chat.

You Can’t Ever Get Rid of That Negative Voice. Here’s Why.

Yesterday, a friend casually mentioned her negative self-talk to me as “the committee that wakes me up at 2 a.m. to tell me what I should and should not be doing”.

If there is one thing that's universal about the human experience, we all have negative thoughts. 

You've prepared for an important meeting and you're as ready as you'll ever be. As you take a seat around the conference table, your inner voice starts chatting. What if you forget the important points? What if someone asks you a question you don't have the answer to? Your negative inner monologue questions you and fills you with self-doubts. 

In my last post, I shared how important it is to pay attention to this inner voice. Simply notice it and be aware of it. As unpleasant as that may be. 

Now that you're aware of it, what's happening here? Why does that voice jump in during these crucial times when it's the last thing you need? 

You may be surprised to know that this voice has a very clear purpose. It may make you feel anxious and worried, but that’s not what it’s there for. 

Your negative self-talk wants to protect you. 

We have an internal mechanism that detects threats. When a threat is detected, our nervous system will react in a way to protect us. 

When you’re about to give your presentation, a part of you may be anticipating that the folks in the room are judging or criticizing you. Or when you’re in a new situation that feels unfamiliar, a part of you feels uncertain and insecure about what will happen next. Your body detects these situations as a threat.  

We typically react to threats in a few ways by…

• Shutting down. You may feel numb and dulled. 

• Getting angry at others or yourself. 

• Trying to please or appease those around you. 

• Checking out mentally or emotionally. You distract yourself and focus on something else. 

These are ways we freeze, please, flee and fight. 

These reactions are unconscious and automatic responses happening inside your body. You can’t get rid of them. 

This is why noticing your inner committee is so important. You’re fighting yourself when you try to get rid of this voice. Instead of seeing your safety mechanism as a problem, you can see it in a new way. 

By partnering with this voice, you can better understand yourself and how you’re reacting in certain situations. I’ll be sharing strategies and tools to work with this negative voice. Stay tuned.

Is Your Mind Crowded with Negative Self-talk?

What’s going on inside of your head? 

Is it crowded with negative self-talk? 

❗️ I can't do this. 

❗️I need to try harder. 

❓ What’s wrong with me? 

⛔️ They can't see me (or my work). 

❗️They think I’m …. (dumb, wrong, an idiot, bad). 

We’ve all heard our fair share about positive thinking and all of its benefits. 

Before you even try to think positively, are you noticing the thoughts you’re having? 

There is a good chance you’re not. And even if you are, you may not feel how hurtful the words are.

There are a few reasons for this. 

1️⃣ These words are familiar to you because you’ve been speaking to yourself like this for a long time. 

2️⃣ You try not to dwell on these thoughts and work to move past them quickly. 

3️⃣ You try to be a positive person and don’t want to acknowledge that these thoughts fill your mind. 

There is a part of you that doesn’t like it when you speak to yourself so harshly. Rightfully so. 

But you can’t change something you don’t know is there. 

So first, I invite you to pay attention. Get curious. How do you speak to yourself? This isn’t meant to be an exercise for you to judge your thoughts. Just notice the conversations you’re having. It may be interesting to write them down. 

Over the next few posts, I’m going to offer you some insight into what your negative self-talk is all about, how it works, the purpose it serves, and most importantly, what to do about it (it’s not the advice you’ve already read). 

A Different Way To Think About Confidence

Are you hoping that raise or promotion will finally make you feel successful?

Are you hoping that when you hit that revenue target that you'll know your organization has finally "made it"?

Are you hoping that when you've lost that 20 lbs, you'll finally feel confident?

Many people have this "one" thing and believe that when they reach it, everything will change. Life will be magically transformed and all problems will go away.

More often than not, goals get reached and the person doesn't feel what they were hoping for.

They got the promotion or raise, but instead of celebrating, they said to themselves "what's next?".

They lost the weight and felt stressed, worried and unhappy.

This is because what we are focused isn't what we really desire. And external achievements or circumstances often don't impact our vital needs.

If you're looking for more confidence, success, safety and happiness, that doesn't come from what's happening around you. You need to generate yourself.

Trusting Yourself is a Practice

I think about trust a lot. A decade or so ago, I realized I was spending my life following “rules” and “guidelines” that weren’t mine. While working hard to follow these external rules, I rarely cultivated trust within myself.

For example, from my pre-teens to my early 30’s, I painstakingly straightened my hair because my curls were too unruly. I needed to be polished and put together.  My curls couldn’t be trusted. If you’ve ever spent way too much time or money defying your true nature, I know you can appreciate the freedom that I’ve claimed by embracing my curls.

It’s not just about tossing your hair straightener. How we do one thing is how we do most things.

If you’re prioritizing external rules over honoring your internal wisdom, there is a good chance that you may not be trusting yourself as often as you could be.

When we don’t trust ourselves, we
- second guess ourselves, 
- feel stuck in indecision, 
- are consumed with fear over making a bad or wrong decision, 
- worry there’s a better approach out there (and we keep searching for it), and 
- look for external validation or assurance instead of tuning into our own awareness.

With all of the personal study I’ve done around trust, trust isn’t something you either have or don’t have. It comes with practice.

You may have more clarity around some decisions than others. And that’s appropriate. Like whether or not to take on a new client. Some decisions have higher stakes and require more information. Like your next pivotal hire.

Consider how you could benefit from practicing trusting yourself:

- What do you notice when you’re struggling to make a decision? 
- What do you notice when you make a decision with clarity? 
- Is there an area of your work where you could trust yourself more? 
- How could your organization benefit when you have more trust in yourself? 
- How is your organization impacted when you doubt yourself?

If you have any questions or would like to explore this topic with me, email me at tara@tara-whitney.com or schedule a coffee chat. https://lnkd.in/evQSpm9G

Why Speaking Up (in your true voice) Is Hard

It happened again. You walked out of that meeting without speaking up. That idea popped into your mind. You had so many questions on that presentation. But instead of putting your voice in the room, you stayed quiet. 

A little voice inside of you said, “That’s a dumb question”. And then the person next to you asked the same one. Or, you kept looking for the right time to insert your idea, but it meant you had to interrupt someone. And you hate it when someone interrupts you, so you don’t want to do it to someone else. 

This can feel so frustrating. You’ve got the flow of ideas and insights, but they’re contained and locked away. It’s not that you don’t want to share what’s on your mind, you just don’t know how. You don’t feel heard. Do your colleagues in the room even realize you’re there? 

Why are many women struggling with this when our male colleagues seem to have no problem asking questions and sharing their ideas? 

For starters, women have been conditioned from a young age to be nice and polite. This can include not speaking up, especially if what you have to say will create waves, be controversial or is disruptive. It’s easier to say “I agree” and go with the group think than to say “I disagree and I think we’re moving in the wrong direction”. 

There is a good chance that when you’ve spoken up in the past, your idea was dismissed or glossed over. I’ve been in meetings where a woman has offered an idea that was subtly dismissed and then five minutes later a man offered the same idea and received praise. If this has ever happened to you, you may feel like you’re going crazy. You’ve spoken up and someone else got credit for your wisdom. 

Sadly, you may have grown up in an environment where speaking up was dangerous. Family dynamics are tricky and if authority figures told you to stay quiet or punished you for speaking your mind, then you may have carried this pattern into the workplace. 

Not speaking up isn’t a character flaw or a result of a personal defect. Not speaking up is a conditioned response to ensure your own safety. Basically, it’s not because of you, it’s because of the environments you’ve been trying to survive and even thrive in. 

This is a powerful starting point. Safety always comes first and if you don’t feel safe speaking up, then it’s not going to happen in an organic way that feels true to you. When folks don’t have safety, they may “yell” or speak with anger or they may “whisper” and speak with fear. Either way, your voice won’t feel true to you. 

When you do feel safe speaking up, you’ll connect with ease within yourself. Instead of your ideas being blocked, they’ll flow. You will be cultivating your creativity instead of tampering it with doubt. Instead of feeling invisible in the workplace, you’ll have a presence in the room. 

This is Safe Visibility

Last week, I decided to take a bit of a risk. After my morning meditation, I was inspired to share my thoughts on being in the present moment. 

Just as I was about to post on LinkedIn, I thought “how about sharing a picture of me?”. It was an early hour and I was in my workout clothes without a shower. So I cozied up to my office mate and king of house, Remy (my 14 year old burmese mountain dog mix).  And took this picture…. 

I asked my husband for his input. When I’m about to take a risk, no matter how small, it’s nice to know that someone close to me will have my back. He gave me the thumbs up. 

I posted it. And noticed immediately that I had an eye sleepy (aka sleep crust) on my cheek. Ha, ha! Of course there was. 

We are told to show our professional, put together self. We’re told to look the part.

When I scroll through social media and see really put together women, I feel stifled. The idea of only showing the world a beautifully manicured, made up and well dressed version of me feels exhausting. 

Which is why I shared the raw and real me with Remy. I thought, will people take me seriously? Will they think less than me? 

I know why it felt uncomfortable. I’m going against everything I’ve been taught on how to show up. 

This is how practicing safe visibility works. You…

• Don’t force yourself out there. You let inspiration lead you. 

• Gather your support. 

• Give yourself permission to take small risks and expect it will feel uncomfortable. 

• Let it be messy. 

• Celebrate yourself for showing up.

• Choose to do it again.
  

This is important because when I allow myself to be safely visible, I give you permission to do the same. 

Are you ready to share your inspiration? professional expertise? organization? thought leadership? 

If so, practice safe visibility so you can be seen and share yourself without stress or duress.