Running on Fumes? Can’t Step off the Gerbil Wheel?

My clients are exceptionally efficient. Take Julie for example. She’s only been in her role for 2 years and she’s already taking on director-level responsibilities. She does her job and then some. She has no problem stepping up and challenging herself professionally. 

Yet, by the end of each work week, Julie’s completely fried. She’s so depleted that she doesn’t have the energy to do those things that are important to her. She’s often too tired to sleep. Her body is exhausted, but her mind won’t rest. 

Like Julie, you have too much to do and not enough time to do it all. And you’ve gotten good at getting shit done. You know how to multitask. You’re exceptional at managing projects and making sure you hit each deadline. 

My clients realize they’re working at an unsustainable pace. But they don’t know how to step off of the proverbial gerbil wheel. If this is you, I want to let you know what’s really going on here and give you one thing you can do right away. 

Ambitious women have been required to prove themselves. We’ve learned this from a young age. Remember the pressure you felt to do well in high school to get into the right college? And then in college, you had to make the Dean’s list. Your high achievements have been swiftly acknowledged. You’ve climbed the ladder. Received promotions and raises. 

Working hard, going above and beyond, and trying to do the “right” thing has gotten you far. But it’s not going to get you any further when you’re trying to prove that you’re perfect. When women try to be perfect or meet a standard they believe they need to be, they will sacrifice their own time, health, and sanity to reach it. 

Julie’s doing whatever it takes to prove herself. You likely are too. And when it comes to trying to be perfect, there is NEVER a time or accomplishment that allows you to feel like you are perfect. The finish line keeps moving. This is why you feel like you can’t step off the gerbil wheel. 

Meanwhile, you’re prioritizing everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. Client’s deadlines get met. Staff reviews get written and delivered. The kids get driven to their sports practices. Dinner’s on the table. 

Caring for yourself comes last. In some cases, gladly. Because you’ve told yourself that the accolades that come from being great or even exceptional are more important than sleep, nourishment, play, peace or relaxation.  Or, you couldn’t bear the thought of “failing” and letting someone down. Only getting five or six hours of sleep is a worthwhile price to pay. 

Do you see the trap you’re in? There is no way you’re getting to that finish line when you’re trying to meet someone else’s standards. Ever. How do I know this with such certainty? If I know you the way I think I do, you’ve already put in an immense amount of time and energy to be perfect. And in your mind, you’re not there yet. If there was a real finish line, you would have crossed it by now?

Ready for a change? Today, take a lunch break. Eat lunch. Not at your desk. Not while you’re on your phone. Fix yourself something you’ll enjoy eating. Give yourself 20-30 minutes and just eat. 

This is probably going to be hard for you. Don’t blow it off. By taking a small fraction of time in your day for yourself you’re choosing to prioritize yourself and your needs. It will likely feel uncomfortable. You may try to convince yourself that this is a worthless endeavor. If that’s what you believe, then definitely make sure you do this. 

Proving that you’re perfect or trying to prove that you’re perfect is deep-in-your-bones exhausting. You can’t work your way out of this. When you can see the trap you’re in, you just need to stop running.

Attention Entrepreneurs! Your Relationship with Your Body is Impacting Your Business.

When I was deciding on which public accounting firm to join out of college, one conversation with a senior manager from my top pick stuck out in my mind. He said, “we work hard and play hard.” 

He had me at hello. I eagerly joined and quickly learned that working hard meant 60 hour work weeks and playing hard meant nice team dinners and meeting for drinks on Fridays at 7 pm. Don’t get me wrong. I loved it. I learned a ton and worked with awesome people. I even met my husband while working with this firm. At the time, he worked in the marketing department of one of my clients. 

As much as I learned while working in public accounting, I’ve had to unlearn as an entrepreneur. 

I was taught to value hard work above all else, which included showing my clients and bosses that I put in the time to get the job done well. Late hours, 7 am start days, no lunches, weekend hours. What I learned: Hard work is a high priority. 

At the end of each job, we got evaluated. Every year, I was ranked among my peers based on my performance. This ranking determined my raise and bonus. What I learned: External measures matter most. 

I vividly recall an afternoon when I had just wrapped up a client. I hadn’t worked out in weeks. I drank a much-needed massive cup of Dunkin’ that morning after a late night of work that was still sloshing around in my belly. I went for an easy run along the Charles River in Cambridge near my condo, eager to get outside. Yet, my body wasn’t having it. I was exhausted and nauseous.  I was also frustrated that my body wasn't cooperating. What I learned: Hard work meant that my body suffered. And that’s okay. 

Not surprisingly, when I started my first business, an accounting consulting firm, in 2008 I took the same values and teachings I learned in corporate accounting. As I see it now, I ran my business from my head. 

My three children were so young at the time, each under 8. My plate was full, yet, I always felt like I should be doing more and never had enough time to do it. I wished I could have been cloned because I felt like I was doing the work of two people. I never had enough time and always felt this tension, this fear, that I was going to let someone down and not do what was expected of me. 

My hard work tactic was only backfiring because I couldn’t work my way out of the hole of exhaustion and overwhelm. Yet I didn’t have any other tricks up my sleeve. 

Hard work. Valuing myself based on how others judged me (or how I thought they judged me). Disregarding my wellness. All of this worked in the past. But not now. Not while I was running my own business. 

As an entrepreneur, you know as well as I do, that your business is a reflection of you. It reflects your passions, values, and strengths. On another level, you can also consider your business as an energy you’ve created and nurtured. As you grow and expand, your business will grow and expand along with you. 

Without connecting with your body, you’re likely feeling out of alignment with your business. When I was trying to run my business under the ole’ “work hard, play hard” model (aka from my head), I wasn't living inside of my body. No wonder my business felt so heavy and hard. No wonder I felt disconnected from it. No wonder I judged it so often and thought it should be growing faster and be more profitable. My business was lacking me. 

Your body is the vehicle that communicates your intuition, needs, emotions, preferences, and passions. You’re your business's most valuable asset. When you run your business from your head, you’re missing a massive contribution; your body.  

Your body is always offering you tremendous wisdom. The question is, are you willing to notice, respect, and listen to it? 

I know connecting with your body in your business isn't so simple. Please know there could be other reasons besides just the teachings of corporate America that have you leading your business from just your head. I’ll be exploring them in some upcoming articles and videos. 

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you. Are you connecting with your body in your business?