When I was in college, I was training to "walked on" to our cross country team. I don't have a typical runners body, but I loved running and wanted to challenge myself. Before the season, I went to my cousins wedding and sat with a family friend. I shared my training with him and my plan to join the team. In front of the whole table, he said "if you're going to do that, you better lose some weight."
After the initial "fuck you" that I screamed in my head, I felt the sting of embarrassment and shock. I had no words that I could say politely out loud.
But the sucky part was that his comment only confirmed for me my biggest fear at the time. Big girls don't run cross country. I knew I needed to be smaller and leaner. Little did this man know, I was doing my best to eat as little as possible.
Uggh. If you've had this experience, and I'm suspecting you have, I'm so freakin' sorry. I wish we didn't live in a culture of dieting where it's acceptable (and sometimes encouraged) for people to comment on other's bodies.
Sadly, it's very common for us to receive comments about our bodies from friends and loved ones. This family friend must have thought he was doing me a favor by telling me I needed to lose weight. Or he was just trying to be mean. Or he was fuckin' oblivious. Or all of the above.
It doesn't matter what the intentions are of the people delivering comments to us, it's important to remember that your body is none of their business. I know that doesn't keep them from hurling comments your way. But it can help you establish a clear boundary with people.
One of my responses to this family friend could have been to tell him that I was dieting. This is a common way people respond. It's like "Don't worry. I know. I've got this handled.". But you don't need to explain how you care for your body to other people. Your body is none of their business.
You may want to joke or even make fun of yourself. If you received comments on your body, you may have automatically laughed. Laughing is a natural way to discharge discomfort. No need to get down on yourself about that. You're just caring for yourself.
And, their comments may have surprised the shit out of you. It may have come out of nowhere and really shocked and stunned you. It's not always easy to be thinking on your feet like this. It's okay if you didn't have a response. You were attacked. Don't blame yourself for not having your own defense mechanism ready.
But if you do want to have words with folks that comment on your body, here are some ideas:
No thank you.
Please don't comment on my body.
Your comments hurt me. Please stop.
You can use these same words if people are commented on your loved one's bodies. I highly recommend that if you are an adult and someone is commenting on a child's body that you say something to that person. Let them know that they need to stop commenting immediately. No one deserves to be bullied for their body. No one.
In the meantime, do your best to be compassionate to yourself. You deserve respect. If you don't receive it from others, you can still offer it to yourself.