Do You Worry That You’ll Be “Letting Yourself Go” if You’re Not Dieting?

A common fear that arises when people stop dieting and therefore stop trying to change their body is that they will "let themselves go". 

I'm sure you can picture what "letting yourself go" means. 

You'll only want to eat "junk" food. And you'll be eating large amounts of it. 

You will gain weight and won't fit into the clothes in your closet. 

You won't be active or work out. 

You may also worry what other people will think of you when you're not dieting. 

What will they say when you swap out a salad for a sandwich? 

Or if instead of buying low sugar or low calorie foods, you start enjoying the foods you love because they taste better to you. 

Will they think you don't care about your health? Will they express their concern to you? 

Diet culture is pretty masterful at convincing us that if we are not with them, we are against them. 

Which means if we aren't dieting, we must be not caring about our health or bodies. 

Of course this isn't true. If you've been dieting for a long time, you're familiar with two gears; on a diet and off a diet. 

Diet culture tells us that "off a diet" is letting yourself go. 

It's important to remember that if you weren't dieting in the first place, there would be no reason to go off a diet. Being "off a diet" is only the reaction you have (and often the healthiest reaction) to food restriction. 

When you're not restricting food, you get to tune into your body without food rules. 

The truth is that when you stop dieting you're claiming a third gear; nourishing your body and exploring what it feels like to feel satisfied around food. 

This is the opposite of letting yourself go. This is caring for yourself and your body deeply. This is self-care at its finest. 

What’s Really Driving Your Food Struggles… Body Shame

When I was really struggling with food, I knew my struggles weren’t about food. I knew this deep inside of me, but I didn’t have words to describe it. 

And my inner knowing didn’t stop me from making it about food.  I would still try to cut back on sugar, or take gluten out of my diet (with no diagnosed gluten sensitivity), or stop eating certain kinds of foods like nightshades or yogurt or coffee. :(. 

I can see now that diet culture offers us so many solutions that are ALL about food. This is how weight loss companies and coaches make their money. 

But there is something that happens when we try to solve a challenge by just addressing the symptom. 

If you are like me, you know the symptom was feeling out of control around certain foods. Worrying that you’d overeat trigger foods. And even believing you have a food addiction. 

When you consider these symptoms, it’s easier to look at a food with sugar and believe that if you could get rid of sugar then all of your food struggles would go away. 

Trying to take sugar out of my diet only made me fight with sugar more. And therefore fight with myself. Making it about sugar only distracted me from what was really going on. But it also reaffirmed my problem as a real problem. Essentially, it kept the struggle in place. 

If you’ve been struggling with food and making it about food, it’s time for a step back. 

You can’t diet your way through your food struggles. 

You can’t restrict your way to feeling more in control around food. 

The part of me that made it about food was the part of me that wanted to keep my weight down. I was hoping that If I could eat the right foods, I wouldn’t gain weight. 

Which is why getting to the root of the struggle is so important. It’s not about food, it’s about body shame. 

We’ve been driven to dieting to fix our bodies. We’ve been told there is something wrong with our bodies and then we internalized body shame. No one has to tell you that your body is wrong or bad, that belief system lives inside of you. You tell yourself that all of the time. 

If you didn’t need to fix your body, you wouldn’t need to diet. If you didn’t need to diet, you wouldn’t need to struggle with food. 

Body shame is at the root of food struggles. 

I guide my clients to understand how their body image and patterns with food work together. If you’d like to explore more support around this, book a Clarity Call with me here. https://bookme.name/tarawhitney/lite/clarity-call

If You’re Dieting and Trying To Lose Weight, You’re Wasting Precious Time and Energy

And your sanity. 

You're counting calories or macros. You're trying to eliminate a certain food group for weight loss. You're trying to follow a set of diet rules and ignore your hunger. You're using exercise to burn calories. 

Here's what you’re wasting time doing: 

1. worrying about what you eat. 

2. trying to avoid certain foods or food groups. 

4. finding the next diet you hope will finally work. 

5. counting and logging.

6. planning your meals and snacks so you can stay on track.

7. spending way more time than enjoyable working out.

8. stepping on the scale.

9. doing what it takes to avoid hunger (chewing gum, drinking tons of water, eating air food like low calorie popcorn).

10. Holding onto clothing that doesn’t fit for motivation.

You’re likely: 

• feeling like a failure

• wondering what wrong with you

• frustrated and exhausted

• ashamed of your body

• wondering if you're addicted to carbs and sugar
  

Remember; dieting and intentional weight loss only leads to long term weight gain. The question you can ask yourself before you diet is; how much time do want to waste and how much weight do you want to gain

Is this getting you the results you’re looking for? Are you feeling healthier? 

I have a ton of compassion if you are in this place. I've been there. I know you believe you're doing the right thing. I know diet culture has told you the weight solution is out there if you just wanted it enough (and worked hard enough at it). 

We can only focus our attention on one thing at a time. When you're focused on these things, you miss the opportunity to engage in what's in front of you. 

Your time is very precious. No one’s future is not guaranteed. Hug your loved ones. The greatest gift you can offer the world is your full engaged presence. 

Earning vs. Deserving

the mindset shift that will heal your relationship with food and your body

My high school softball coach had a sign in her office; “The harder you work, the luckier you get.” These words became my mantra. And then I made them true.  In all areas of my life but one. When I worked hard, I was rewarded. I worked hard and got lucky on the field, at school and in the office. 

I tried for decades to apply this “work hard and good luck will come” mentality to my body and weight loss.  And diet culture agreed and cheered me on.  I believed I just needed more discipline to stay away from forbidden foods, better time management skills to prep meals for the week, and energy to exercise and work out to burn calories. 

Yet, it never worked for me. And it probably isn’t working for you either. Here’s why: 

Diet culture markets their products by telling us that a thinner body will make them feel confident and happy. We see pictures of people that have tried and “been successful” using their product in a slim body, nice clothes with an attractive friend or partner.  

We’ve been sold and told that the only way to be happy is to earn it by achieving a thin body. 

It’s okay to earn our accomplishments. But we don’t need to earn happiness, confidence and peace. 

Yet, what breaks my heart is the underlying belief I hear in my clients stories over and over again. They feel like they need to earn fundament things like: 

Rest

Nourishment

Peace

Ease

Relaxation

Contentment

Because we live in a culture that tells us that if our body isn’t acceptable, we need to:

1. Work hard to achieve one that is with sacrifice and hard work. 

2. Forgo basic needs until it is acceptable. 

When we need to earn our happiness because of our body size, we are just sacrificing the quality of our lives. Again and again. 

The only person that can give you what you desire is you. We don’t need to earn a happy life. 

What are you waiting for? When you retire? When you’ve finally lost those 10 lbs that you’ve been trying to lose for the past 15 years? When you have a perfect food day? When you’ve burned enough calories? 

The earning mentality has been instilled in us and we need to shift it to knowing we deserve care and respect. We deserve love. Simply because we exist. 

You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin no matter what. You deserve rest. You deserve to feel satiated. You deserve to enjoy the food you eat. You deserve to feel safe.

Why Diets Take Women’s Power Away... On Purpose

It doesn’t take an in depth history lesson to know that power has been intentionally withheld from women. Look at voting rights, property ownership and wage disparities, among just a few things. 

When it comes to the power that everyone can have within themselves, power is the ability to have autonomy over your own body and choices.

Attention has always been placed on women’s beauty and in the late 20th century, the thin body ideal was formed as a way of valuing thin women as feminine and attractive. Over time, the value system shifted to include health and success as other attributes to thinness.  

We’ve been sold and told that for a woman to be successful, attractive, and healthy, they need to be thin. 

Most women don’t even question this belief because it’s woven into the fabric of our culture. When a belief is formed and reinforced over and over, it’s very difficult to consider a different way of thinking. 

Diet culture is the force that reinforces this belief and then offers people a solution; diets. Diet culture is what fuels the $70 billion dollar weight loss industry that keeps growing and expanding. 

Diet culture convinces people that dieting and food restriction is an effective way to lose weight and be healthy. 

When in fact, dieting and food restriction has been well researched and regarded as being only effective at long term weight gain. 

But I think you know this. If diets were really effective, wouldn’t you have lost weight on the first one you went on, kept it off and never needed another one? 

And here is where the deception comes in. When folks diet, they… 

• Feel like a failure and blame themselves. 

• Spend countless hours a day obsessing about food and their body weight. 

• Change social plans if they’ve eaten the wrong thing or don’t feel good about their body. 

• Feel body shame and want to hide. 

• Are exhausted and depleted. 

• Become disconnected from their body which often leaves them feeling numb. 

• Lose trust in themselves and look for external validation (like the number on the scale) to feel good about themselves. 

If your body doesn’t conform to the thin body ideal, you’ve been told your body isn’t good enough. It’s not feminine, attractive or healthy. 

The social structure then tells you how to fix your body with diets, clean eating, restriction of food groups and trying to control what you eat. 

If you’ve been dieting to have a better body, you’ve been doing everything that our culture tells you to do. 

But our culture, diet culture and the system that takes away power from women (the patriarchy), has been giving you a solution that’s only harming you. And it’s done on purpose. 

When you’re exhausted, obsessing about food, and feeling like shit because you just stepped on the scale, are you able to… 

• feel happy, 

• engage fully in your life, 

• pursue your passions and dreams, 

• and trust in yourself and your own abilities? 

Of course not. And this is why dieting is a money making tool that takes away women’s choice and power. 

What If You Stopped Trying to Lose Weight?

This post isn't for everyone. But if you're tired, exhausted and frustrated with battling with your body around food, then read on. 

You may be thinking… 

What? No. I couldn't possibly do that. 

If you’ve been trying to lose weight for as long as you can remember, I realize asking you to stop doing something that you’ve been doing for most of your life may feel uncomfortable. 

It may feel foreign. As if you lived in northern Maine your whole life and then you moved to Miami. 

You may object to not TRYING to lose weight because you don’t feel good at your current weight. 

Of course you want to feel good. Let’s consider what’s going on around us. 

If you’ve ever been at a lower weight, people paid attention to you. They encouraged you and your lower weight. It feels good when people approve of us. (btw- take this even deeper; when loved ones approve of us, we feel safe and a sense of belonging.) 

Not only that, we receive messages from our culture that thin bodies are more attractive. Our medical community and wellness culture tells us that thin bodies are healthier. 

You may even believe that you’ll feel more successful in your life if your body was thinner. 

We live in a world with weight bias. This means that the world rewards thin bodies and harms fat bodies. This bias is everywhere. In our homes, schools, work, doctor's offices, and social media feeds. 

Fat people aren't treated well. Of course you wouldn't want to live in a world where you aren't treated well. 

BUT (you knew this was coming, right?). Has TRYING to lose weight helped you to lose weight? 

Or, has trying to lose weight made you feel like a failure? Has it made you obsess about food? Has it eroded your confidence and peace of mind? Has it cost you a lot of time, energy and money with NO results? 

Here is the truth: 

We’ve been told our body is the problem. In fact, our body is the solution. 

Trying to lose weight has disconnected you from your body. You’ve separated yourself from it. That’s why trying to lose weight feels so exhausting and frustrating. You’ve been living at a distance from the one thing that will offer you the success, joy and peace you’ve been seeking. 

It may feel like too much for you to stop trying to lose weight right now. So, here is my invitation to you: 

Put weight loss on hold. Just for today. Or just for this week. Just for this month. 

When you consider that idea, how does your body react? Does it relax? Do you feel a sense of ease and relief? That's a yes. 

Why It's Important to Not Value One Food Over Another

Diet culture tells us that:

• Sugar is addictive. 

• Carbs are bad. 

• Animal protein is good or bad (depending on the diet). 

• Eat clean foods. 

• Greens are good. 

• Certain fruits are good, some are bad. 

Intuitive Eating guides us to know that all foods are (emotionally) equivalent. 

What? This may take a bit to wrap your head around. 

I'm not saying that all foods are nutritionally equivalent. Without a doubt, some foods have more nutrients than other foods. 

** Valuing certain foods as "bad" doesn't keep us from eating them. Thankfully. Eating a variety of foods is healthy. ** 

Here is valuing all foods as emotionally equivalent is so important: 

Eating a food that you think has more or less value changes how you feel about yourself. When you eat what you think is "crap", you likely feel like crap. 

And who wants that? That crappy feeling generally makes you feel guilty and even ashamed of yourself. 

No, you don't need this guilt to prevent you from eating certain foods. When has that ever worked? 

When you make choices on what you "should" be eating, you miss the important conversation with your body around what you would like to eat, what would taste and feel good to you, and what you would enjoy eating. 

As a result, you miss the opportunity to enjoy what you're eating. You miss the chance to eat something really satisfying. 

When you try to avoid certain foods because they are "bad", you end up fighting yourself. This dynamic puts more energy on the food you're trying to avoid. You likely feel exhausted because of it. 

There is no freedom in this. There is no ease around food.

And take this one step further. It's okay to find out what foods you prefer to eat. These preferences are personal to you. To discover these foods, you need to see that all foods are valued (and emotionally equivalent) the same. Without that, it's really hard to know yourself and restore trust in your own body. 

You Weren’t Put on This Earth To Have a Thin or Perfect Body

When it comes to your health, food and your body, dieting and pursuing weight loss aren’t your only options. 

For decades, I never thought I had a choice but to try to make my body smaller. I learned at a young age that I shouldn’t be eating certain foods and that exercise was a way for me to keep my weight down. 

I never challenged the idea. And in a super judgy way, I felt better about myself that I was so committed to my health. I'd be proud of my juicer, the smoothies I carried around with me, and my to-go bags of celery and carrot sticks. 

Yet, eating “healthy” and being “good” wasn’t something I could do all of the time. I’m sure you can relate. I overate and binged a few times a week. If my husband and I got take out on the weekend, I'd always over do it so my belly felt way too uncomfortably full. If I started to eat chocolate, cookies or brownies, I couldn't stop myself from eating way too much. 

This is the trap that many dieters are in. It’s nearly impossible to stay on a diet. Overeating and going off the diet is just inevitable. Yet, when you don’t realize you have another choice, what do you do? 

You keep trying other diets, hoping a new one will work. 

Because diet culture convinces us the diets do work, you may blame yourself when they don’t work for you. 

Yet, the research is clear that diets only lead to weight gain after 3 years. 

You may even say “screw it” and just decide to not pay close attention to how you’re eating and how food makes you feel. You refuse to diet, even though a part of you still wants to lose weight. You may feel like you’re betraying yourself. 

To get yourself out of this trap, you need to know you have another option when it comes to food and your health. 

You can eat a wide variety of foods that you enjoy and not feel guilty about eating. 

You can tune into your body’s hunger and fullness signals and allow them to guide how you eat. 

By letting go of trying to control food, you can allow food to be a source of joy, nourishment and satisfaction. 

This option exists! 

When you practice this, you will reclaim time and energy and feel peaceful around food. 

"Your Body is Working so Hard for You." My Story About Chronic Pain, Compulsive Exercise and Healing

One of my healers said this to me yesterday. I've been seeing her for hip pain that's been so severe I can no longer enjoy my morning walks, snowshoe, or walk up the stairs without struggle. 

Her words stunned me as if she put a medley of words together that I had never heard before.  My brain needed time to catch up. 

My hip pain on its best day has been an inconvenience. At its worse, a living nightmare. I've been pulling all the tools out of my toolbox and I've been finding new ones. Medical doctor and surgical consults, Reiki healing, acupuncture, physical therapy, essential oils, supplements, prayer, surrender, acceptance, journaling, crying, swimming, and pranayama. 

I recently had a loving mental shift and epiphany. My hip isn't a problem that needs fixing. I know whatever is here for me around my hip is for me, not something being done to me. 

I was surprised at how stunned I was. I’ve been appreciating the wisdom of my body for years now. 

I can recognize my hunger and know when I feel overwhelmed and anxious. 

I know when I need rest and downtime. New ideas come to me and I feel inspired. 

This all comes from the wisdom of my body. Not only do I know that.  I can FEEL and tangibly experience it. 

Yet, my healer's words invited me to go deeper. 

I've wished this pain away. I've seen it as an obstacle, getting in the way of how I want to live. I've judged it. I've judged myself for having it. I've worried about it. I've wondered if it will ever go away and if I need to live with it forever. 

Here is what my pain stood for:  

In the past, I controlled my weight with vigorous exercise. I went on long runs to burn extra calories. I spent hours in the gym trying to make my body leaner and fitter.  I was a proud and loud “sweat addict”. I have healed my relationship with exercise so movement is now fun and enjoyable to me. I no longer punish my body for overeating or need to earn a meal with exercise. But still, something lingered. 

• Who am I if I can’t exercise? 

• And, what will happen to me and my weight if I can’t work out, be active and get outside to play in nature? 

The truth of the matter is that not only have I been feeling the pain in my hip. I’ve been mourning the loss of my identity as an athlete, runner, yogi, hiker, snowshoer, snowboarder, and biker. And blaming my body for failing me. 

I’ve been able to partner with my body on some things, but now my personal narrative around what makes me a worthy person has been called into question. I loved being a Division 1 athlete. I’ve loved racing in half marathons and triathlons. I loved moving my body in challenging yoga poses. 

• What's left for me when I can’t hold onto this proud shield? 

• What’s left for me if I can’t claim myself as an athlete any longer?  

My hip pain has been a catalyst for me to examine this old story of who I need to be. 

Recognizing that my body is working hard for me and dismantling this old story means I can call a truce with my body. My body is working as hard for my healing as I've been. We've been partners all along. We're on the same page, wanting the same thing. 

I’ve been keeping an agenda for my body around exercise and sport. Meanwhile, my body has been keeping the same agenda it has and always will keep: to protect me, keep me in balance, and heal. Without this agenda, I can appreciate how my body is working so hard for me. 

As you consider your relationship with your body, I hope my story inspires you to consider that you can partner with your body around food, movement, and healing. 

If this is a new journey for you, one of the simplest steps you can do right now is to notice yourself breathing. When you do this, you likely will notice how: 

Your body is working so hard for you. 

One Reason You Keep Dieting. Even When You Know Dieting Doesn’t Work.

This may be hard to hear. 

When I interviewed Virginia Sole-Smith on my Hungry: Trust Your Body. Free Your Mind podcast, she confessed something that I’ve heard before and I could personally relate to. 

She knew that diets didn’t work. But that didn’t stop her from trying to lose weight. She told herself that she'd be the exception. She would be the 5% (it’s well documented and researched that 95% of diets only lead to weight gain after 3 years). She wanted to be her own “after” picture. 

Virginia and I both talked about our determination. Our discipline. Our strong work ethic. 

We both concluded, without telling a soul, that we had what it took to lose weight and keep it off. 

Although it’s painful to admit, we considered ourselves not only to be the exception, but BETTER people than the vast majority of diet failures. 

And it’s not surprising that we held this belief.  Considering what we commonly hear from folks that just lost weight on a diet.  

If I can do this, you can too. 

It was hard for me at first, but it’s so worth it. 

My life has changed now that I’ve lost all of this weight. 

Diet culture tells us to be strong, hopeful and never to give up. 

Even when we understand science. Our body is designed to protect and defend its set point. Significant weight loss isn’t possible because our body will override any conscious decision-making and ensure that we eat by increasing our drive to eat and slowing our metabolism. 

We live in a world where we are told our body isn’t good enough. After all, a “perfect” body is reserved for a very small margin of folks. Six pack abs are rarely achievable without genetics, significant time and an army of resources. 

If you live in a body that’s not perfect, you’ve already been told you’re a failure. And who wants to be a failure? 

No one. Our one way of digging ourselves out of feeling like a failure is to be exceptional. 

We need to prove we aren’t a failure. We need to prove that diet, restriction and weight loss are something we can accomplish. 

Consider the popular, yet controversial reality TV show The Biggest Loser. An interesting play on words. Taken one way, each contestant is called a big loser. Or a fat failure.  Taken another way, the winner is the contest that lost the most weight. 

Do we need any other proof than that to summarize exactly how you may be feeling about your body weight? 

You may feel really trapped. You may NEED to prove your worth and without a diet and weight loss plan, you feel defeated because you’ll be stuck in a body that’s just wrong. 

Moving out of this trap takes a few steps. 

Understand the role diet culture has played in your belief that your body is wrong and that you need to fix it. 

Be open to the real science of setpoint. I wrote more about it here. Your body is brilliant at keeping itself in balance. 

It’s okay that you wanted to be the exception. You are exceptional. But you don’t need to lose weight to prove that to yourself or anyone else. 

Allow your body to take the lead. Start to be curious about its signals. With practice, you’ll eventually trust it to guide you and your health and well-being. 

One Reason You Can’t Lose Weight

** Friends, I’m not a weight loss coach. I take a weight-neutral approach in my work, which means I advocate for you to thrive in your life with your body at any size. 

In this post, I am talking about the complexity of weight loss. I’m not advocating for weight loss or sharing with you tips or tricks on how to lose weight. I’m not implying you need to lose weight. **

In my early 30’s I joined a commercial diet plan and lost a good deal of weight in a short time. 

This was right around my birthday, so my husband took me on a shopping spree. I got to “celebrate” my smaller body with cute clothes. 

Everyone noticed, including my step-father who said “Tara, there isn’t going to be much left of you.” 

Thanks to diet culture, we’ve learned to celebrate and acknowledge weight loss and thin bodies. Way to go, they say, keep up the good work. You look so beautiful, they say. 

You know all of this and probably have experienced it first hand.

Yet, the impact of these comments goes deeper than you imagine. 

What we likely hear is, what was wrong with my body before I lost weight? Was I that disgusting before? 

But, we also FEEL the watchful eyes on our bodies. As they notice our body weight, we immediately feel judged. Even if their comments seem kind and encouraging. The comments imply that our thin body is worth more than our bigger body.  

When it felt like all eyes were on me (after weight loss), I was on high alert. I was anticipating the next comment and trying to be prepared. When I wasn’t expecting it, the comment would arrive and I wish I could cover my head, pull my knees to my chest and hide under a blanket. 

Our body knows when it’s being judged. Now I know what was happening to me. My body was in a state of fight and freeze. 

Comments on your body or comments made to you about other bodies likely put you on high alert, make you feel judged, and trigger a shame response. 

A shame response is how your body reacts when it perceives a threat and tries to keep you safe (fight/ flight or freeze). 

As you’ve been living in this dynamic for most of your life, in the back of your mind you may be thinking, I need to lose weight. I want to drop 10 pounds. I want to finally get thinner. 

But, is it safe for you to lose weight? 

No. It’s not. 

A part of you may be saying: 

Don’t see me because I’m not lovable the way I am. 

Don’t see me because I’m not safe when you see me. 

This is why weight loss is so complex. 

Because there is a part of your mind and body that knows that your thinner body will only get more attention. It may be “positive” attention on the surface, but it’s still judgment. 

And that attention doesn’t create safety in your body. It does the opposite. It creates fear. When we feel fear, our nervous system automatically responds. We can’t override it, no matter how hard we try. 

There is a good chance that you’ve been blaming yourself for your weight loss failures. You may be wondering if you just haven't found the right diet yet that will work for you. You’ve been wondering how to find more discipline and motivation to eat the “right” way. 

Besides the fact that 95% of diets only lead to weight gain in the long term, you’ve likely been living with inner conflict around being safely seen in your body. 

Every human wants to be seen, and feel loved, just the way they are. 

Diet culture convinces us that weight loss is the way to feel loved. But the only way to feel loved is to live and feel safe in our bodies.

3 Reasons You Keep Looking for Your Next Diet

You may feel like a crazy person, but here’s the truth

When people talk to me about their relationship with food, they tell me they’ve tried every diet out there. They list them off to me like state capitols. We’ve all heard of them and visited a few of them ourselves.

Before I began my food freedom journey, I was always looking for a way to lose weight and slim down.

Weight loss ads would catch my eye. My ears would perk up if I heard someone talk about how they just lost weight. I’d enviously study weight loss before and after pictures hoping to learn their secrets.

When I found that new diet, I’d quickly order the book on Amazon. I’d create a membership account and join their online community. I’d start with all of the enthusiasm and eagerness of a college freshman on her first day of school. I’d clean out my pantry and go to the grocery store with the list of “acceptable” foods in hand.

You know what comes next. Eventually. Inevitably. Maybe 3 months, 3 weeks, or just 3 days.

I couldn’t follow my new diet any longer.

Instead of losing weight, I lost hope. I wondered what I did wrong. I wondered why my new diet worked for the person in the before and after picture, but not for me. Did I not give it enough of my time and energy? Was I not disciplined enough? Was there some self-limiting belief that was holding me back?

I could only assume the answer to each of those questions was yes. It wasn’t the diet. It was me.

After a few months, I’d start this cycle all over again with new hope and enthusiasm by looking for a new diet.

Does this craziness around searching for a new diet sound familiar?

If you’re wondering why you keep doing the same thing and hoping for different results, I want to offer you some insight. There are some very valid reasons you’ve been chronically dieting.

1. You’ve been told that you haven’t YET found the right diet for you.

Weight loss companies with big marketing budgets and manipulative marketing messages tell us that their diet works. They’re masterful at sharing research, testimonials, and celebrity endorsements letting us know that their solution will help us lose weight.

Most often they tell you that they have a secret that no one else has. They will tell you that you’re just eating the wrong foods, you shouldn’t be combining certain foods, you need to be eating at the right time of day, eating more or less frequently, or that you’re exercising too much or too little.

This has likely led you to conclude that even though you’ve tried so many different diets, that this one will be different.

The truth is:

Diets aren’t effective for intentional weight loss in the long term. In fact, 95% of dieters will gain all of the weight they’ve lost and more after 3 years. I’m suspecting you know this. If diets were effective, the first diet that you and I tried would have been our last.

2. You’ve been promised a better life when you lose weight.

When we read weight loss success stories and see before and after pictures, we don’t just see a smaller person. We see a happier person that’s in a new relationship, working in a better paying job, and driving a nicer car. Or we see them at the beach in their bathing suit on vacation having the time of their life. We see someone that looks healthy and vibrant with a big smile on their face.

We’ve been told and shown time and time again that thin bodies are beautiful bodies. These messages we get from diet culture can be subtle and not so subtle. You may have been bullied or people may have made cruel comments to you because of the size of your body. I have. You’ve been told (and even believe) that your next diet will make you more attractive. You may be looking to diet to protect you from being on the receiving end of hurtful comments about the size of your body.

The truth is:

Sadly, we live in a fatphobic culture that offers people in thin bodies privilege and discriminates against people in larger bodies. I wish it were different. I want to create a world where our children can know they’re worthy of love and belonging, no matter the size of their body (and their sex, skin color, sexual identity, sexual preference, and ability). We can survive and ultimately thrive in a culture with so much oppression and discrimination. We don’t need to put our life on hold and wait until we’ve lost weight to be happy.

3. You’ve been dieting your whole life and it’s all you know.

The average age a girl in the United States starts to diet is 8 years old. I know. It makes me sick too. When I was growing up in the ’80s, the average age was 12. If you also started dieting in elementary or middle school, those were formative years.

You may have grown up watching your mother (or father) struggle with food and weight loss. When you get together with your family, they may always talk about their latest diets. You’re looking for another diet because it’s just what you do. And it’s what those around you do too. You may even feel like the black sheep if you don’t diet.

The truth is:

Offer yourself a whole lot of compassion. We were born knowing how to nourish ourselves without following the rules of a diet. Yet, that wasn’t modeled for you. You were encouraged to dismiss the sensations in your body. These sensations are still there, they’ve been lying dormant. You can reconnect with your body and let it be the guide in your relationship with food.

Conclusion

We live in a culture that spends a shit-ton of money selling us harmful and destructive solutions. You’ve been told that you’re doing the right thing. The truth is the solution (dieting) is the problem.

If you’ve been beating yourself up for trying one diet after the other, I hope these three reasons give you some relief. It’s not your fault.