One of my healers said this to me yesterday. I've been seeing her for hip pain that's been so severe I can no longer enjoy my morning walks, snowshoe, or walk up the stairs without struggle.
Her words stunned me as if she put a medley of words together that I had never heard before. My brain needed time to catch up.
My hip pain on its best day has been an inconvenience. At its worse, a living nightmare. I've been pulling all the tools out of my toolbox and I've been finding new ones. Medical doctor and surgical consults, Reiki healing, acupuncture, physical therapy, essential oils, supplements, prayer, surrender, acceptance, journaling, crying, swimming, and pranayama.
I recently had a loving mental shift and epiphany. My hip isn't a problem that needs fixing. I know whatever is here for me around my hip is for me, not something being done to me.
I was surprised at how stunned I was. I’ve been appreciating the wisdom of my body for years now.
I can recognize my hunger and know when I feel overwhelmed and anxious.
I know when I need rest and downtime. New ideas come to me and I feel inspired.
This all comes from the wisdom of my body. Not only do I know that. I can FEEL and tangibly experience it.
Yet, my healer's words invited me to go deeper.
I've wished this pain away. I've seen it as an obstacle, getting in the way of how I want to live. I've judged it. I've judged myself for having it. I've worried about it. I've wondered if it will ever go away and if I need to live with it forever.
Here is what my pain stood for:
In the past, I controlled my weight with vigorous exercise. I went on long runs to burn extra calories. I spent hours in the gym trying to make my body leaner and fitter. I was a proud and loud “sweat addict”. I have healed my relationship with exercise so movement is now fun and enjoyable to me. I no longer punish my body for overeating or need to earn a meal with exercise. But still, something lingered.
Who am I if I can’t exercise?
And, what will happen to me and my weight if I can’t work out, be active and get outside to play in nature?
The truth of the matter is that not only have I been feeling the pain in my hip. I’ve been mourning the loss of my identity as an athlete, runner, yogi, hiker, snowshoer, snowboarder, and biker. And blaming my body for failing me.
I’ve been able to partner with my body on some things, but now my personal narrative around what makes me a worthy person has been called into question. I loved being a Division 1 athlete. I’ve loved racing in half marathons and triathlons. I loved moving my body in challenging yoga poses.
What's left for me when I can’t hold onto this proud shield?
What’s left for me if I can’t claim myself as an athlete any longer?
My hip pain has been a catalyst for me to examine this old story of who I need to be.
Recognizing that my body is working hard for me and dismantling this old story means I can call a truce with my body. My body is working as hard for my healing as I've been. We've been partners all along. We're on the same page, wanting the same thing.
I’ve been keeping an agenda for my body around exercise and sport. Meanwhile, my body has been keeping the same agenda it has and always will keep: to protect me, keep me in balance, and heal. Without this agenda, I can appreciate how my body is working so hard for me.
As you consider your relationship with your body, I hope my story inspires you to consider that you can partner with your body around food, movement, and healing.
If this is a new journey for you, one of the simplest steps you can do right now is to notice yourself breathing. When you do this, you likely will notice how:
Your body is working so hard for you.