Do You Worry That You’ll Be “Letting Yourself Go” if You’re Not Dieting?

A common fear that arises when people stop dieting and therefore stop trying to change their body is that they will "let themselves go". 

I'm sure you can picture what "letting yourself go" means. 

You'll only want to eat "junk" food. And you'll be eating large amounts of it. 

You will gain weight and won't fit into the clothes in your closet. 

You won't be active or work out. 

You may also worry what other people will think of you when you're not dieting. 

What will they say when you swap out a salad for a sandwich? 

Or if instead of buying low sugar or low calorie foods, you start enjoying the foods you love because they taste better to you. 

Will they think you don't care about your health? Will they express their concern to you? 

Diet culture is pretty masterful at convincing us that if we are not with them, we are against them. 

Which means if we aren't dieting, we must be not caring about our health or bodies. 

Of course this isn't true. If you've been dieting for a long time, you're familiar with two gears; on a diet and off a diet. 

Diet culture tells us that "off a diet" is letting yourself go. 

It's important to remember that if you weren't dieting in the first place, there would be no reason to go off a diet. Being "off a diet" is only the reaction you have (and often the healthiest reaction) to food restriction. 

When you're not restricting food, you get to tune into your body without food rules. 

The truth is that when you stop dieting you're claiming a third gear; nourishing your body and exploring what it feels like to feel satisfied around food. 

This is the opposite of letting yourself go. This is caring for yourself and your body deeply. This is self-care at its finest. 

What It’s Like to Work With Me? A Client Interview with Michelle

Hiring a coach is a big commitment. I wanted to offer you some input from my clients so you can hear from them what it’s like to work with me.

I interviewed Michelle, a client that I’m working with around intuitive eating and body image, and asked her a few questions. With her permission, I transcribed our conversation and I’m sharing it here.

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Tara: 

Why did you want to work with me?

Michelle:   

I saw your posts on Instagram and I just immediately connected to the struggle and the positive messages that I saw. And then I started listening to your podcast. And I loved it. I called (and we talked). It was exactly the kind of help I was looking for. I just deeply connected with your message.

Tara:  

What were some of your biggest concerns about working with me before we started?

Michelle:

I was so fried and burnt out over all the dieting experiences that I said “it's not a diet, it's a food plan” conversation. I hoped that there was a solution in this that didn't involve language that really was a diet but doesn't use the word diet. And I have never, ever heard about intuitive eating.

All of your information was not part of something I've ever run into. So my reservation, my hesitation was, I hope this isn't another one of those, you know? And it wasn't. It's exactly what I was looking for. Exactly.

I very much like the integration of the energy work that we do, along with the (coaching) conversations because I craved exactly what we're doing for a long time. I just didn't know how to find that person.

Tara:  

Yeah, it seems like what we're doing here just fits so beautifully for you. I love that.

What has been your favorite part of doing this work?

Michelle:

I really needed to heal over trauma. I knew that I needed to work on it. But I don't think I understood the connection between food, my behaviors, my thinking, and my experiences with trauma and, and I saw it as two different things that needed to be worked on. 

My favorite thing is that I'm getting at layers that I couldn't access. I just could never access it before working with you. I knew then they were there. I knew that they hurt. And honestly, I think that your advice, your thoughts, where you lead me is just brilliant. I had no idea about these connections. You're just helping me to link all of this. You know, just to peel it back and work on it. 

As hard as it is to work on this kind of stuff, I’m always (I know, it sounds crazy) looking forward to meeting with you. Because I feel like there's answers. It's not just visiting these triggers or visiting these moments. There's answers. So (our work together) doesn't leave me feeling like I'm hanging out there with this (hard stuff).

Tara: 

What has been the biggest transformation that you've gotten so far?

Michelle: 

The biggest transformation is around my body image. When I get dressed, I think about being comfortable and feeling confident. I don't want to say I've let go of all of my obsessive negative thinking about myself and my body image. I have moments where it comes back and it comes hard. But I've opened up a lot more, and I'm a lot more kind to myself. I'm not swinging between the extremes. I'm just more in the middle (and feel more neutral about my body). 

I'm not focused on a number and forcing that number to fit anymore. I'm not focusing on that. I'm focusing on comfort. I've actually started having thoughts like, “If this is not comfortable, you should get a pair of pants that are comfortable.” I’m not really even thinking about the numbers, which is a huge change for me. Huge.

Tara:  

Thanks for sharing that. That's awesome. What surprised you the most about working with me?

Michelle:  

Well, other than the fact that I couldn't actually believe that I connected with you. And not just to people that work for you. Once I got over that, I think that I'm actually really surprised at how related past trauma is to my food behaviors. I think that was like one of the biggest aha moments.   

It's amazing what it's been like to find (you) the right person at the right time. I really get a lot out of our session. I'm telling you a lot during our time together. And I use it (your tools and strategies). They are  incredibly helpful to me. I can't believe how much I've grown in such a short time. 

I've learned how to just notice more. And not be as checked out. 

Tara:

That's awesome to hear.  And you've done the hard work.  Who would you recommend me to?

Michelle:  

I think anyone who's sick and tired of running on this little hamster wheel, trying to fix things and going back and forth and yo-yoing up and down (with dieting). Those struggling with understanding their thinking about food and where it's coming from. I think people who really want to change and feel ready for change. That's the perfect person. 

I think you could help like anybody, because I hear people talking who don't necessarily have food issues, but talk diet speak all the time. I feel like everybody could really benefit from undoing some of their beliefs and learn what I have from you. 

Tara: 

Thank you so much.  It’s really nice to hear all of those things and hear that you are noticing the impact our work together is having on you. 

Michelle: 

The freedom I've gotten from talking and making connections (around food and body image) and the effect that it has on me as I move forward has been so powerful. I'm incredibly grateful to you.

Tara:  

I'm grateful to work with you too!  It's really been a pleasure.

5 Reasons Community Is Critical To Your Intuitive Eating Journey

I'm gathering a small group of 10 or so women in a safe space for learning, sharing, and connecting along their intuitive eating and body neutrality journey called Community Circle.

I currently have space for 5 more women. If you're interested, please let me know by emailing me back. If there isn't room in this Community Circle session, I'll be sure to add your name to a waiting list for the next one. 

Community Circle begins on Monday, September 26th and runs for 12 weeks. See more details below. 

I've had a few requests for a group support program and I'm thrilled to be offering this! 

Clients on their journey to feel more peaceful around food and their bodies know how challenging it can be. There may be dozens of food rules to unlearn and new signals and sensations to tune into. Along the way, there can be lots of ups and downs and twists and turns. 

This is why it’s important to connect with other women who are on a similar journey. 

Here are 5 reasons. 

1. You won't feel so alone. 

When I was bingeing and overeating, I convinced myself I was the only person that was so out of control around food. Believing this only made me feel worse and made me want to hide. 

But when I started to hear other people's stories about food, I realized I wasn't a complete freak. I could entertain the idea that some of my overeating patterns may not be as bad as I made them out to be. 

This is the power of not feeling so alone and being part of a community. When you feel safe to share your stories and hear other's, what you once thought was a big deal may not feel so awful or heavy.

2. You may share experiences you've never shared before.  

Your relationship with food and your body has taken a lot of time and energy and you've given it a lot of thought. So many people have been bullied about their body size. They've had parents control what they eat or how often they exercise. They've comforted themselves with food when they didn't know how to console themselves. 

When you share what life has been like for you, you have an opportunity for others to witness you. In some situations, you may be negotiating with yourself by saying, “this wasn't that bad”, “this was just normal”, “this happened all the time and no one around me said it was unusual”. 

But it is and it was. And when you share it, you're giving yourself an opportunity to validate the impact it has had on you.

3. When you hear other people's stories, you feel connected to something bigger than yourself. 

Painful patterns with food and your body can make your world feel small. It's common to be completely absorbed in your own experience, while you work hard to try to fix it. 

Offering your attention and grace to someone who is also struggling gives you perspective and allows you to see how helpful you can be to others. You can start to appreciate your own value and contribution. 

4. It's comforting. 

There is no better way to describe being part of a community that has your back, welcomes you, lights up when they see your face and appreciates your voice. Considering how isolating your relationship with food has been, this can feel incredibly healing. 

5. When everyone around you is dieting, it's nice to practice a common sense approach with others. 

A lot of people who have been pursuing weight loss are running in circles with others that are doing the same thing. If this is you, it may be hard to stop dieting and watch and listen to people around you that still are dieting. 

When you can at least come together with a small group of women that are in the same boat you are, you can gain strength from them knowing that you are disconnecting from diet culture together. 

During this 12 week program, we will be meeting every other Wednesday at 5pm EST for a Connection Call. We will also be meeting every other Monday at 12pm EST for a 15 minute Check In. The cost is $450, made in 3 $150 monthly payments. Learn more here.

What’s Really Driving Your Food Struggles… Body Shame

When I was really struggling with food, I knew my struggles weren’t about food. I knew this deep inside of me, but I didn’t have words to describe it. 

And my inner knowing didn’t stop me from making it about food.  I would still try to cut back on sugar, or take gluten out of my diet (with no diagnosed gluten sensitivity), or stop eating certain kinds of foods like nightshades or yogurt or coffee. :(. 

I can see now that diet culture offers us so many solutions that are ALL about food. This is how weight loss companies and coaches make their money. 

But there is something that happens when we try to solve a challenge by just addressing the symptom. 

If you are like me, you know the symptom was feeling out of control around certain foods. Worrying that you’d overeat trigger foods. And even believing you have a food addiction. 

When you consider these symptoms, it’s easier to look at a food with sugar and believe that if you could get rid of sugar then all of your food struggles would go away. 

Trying to take sugar out of my diet only made me fight with sugar more. And therefore fight with myself. Making it about sugar only distracted me from what was really going on. But it also reaffirmed my problem as a real problem. Essentially, it kept the struggle in place. 

If you’ve been struggling with food and making it about food, it’s time for a step back. 

You can’t diet your way through your food struggles. 

You can’t restrict your way to feeling more in control around food. 

The part of me that made it about food was the part of me that wanted to keep my weight down. I was hoping that If I could eat the right foods, I wouldn’t gain weight. 

Which is why getting to the root of the struggle is so important. It’s not about food, it’s about body shame. 

We’ve been driven to dieting to fix our bodies. We’ve been told there is something wrong with our bodies and then we internalized body shame. No one has to tell you that your body is wrong or bad, that belief system lives inside of you. You tell yourself that all of the time. 

If you didn’t need to fix your body, you wouldn’t need to diet. If you didn’t need to diet, you wouldn’t need to struggle with food. 

Body shame is at the root of food struggles. 

I guide my clients to understand how their body image and patterns with food work together. If you’d like to explore more support around this, book a Clarity Call with me here. https://bookme.name/tarawhitney/lite/clarity-call

What it's Like To Work With Me: A Client Interview with Grace

Hiring a coach is a big commitment. I wanted to offer you some input from my clients so you can hear from them what it’s like to work with me.

I interviewed Grace, a client that I’m working with around intuitive eating and body image, and asked her a few questions. With her permission, I transcribed our conversation and I’m sharing it here.

TW:  

What was it that made you want to work with me?

Grace: 

Our college connection and that history. I feel like you're very gentle in your understanding of where I'm coming from and you get me. Even today, you brought me back in a gentle way to seeing the bigger picture. So, yeah. I guess your personality.

TW:

Did you have any concerns or worries about working with me before we started?

Grace:

Going into anything coming from a diet background, you worry about how it was going to line up with that with what the work I'm doing with my naturopath.  Wondering what the restrictions were going to be or what I was going to have to do. Also not really understanding intuitive eating, and wondering what are the rules going to be? Not understanding that there really aren't rules, that's the whole point of it.

TW:

Do you have a favorite part of doing this work?

Grace:

I like the check-ins with you. Even today you just really brought me back. I've been ruminating and worrying and you're able to recenter me so I can go off for another couple of weeks and do this work with a clear mind.  You know how to work through the issues, whatever issues there are.  Every week, it's been different. The personal interaction is great. That's important.

TW

What’s the biggest transformation you've had so far working together?

Grace: 

My freedom. The freedom to not be obsessed with food every waking moment and wondering what I'm going to eat next. Or worrying because I ate that, and I can't eat this. I can’t articulate enough how much freedom I have and how my mind is not stressed. (Before we started working together), I literally was focusing on food all the time. And now I have time to focus on other things in my life. I'm also thinking and feeling encouragement to get back into movement and your suggestions about different ways to do that. I have found that helpful, too. The freedom is overwhelmingly the biggest benefit that I've seen. 

TW: 

Has anything surprised you about working with me?

Grace:  

Everything (we’ve been working on) goes against everything I've ever been taught. The biggest thing was you explaining to me that my body was in deprivation mode and then actually seeing that come to fruition. (Before this work), I literally was craving chocolate chips and could not live without them. And then that went away. There’s some residual mental stuff I still need to work on but the physical stuff went away once I balanced what was going into my body.

TW:  

Is there anyone you would recommend me to? 

Grace:

People going through the whole menopause situation, (what it does to your body and thus to the weight of your body) and trying to fight that. (You can help) people understand that and have freedom to go through this natural process without worrying about the weight piece of it. That would be so awesome for people to know. 

I also think a lot about how I can get you to talk to my girl scouts troop or to my daughter or to kids. Because if they have this knowledge at the beginning of their journey before the world starts bombarding them,  what a gift that is. It's a delicate thing to talk to girls in their teenage years about their bodies and about what they're putting into it. It has to be handled very carefully. But I think that would be a gift.

I Trust Your Hunger. Do You Trust Your Hunger?

If you’re like my clients, hunger is something to neglect, push away and ignore. Back in my days of dieting, I would chew stick after stick of Carefree Sugarless Bubble Gum when I was hungry. :( 

You may need to justify being hungry. 

If you’re hungry a few hours after eating a meal, you may say “I shouldn’t be hungry right now, I just ate.” 

You may be afraid that once you start eating you’ll have a hard time stopping. Hunger may be a warning sign that danger is near. 

But I trust your hunger. I trust it because I know that diets and diet culture have only conditioned you to believe that your hunger is a problem. 

When you’ve been restricting food, of course you’re going to want to eat more. Diet culture tells you overeating is wrong and a mistake, when in fact, it’s just your body restoring balance and energy. 

Diet culture tells you to ignore your cravings (eating an apple, not a piece of chocolate). But dieting only increases your cravings for “forbidden” foods. 

It’s bigger than this, my friend. 

When you can’t trust your hunger, how can you trust your body? 

Ignoring our hunger is just another way of ignoring our needs. It’s just another way of neglecting ourselves and telling ourselves that what we need doesn’t matter. 

Does this mean we don’t matter? Hmm. 

If you don’t trust your body, how can you trust your voice? Your beliefs and opinions? 

If you don’t trust your body or yourself, can you trust my hunger? 

Can you trust my needs?  Can you trust me? 

If you don’t see your needs as worthwhile, do you see my needs as worthwhile? 

Diet culture is MUCH more damaging than just encouraging us to drink ice coffee or extra water when we are hungry. 

It’s taught us to not trust ourselves or other dieters. It’s taught us that women’s needs don’t matter. That women’s voices, minds, and body’s don’t matter. If our hunger mattered then we would be fuckin’ celebrating it. Not neglecting it. 

Our Culture is Disordered

Jenna Hollenstein dropped this massive truth bomb when we caught up earlier this week and I've been stewing on it ever since. 

When living in a disordered culture, people adapt to that disorder. 

Here are just a few ways our culture is disordered around food and body weight. 

You go to Crossfit and the owners are promoting a diet where you don't eat food until 11am. They also sell supplements to help you "not be hungry".  That's disordered. 

The company you work for brings in Weight Watchers to encourage their employees to lose weight. Weight Watchers is a diet, diets have a 5% efficacy rate. By joining Weight Watchers you are increasing your likelihood of long term weight GAIN. That's disordered. 

You watch your favorite show on TV and notice the constant thread of diet commercials. Each commercial lies and tells you this isn't a "diet", it's a lifestyle and everyone can do it. That's disordered. 

When you were in elementary school, the school nurse weighed you and spoke your weight out loud for everyone to hear. That's disordered. 

Family members comment on your weight and tell you they just want to motivate you to be healthy. That's disordered. 

While eating out, calories are listed on each menu item. There is no research available to suggest listing calories changes people's behavior. Regardless. That’s disordered. 

You join a large group of friends and acquaintances out to eat and a few of them talk openly about their latest diet. While they are at it, they comment in a demeaning way on the size of a stranger's body. This all seems normal and familiar. That's disordered. 

You talk to a health coach and they tell you that a certain food group is causing your chronic illness. They unload massive amounts of reasons why, but don't have any valid research to back up their claim. It's hard to un hear this. That's disordered. 

It's all disordered. And we are all trying to just survive in this disorder. You may even try to do “disordered” better, like move from diet to diet, eliminate more food groups from your diet, and stay fixated on your body weight. 

Without seeing the disorder, it's understandable why we are trying to fit ourselves into the disordered culture. But instead of trying to fit into the disorder, we need to see, name and disconnect with the disorder around us. 

What It's Like To Work With Me: A Client Interview with Barbara

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Hiring a coach is a big commitment. I wanted to offer you some input from my clients so you can hear from them what it’s like to work with me.

I interviewed Barbara, a client that I’m working with around intuitive eating and body image, and asked her a few questions. With her permission, I transcribed our conversation and I’m sharing it here.

Tara: 

Why did you want to work with me? What about me drew you? 

Barbara: 

I first started listening to your podcast. And I liked your gentle approach in interviewing guests and talking with people and presenting information. And I felt like it would be a good fit for me too. 

When we got on a call, I just felt very connected to you. You just have this air of gentleness, but non judgmental and ease about talking to you. And I just felt like I could really open up to you.  

Tara: 

Thank you for that. Did you have any concerns or worries about working with me before we started? 

Barbara: 

I wasn't really sure about how this would go. And to be honest, food and body and diet is so shame filled for me that I was pretty worried about it being too vulnerable or too, just too much. While it has been meaningful and moving, I've never felt like it's been too much. 

You're definitely meeting me right where I am and helping me think differently, but not pushing so much that I'm uncomfortable, in a bad way. It’s like being uncomfortable in a good way to make a change. I don't feel uncomfortable, or pushed, I feel guided and coached.

Tara: 

I'm so glad. Do you have a favorite part of this work?

Barbara:  

I really enjoy hearing your perspective. You'll come in with like, “this is what has worked for me” or “when I started this is how I started thinking, but now I'm thinking differently”. I like knowing I'm not alone in any of this. And with you having experience here. I just feel heard. 

Tara: 

What would you say the biggest transformation is that you've gotten so far?

Barbara:   

It's the realization that diet culture is everywhere. And diet culture is more than diet culture, it influences my perfectionism traits, and how I want to be a people pleaser, and  be well liked. All of those kinds of things. I'm seeing that it all really stems from food and diet and diet culture and the messages that I received from my family or from the media throughout my life.

Being able to just recognize it and notice it without unconsciously devouring it like I was before. Before it was just part of my life. And now I can look at it and go, “Oh, that's what that is. I get it, I can opt out of it.” 

Tara:

Love that. Was there anything that surprised you about working with me?

Barbara:   

This isn't a surprise, but I really wanted it to be a switch that I could flip and all of a sudden be that intuitive eater. Our early conversations about distinguishing hunger surprised me that it was so hard for me or that I was so broken from that part of my body. It's not a good or bad surprise, but I was “Oh, I'm really disconnected.”  And you know, that's been good for me to know that..

Tara: 

Who would you recommend me to?

Barbara: 

I would recommend you to anyone who has any sort of food issues, eating issues, diet issues, or body image issues. As a way to examine how those thoughts got there in the first place and ways to dismantle them. So they can live a freer and easier existence. 

Tara: 

That's perfect. Barbara, thank you so much. I appreciate that. 

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If you’d like to explore working me, schedule a clarity call with me using this calendar link.

If You’re Dieting and Trying To Lose Weight, You’re Wasting Precious Time and Energy

And your sanity. 

You're counting calories or macros. You're trying to eliminate a certain food group for weight loss. You're trying to follow a set of diet rules and ignore your hunger. You're using exercise to burn calories. 

Here's what you’re wasting time doing: 

1. worrying about what you eat. 

2. trying to avoid certain foods or food groups. 

4. finding the next diet you hope will finally work. 

5. counting and logging.

6. planning your meals and snacks so you can stay on track.

7. spending way more time than enjoyable working out.

8. stepping on the scale.

9. doing what it takes to avoid hunger (chewing gum, drinking tons of water, eating air food like low calorie popcorn).

10. Holding onto clothing that doesn’t fit for motivation.

You’re likely: 

• feeling like a failure

• wondering what wrong with you

• frustrated and exhausted

• ashamed of your body

• wondering if you're addicted to carbs and sugar
  

Remember; dieting and intentional weight loss only leads to long term weight gain. The question you can ask yourself before you diet is; how much time do want to waste and how much weight do you want to gain

Is this getting you the results you’re looking for? Are you feeling healthier? 

I have a ton of compassion if you are in this place. I've been there. I know you believe you're doing the right thing. I know diet culture has told you the weight solution is out there if you just wanted it enough (and worked hard enough at it). 

We can only focus our attention on one thing at a time. When you're focused on these things, you miss the opportunity to engage in what's in front of you. 

Your time is very precious. No one’s future is not guaranteed. Hug your loved ones. The greatest gift you can offer the world is your full engaged presence. 

Proving Is to Perfectionism As Dieting Is to Thinness

All humans want to belong and feel worthy of connection. 

Diet culture tells us that thin bodies are healthier, more attractive, successful and lovable. 

The cultural narrative from the patriarchy is that women need to do it all and have it all under control. 

Feeling worthy of belonging isn’t something we need to earn. However, we’ve been told we need to be thin and perfect to feel successful, worthy and lovable. 

I call this the Promise of the Thin and Perfect. 

The Promise of the Thin and Perfect has been in place for generations. We were born into it. So were our parents. And grandparents. We haven’t known any other way to feel good about ourselves except to pursue thinness (or maintain it) and perfectionism. 

The assumption is something is wrong. 

Your body is wrong if it’s not thin enough. 

You’re wrong unless you show the world you have your shit together. 

Dieting and proving are ways to fix. 

Dieting is a way we try to fix our bodies. When restricting food and increasing exercise, we hope for a thin body. 

Proving is a way of showing those around us (and even ourselves) that we are enough. 

We've been given a harmful solution. 

Dieting leads to long term weight gain, reduces metabolism, and makes dieters more susceptible to eating disorders. 

Dieting also makes dieters feel like a failure, robs them of time and energy and distracts them from what's more important in their life. 

Proving is fuckin' exhausting. When proving, you can never do enough. As a result, you rarely carve out time to care for yourself or tune into your needs. Proving leads to burn out. 

When proving, you will only feel good about yourself when others validate you. 

Dieting and proving only offer faux safety and faux control. 

If dieting and proving were a valid solution, you would reliably feel peaceful, connected and satisfied. 

Instead, you likely feel like you’re on a gerbil wheel and can’t get off. 

Because diet culture tells you dieting works and you’re encouraged to show the world the put together version of yourself, you likely feel trapped. 

You keep trying to diet better and prove harder. 

We’ve been duped. The Promise of the Thin and Perfect has always been broken. 

It was NEVER designed to make you feel worthy and successful. It was only designed to leave you distracted, feeling like a failure and most importantly, disconnected from your body. 

Dieting is a way of proving. Thinness is a form of perfectionism. 

They are cut from the same cloth. 

You can only feel peaceful and connected, attractive, and worthy when you're connected to your body. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. This is what my second book is about! Does it land for you? 

5 Reasons You're Always Thinking About Food

When I ask clients how often they think about food,  they answer “all the time”. 

I know how exhausting that is. Years ago, my first thought in the morning was “how can i be good (with food) today?”. I’d design my whole day around the goal of eating the right foods and avoiding the wrong ones. I put so much effort into doing everything I could to not eat too much. 

Inevitably, when I put my head on the pillow at night, I’d think, “how can tomorrow be different?”. 

I’d wake up the next morning with the same goals, the same thoughts and the same food obsessions. 

If you can relate, you likely believe that thinking about food all of the time is a sacrifice you need to make. This is the mentality we all have when we’re working toward our goals. When you wanted to do well on an exam, you knew you needed to study. When you signed up for that road race, you knew you needed to train for weeks and months before. To get certain results, you need to put the effort in. 

As you consider the time you’re spending thinking about food, are you getting the results you’ve been hoping for? 

In my experience and those of my clients, obsessing about food just left us feeling like a failure. And feeling like we’re on a gerbil wheel that we can never get off of. 

This is why I want to share with you a few reasons why you’ve been obsessing about food so you can understand what is really happening. 

1. You're not eating enough. 

One of the ways our bodies are brilliant at sharing hunger signals with us is to partner with our brains. Some early signals can be when we start to think about food, ideas like… “do i still have leftovers from last night?” “Do we have eggs in the fridge?” When you're not eating enough, your brain is going to let you know that you need more food. This is your body’s way of ensuring you’re getting enough calories to be well nourished and in balance. 

When you’re not eating enough during the day, it’s common to overeat in the afternoon and evening. This is your body’s way of catching up to get enough nourishment during the day.

2. You’re trying to avoid certain foods. 

What happens when you tell someone they can’t have something? They want it even more. This is the natural human response when our brain is triggered by scarcity. If you’ve been trying to avoid sugar or carbs, for example, you’re essentially activating the part of your brain to desire those foods and seek them out. Which in turn means you’re spending even more time thinking about that food. 

3. You're feeling guilty about what and how much you're eating. 

Guilt has a way of staying with you long after you’ve eaten the “wrong” food. You may notice thoughts like “why did I eat that?”, “I shouldn’t have done that, I know better”. Guilt is uncomfortable and takes a lot of headspace. 

You may even notice that when you feel guilty about what you’ve eaten, you then spend even more time thinking about how you can “fix” the mistake you made with your food choice. The guilt just fuels the cycle of restriction and preoccupation with food.  

4. You keep trying to find the right diet. 

Diet culture tells us there is a weight loss solution if  we work it hard enough. So, it’s not surprising that 

you believe the right diet is out there and you just haven’t found it. 

It’s like you have an antennae up, ears piqued, eyes searching for that one “thing” that could finally work for you when it comes to weight loss. You may be spending time scrolling your social feed, browsing magazines in the grocery store line, or asking those folks who share their weight loss publicly- “what did you do?”. 

5. You believe you need to lose weight. 

It’s not your fault you believe this. Diet culture glorifies thin bodies and tells us that only thin bodies are attractive. 

When you’re judging your body, you find a lot of ways to criticize it. If your clothes aren’t fitting, this discomfort may take your attention like a pebble in your shoe would. You may be comparing your body to other people’s bodies. You may be so fearful of other people judging your body that you put a lot of time and energy trying to hide your body. 

These are a few reasons food is always on your mind. Now that you know, you have options. Dieting and food restriction will not lead you to feeling peaceful. It’s not worth the sacrifice of your precious headspace. 

Client Case Study: Passionate Entrepreneur Stops Dieting, Expands Her Business and Accepts Her Body

After spending a few years practicing Intuitive Eating on her own, Allison (not her real name) came to me because she noticed a few challenges that she couldn’t solve on her own. She was still doing some night time eating, even though she knew she wasn't hungry. She also came home from a recent vacation with her family and had a really hard time seeing pictures of herself. She wanted a better self-image of her body. 

Allison and I worked together for 12 sessions. Here are some of the tools and guidance I offered her. 

Tuning into Needs

Allison is incredibly focused and loves working hard in the business she’s so passionate about. Yet, she was putting her families and clients needs ahead of her own. Most days, she would choose to work without a break for lunch. At the end of the day, she felt depleted, exhausted and resentful. As Allison started to recognize her need for space and rest, she found it easier to make caring for herself a priority.  

Awareness of Hunger

One of the side effects of dieting is putting off and dismissing hunger signals. I shared with her what hunger signals to look for. As Allison increased her awareness around hunger, she realized that she was waiting too long to eat. As she started to eat when she felt pleasantly hungry, she started to enjoy her meals more. 

Letting Go of the Shoulds

Allison noticed she was carrying over some old food rules that had her feeling guilty. As she noticed them, named them and let them go, she gave herself permission to create her own habits and patterns around food that fit her life and schedule. 

Slowing Down to Connect

Allison noticed how her life felt like a sprint and she was always short on time. She started to use some grounding and breathing exercises that helped her slow down and tune into her body. She also gave herself permission to have more space in her days so she could enjoy time with her family and friends. 

Body Image Upgrade

By tuning into her self-talk, Allison realized that she was worried that she was gaining weight. This was a pattern of thinking she had since she was young. When she noticed it, she was able to challenge the belief and bring her thinking back to the present moment. Now, she no longer has this inaccurate thought plaguing her and she feels a lot lighter. 

Noticing Body Sensations

Using a few different techniques and approaches, Allison found a way to notice sensations in her body. This awakening has helped her tune into simple signals from the body like when she feels energized and passionate and when she feels depleted. She’s able to use this awareness around self-care, but also in her business and relationships. 

Favorite Mantra

“Where your focus goes, energy flows” really resonated with her because she acknowledged the choice that she always has to change and shift what she’s focused on. 

As we were winding down our time together, Allison shared that she saw some pictures of her and her family over the Easter holiday. Instead of the dread she felt from seeing the family vacation pictures a few shorts months ago, she felt neutral. She described it as saying to herself “Oh, that’s me.” And it barely impacted her. 

Now that she’s practicing embodiment and has a deeper practice of intuitive eating, Allison’s felt even more free around food and has been able to focus her energy on her family and her sleep consulting business. She’s been able to expand her business by hiring resources and outsourcing pieces that were exhausting her. She’s even given herself time on Fridays for downtime, hikes with friends and self-care. 

A Simple Solution to Nighttime Overeating

You want to stop eating at night, but know this first

My client Lauren (not her real name) comes home from work starving, feeling like dinner can’t come soon enough. After dinner, she just keeps eating. She hates that she doesn’t taste the food she’s eating. After a long and busy day, this was the time for her to finally relax. And she was just numbing out with food (her words, not mine). 

At the end of the night, Lauren feels really guilty for overeating. One of the common reactions people have when they feel guilty about what they’ve eaten is to make a plan to do better next time. 

The plan can include things like: 

Tomorrow, I’ll work out (harder, longer).  

I’m going to drink more water. 

I’ll skip breakfast and not eat until noon. 

I’ll avoid all carbs. 

But here is what’s really happening. As Lauren and I reviewed what she was eating on a typical day, she shared that even though she ate breakfast, she was eating a light lunch with no carbohydrates. She only had a small piece of fruit before her dinner around 7 pm. 

If you’re eating like Lauren is, you’re not giving your body enough nourishment during the day. 

When dinner time comes, your body demands that you make up for the deficit. That’s why nighttime eating feels so urgent, like someone or something has taken over your body. In some ways, that’s exactly what’s happening. Your hunger is beyond comfortable. This is why it’s hard to pay attention to what you’re eating and how your food tastes. Another factor is that at the end of the day, you’re tired and no longer have the busyness of your day to distract you from hunger. As you wind down, you don’t have the energy to fight off the hunger signals any longer. And, as you slow down and start to wind down, you start to notice the sensations in your body with more acuteness. 

Without realizing it, nighttime overeating can be a painful cycle. You’re trying to be good during the day and eating the “right” foods. Or, you’re not taking the time to eat enough. As a result, at dinner time, you have to eat more. The guilt and even shame you feel for overeating may drive you to restrict what you’re eating the next day. Come dinner time, you’re back where you started. Overeating at night. 

There is a simple solution to break this cycle. Eat 75% of the nourishment you need before 5 pm. If you think about your day in terms of quarters, you need most of your nourishment before dinner time. Here are some ideas: 

As you consider each meal and snack, try including protein and carbohydrates. Despite the latest diet craze that demonizes carbs, we need carbohydrates to properly fuel our bodies. 

Eat breakfast. 

Eat lunch. 

Add in a mid-morning snack and a mid-afternoon snack. 

If this is a big change for you, take your time. Make small changes over time. Or, if you feel uncertain or a bit nervous about making this change, experiment for 5 days and see how it goes for you.

If eating the majority of your calories before 5pm feels impossible, let me offer you another option. Forgive yourself for night time eating. It’s not the end of the world that you’re overeating at night. Honor your body for knowing how to stay in balance. And don’t beat yourself up when you do it. 

Earning vs. Deserving

the mindset shift that will heal your relationship with food and your body

My high school softball coach had a sign in her office; “The harder you work, the luckier you get.” These words became my mantra. And then I made them true.  In all areas of my life but one. When I worked hard, I was rewarded. I worked hard and got lucky on the field, at school and in the office. 

I tried for decades to apply this “work hard and good luck will come” mentality to my body and weight loss.  And diet culture agreed and cheered me on.  I believed I just needed more discipline to stay away from forbidden foods, better time management skills to prep meals for the week, and energy to exercise and work out to burn calories. 

Yet, it never worked for me. And it probably isn’t working for you either. Here’s why: 

Diet culture markets their products by telling us that a thinner body will make them feel confident and happy. We see pictures of people that have tried and “been successful” using their product in a slim body, nice clothes with an attractive friend or partner.  

We’ve been sold and told that the only way to be happy is to earn it by achieving a thin body. 

It’s okay to earn our accomplishments. But we don’t need to earn happiness, confidence and peace. 

Yet, what breaks my heart is the underlying belief I hear in my clients stories over and over again. They feel like they need to earn fundament things like: 

Rest

Nourishment

Peace

Ease

Relaxation

Contentment

Because we live in a culture that tells us that if our body isn’t acceptable, we need to:

1. Work hard to achieve one that is with sacrifice and hard work. 

2. Forgo basic needs until it is acceptable. 

When we need to earn our happiness because of our body size, we are just sacrificing the quality of our lives. Again and again. 

The only person that can give you what you desire is you. We don’t need to earn a happy life. 

What are you waiting for? When you retire? When you’ve finally lost those 10 lbs that you’ve been trying to lose for the past 15 years? When you have a perfect food day? When you’ve burned enough calories? 

The earning mentality has been instilled in us and we need to shift it to knowing we deserve care and respect. We deserve love. Simply because we exist. 

You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin no matter what. You deserve rest. You deserve to feel satiated. You deserve to enjoy the food you eat. You deserve to feel safe.

Why Diets Take Women’s Power Away... On Purpose

It doesn’t take an in depth history lesson to know that power has been intentionally withheld from women. Look at voting rights, property ownership and wage disparities, among just a few things. 

When it comes to the power that everyone can have within themselves, power is the ability to have autonomy over your own body and choices.

Attention has always been placed on women’s beauty and in the late 20th century, the thin body ideal was formed as a way of valuing thin women as feminine and attractive. Over time, the value system shifted to include health and success as other attributes to thinness.  

We’ve been sold and told that for a woman to be successful, attractive, and healthy, they need to be thin. 

Most women don’t even question this belief because it’s woven into the fabric of our culture. When a belief is formed and reinforced over and over, it’s very difficult to consider a different way of thinking. 

Diet culture is the force that reinforces this belief and then offers people a solution; diets. Diet culture is what fuels the $70 billion dollar weight loss industry that keeps growing and expanding. 

Diet culture convinces people that dieting and food restriction is an effective way to lose weight and be healthy. 

When in fact, dieting and food restriction has been well researched and regarded as being only effective at long term weight gain. 

But I think you know this. If diets were really effective, wouldn’t you have lost weight on the first one you went on, kept it off and never needed another one? 

And here is where the deception comes in. When folks diet, they… 

• Feel like a failure and blame themselves. 

• Spend countless hours a day obsessing about food and their body weight. 

• Change social plans if they’ve eaten the wrong thing or don’t feel good about their body. 

• Feel body shame and want to hide. 

• Are exhausted and depleted. 

• Become disconnected from their body which often leaves them feeling numb. 

• Lose trust in themselves and look for external validation (like the number on the scale) to feel good about themselves. 

If your body doesn’t conform to the thin body ideal, you’ve been told your body isn’t good enough. It’s not feminine, attractive or healthy. 

The social structure then tells you how to fix your body with diets, clean eating, restriction of food groups and trying to control what you eat. 

If you’ve been dieting to have a better body, you’ve been doing everything that our culture tells you to do. 

But our culture, diet culture and the system that takes away power from women (the patriarchy), has been giving you a solution that’s only harming you. And it’s done on purpose. 

When you’re exhausted, obsessing about food, and feeling like shit because you just stepped on the scale, are you able to… 

• feel happy, 

• engage fully in your life, 

• pursue your passions and dreams, 

• and trust in yourself and your own abilities? 

Of course not. And this is why dieting is a money making tool that takes away women’s choice and power. 

I Thought Self-Care Was Bullshit

Until this changed my mind

I used to hate the idea of self-care. I thought it was complete and utter bullshit. Bubble baths. Spa days. Pedicures. A big glass of red wine. When I talked to women about how they took care of themselves, the typical response was "I don't have time for that." They were waiting for the rare weekend they had a few moments without family or work responsibilities or the week-long beach vacation to check that self-care box off their to-do list. 

I also wondered why self-care was just marketed to women. Every other email I received from wellness publications and health coaches beat the self-care drum. Why didn’t my kids need self-care? Why wasn't my husband concerned about having enough time for himself? My skeptical brain saw self-care as another thing women could feel guilty about because they couldn’t fit into their busy schedules.

Self-care seemed like fluff that busy, working women had no time for. 

But yet, I know that everyone, regardless of gender or age, needs time for rest and play. Humans weren't put on this earth to be working machines. Downtime isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. I just couldn't get on board with how self-care was talked about and presented to me. 

My mind changed around self-care when I understood two things. 

Firstly, self-care isn't about what you do, but about prioritizing caring for yourself and seeing yourself as worth caring for. You’re worthy of proper health care and getting enough sleep, among many other things. 

A friend confided in me that she hadn't seen a dentist for over 5 years while she was raising her young children and working in corporate America. Boy, I get that. I'm sure her kids didn’t miss a check-up at their pediatricians and I'm sure her boss loved that she rarely missed a deadline. But, it took her a long while to sort out that having her teeth cleaned and caring for herself was a priority only she could make. Her husband wasn't booking that appointment for her. Her boss wasn't scooting her out the door at 2 pm on a Tuesday. She needed to do that herself. 

Secondly, self-care extends well beyond freshly painted toenails and tinted eyebrows. Both of those things make me feel better. But you know what supports me? Allowing myself to rest when I’m tired. Having regular conversations with my body and asking her what she needs at this moment. Sitting in stillness regularly and allowing new ideas to pop in. Trusting myself. Booking an appointment for my yearly skin scan with my dermatologist. Taking a long shower. 

Self-care isn’t about what it looks like, it’s about how it feels. 

Your relationship with food can be self-care. 

When clients come to me, they feel disconnected from their bodies when it comes to food and exercise. They’ve been on dozens of diets and are trying to eat the “right” thing. What's really happening is they are punishing their body and they're using food and exercise as weapons. 

Giving your body enough food is caring for your body. Choosing foods you enjoy is an act of love. Feeling satisfied after a meal is self-care. When you're caring for yourself, guilt and shame get replaced with self-compassion. 

If you’ve been avoiding or have been critical of the idea of self-care like I was, join me in a mind shift. Your relationship with food and exercise is an awesome place to start. 

Here are some of just a few ways you can bring in new self-care practices: 

• Stop weighing yourself. 

• Give yourself permission to eat a variety of foods. 

• Discover what types of movement you enjoy and feel good to you. 

• Notice when you feel tired and let yourself rest or nap. 

• Take a few moments every day to be outside. 

• Start to tune in to hunger signals. This article may help. 

• Create a morning routine. This article may help. 

• If you’ve been dieting regularly, become aware of the negative emotional and physical side effects. Learn more here. 

Self-care isn't a box to check off. Its transformational. Take it from this once skeptic.  

Has Your Relationship with Food Defined You?

Here is a question for you… 

Who do you get to be when you’re not struggling with food and your weight? 

Your mind may search for the time in your life when food and weight wasn’t a struggle. Were you in high school and filling up (and fueling up) on Doritos, Diet Coke and Ding Dongs without a second thought? Were you in middle school, happily eating from your Scooby Doo lunch box? 

This question may be a complete mind-bend for you, and I get why. You may not recall a time in your life when food wasn’t a struggle. 

Sitting with this may open the door just a crack to new possibilities. Imagine moving through your day when you're not worried about what you’re eating. Imagine not tracking calories eaten or burned on your phone or ever stepping on the scale again. Imagine how present you are with your loved ones when your mind isn’t so busy thinking about food. 

If you can, sit in the feeling for a few moments. Notice how your body responds to this different way of being. 

You may not know what it’s like to not struggle with food because of your past. But you can start to change how you think about yourself around food today so you can open up a new future.

Why Community, Unlearning and Mindfulness Are So Important on Your Intuitive Eating Journey

Note: I want to share why I’m offering my upcoming small Food Freedom Group Coaching program. This program will begin in the middle of April. You can find out more information here. 

I was always a secret dieter. My mind was always filled with ideas of how to lose weight, but I rarely shared those plans with friends or family. So when I overate, ate the wrong foods, or binged, I just assumed that I was the only one failing so miserably. 

Believing it was “just me” that couldn’t lose weight and keep it off was pretty crazy-making. I’d often reflect on what it was about me that was so wrong. Was it genetics? Was I not disciplined enough? Was it my childhood? Was I an addict? 

On one hand, assuming I was wrongly unique made me feel like nothing could fix me and my eating issues. On the other hand, I couldn't stop trying to find a solution. I didn't want to believe that I had to live with my eating struggles for the rest of my life. 

Juicing hadn’t worked, even though Kris Carr promised it would. Smoothie fasts didn’t work, even though wellness warriors told me I’d feel cleansed, clear, and energized. 

When I found Intuitive Eating, I didn’t share that with anyone either. Quite honestly, I didn’t realize the incredible gift I had stumbled upon at the time. But, since I was trying anything and everything to stop feeling so out of control around food, Intuitive Eating was the next obvious choice. 

I can only best describe my early intuitive eating journey as having one foot in and one foot out. Although I’ve never shared this with anyone, I even picked up a Keto diet book and started to follow the high protein low carb lifestyle while I was practicing intuitive eating. Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a home blood sugar monitor in my bathroom closet that I bought at the time to determine if I was In ketosis or not! That was a fun item to toss in the trash can. 

I know now that if I had hired someone that knew about intuitive eating to help me along, my journey to food freedom would likely have been smoother and quicker. But, I also know that if I had, I may not have picked up all of the other tools and insights like transformational principles, yoga, energy healing, and mindfulness that I needed to help me along the way. My process was perfect because it led me to where I am now. 

Which is why I can reflect back on my own journey and see what someone like you, who may be in the early stages of your food freedom journey, needs and could benefit from so you can move along your process with more grace and ease. 

One of the most important things I believe folks need is a sense of community. We're steeped in diet culture, where dieting, restricted eating, wellness = weight loss, and intermittent fasting is normalized. Intuitive eating is a non-diet approach that allows you to tune into the sensations of your body to eat to the lovely feeling of satisfaction. While you’re practicing intuitive eating, you’ll likely hear co-workers talk about their latest diet, you’ll see calories on menus when you go out to eat, and you’ll see weight loss before and after ads in your Instagram feed. It’s so important that you surround yourself with people that are on the same journey you're on. You’ll find strength and solace in a safe group setting. 

The other thing I think people need is space to practice and experiment in real-time. We live in a world with access to SO much information. If you have a question, you can find the answer within seconds on your phone. But, does information really move you to action? I often hear, "I know what to do, but I just can’t do it". You’re saturated with way too much information on food, nutrition, how to lose weight, and exercise. You need to unlearn what’s not helpful and take the time to practice. 

And lastly, when it comes to food and your body, you need more space. When I was struggling with food, I was moving a million miles an hour. I wasn’t paying attention to my body, how I was feeling and what I was eating. Most of what I was doing felt like I was checking a box on my to-do list. This is really common among my clients too. We all have busy lives. Yet, most folks aren’t prioritizing how they care for their bodies. All of their other responsibilities like family and work come before their own basic needs. 

In my upcoming Food Freedom Group Coaching program, I’m designing each of the 90-minute calls to include these three necessities; connecting with other people through sharing and supporting, real-time experiential practices, and mindfulness and grounding exercises. 

If this program is coming to you at the right time on your food freedom journey, I’d love for you to join me. I’m accepting a maximum of 8 people. We start on Tuesday, April 12th. The cost is $250 a month for three months. If you have any questions, feel free to email me at tara@tara-whitney.com. 

Mindful Eating Is So Much More than Chewing 50 Times

I’m hosting a free webinar called Mindful Eating: Bringing Peace and Presence to Your Relationship with Food on Thursday, March 10th at 12 pm EST. Here is why I’m so excited to be offering this. 

I first learned about mindful eating at a yoga retreat at Kripalu with Bryan Kest. There were a few hundred yogis packed into a large hall with a massively high ceiling. We all spread out on the floor, sitting on our mats and bolsters. 

Bryan shared his ideas about mindfulness and yoga and even advised us to chew our food 50 times before swallowing. 

At the time, Bryan’s advice came to me when trying to control my weight was a top priority. I had taken meat out of my diet. I tried eating a vegan diet. I was even dabbling in raw foods. I had studied Ayurveda and designed my diet around my doshas. I hadn’t tried mindful eating. In my mind, I wondered; could this be what I was doing wrong? Was I eating too much because I was eating too fast? 

There is no doubt, I started practicing mindful eating for weight loss. This is the common and popular marketing tactic clinicians and coaches use when they offer mindful eating classes. They imply that when you slow down while eating, you’ll eat less. 

While it definitely took me longer to eat my meals when I was following Bryan’s advice, I’m not sure if I ate less. I certainly paid a lot more attention to what I was eating. At times, I even got bored. Eating felt like work.  

Thanks to my early days of practicing mindful eating, I woke up a muscle of tuning into the experience of eating. Yes, I went to the extreme.  But after spending years eating lunch at my desk at work and snacking in my car, this extra attention served me well. 

If you’re considering practicing mindful eating, you may be wondering if it needs to have the laborious and painful beginnings that my practice did. Do you need to spend a weekend at a yoga retreat to learn how? Do you need to spend over 30 minutes at each meal? Does mindful eating require soooo much chewing? 

In my opinion, no. It doesn’t. 

I learned mindful eating with all the wrong intentions. I didn’t want to enjoy food more. I just wanted to eat less. I wasn’t looking for more richness and enjoyable taste. I was trying to make my body smaller. Now, my relationship with food and body has evolved so that I care for my body deeply, which includes the foods I choose and how I take the time to eat them all. 

Tuning in to your eating experience is much more than chewing. It starts way before you even sit down to eat. Mindful eating is a practice of tuning into your mind and body. 

This is why I’m excited to share with you my free to attend webinar called Mindful Eating: Bringing Peace and Presence to Your Relationship with Food on Thursday, March 10th at 12 pm EST. 

I want to share with you mindful eating while considering the principles of Intuitive Eating. This means you’ll be learning how to eat mindfully to create more joy and satisfaction in your experience of eating. 

If this speaks to you, I’d love for you to join me. We will be eating together on this call. Don’t worry. You can do this with your camera off. Here is the sign up link. 

5 Lies We Hear From Diet Culture (and the truth)

Lie #1- 

There is a diet out there that will help you lose weight, you just haven’t found it yet. 

Truth #1: 

There is no intentional way to permanently lose weight. Only 5% of diets result in long term weight loss. 

Lie #2: 

You could lose weight if you had more time and energy to dedicate to your diet. 

Truth #2: 

Diets only result in long term weight gain. This lie is one of the many ways diet culture blames dieters when diets fail. 

Lie #3: 

The sacrifice of your time and energy for weight loss is worth it. 

Truth #3: 

This is a way diet culture motivates you to continue dieting. Many dieters spend most of their waking hours thinking about food, time they can never get back. 

Lie #4: 

You’ll be happier when you're thin. 

Truth #4: 

Consider a time when you did lose weight. Were you happier? Were you relaxed? Did you feel at ease in your body? Most people share with me that when they’ve lost weight in the past, they still felt anxious and worried about their body weight. They didn’t feel happier.

Lie #5: 

If you haven’t lost weight and kept it off, you just don’t want it badly enough. 

Truth #5: 

You can’t succeed at something that’s designed for your inevitable failure. This is another way diet culture blames the dieter and coaxes them to find a new diet. 

If you’re just starting to learn about diet culture, hop over to Christy Harrison’s definition here- https://christyharrison.com/blog/what-is-diet-culture