People Pleasing or Doing Excellent Work?

This is why you have a hard time saying no and what to do about it. 

I started babysitting when I was 12. I would often clean up the kitchen before the parents got home, even if the mess wasn’t made on my watch. At the time, I liked making these parents happy. I also learned that if they were pleased, they would hire me again, tell their friends about me and ultimately,  I’d earn more money.  Win, win. Right? 

I hear countless women refer to themselves as "people pleasers". People pleasing, prioritizing the needs of others to please them, has been named as one of the obstacles women have when they are seeking professional success, personal contentment and sanity. 

For some women, the line between pleasing people and doing excellent work is blurry. For most women, there is no boundary between the two. 

Growing up, I was expected to help with laundry, dishes and starting dinner. As the daughter, I was there to help my mother with her responsibilities. You likely did the same. With this teaching, we learned to recognize, anticipate and take responsibility for the care of others. I watched my mother work as a nurse full-time, and still prioritize household responsibilities, doctor’s appointments, car pooling, birthday parties, and Christmas shopping (all of the typical maternal things). 

As women, we’ve grown up meeting the societal norms that have been set for us. It’s extremely difficult to go against these norms. We risk disappointing and even making those closest to us angry and upset. At a primal level, we risk getting thrown out of the tribe if we don’t play the role we are expected to. 

When we are prioritizing the needs of others, we aren’t just trying to please others. We are ensuring our own safety, security and satisfaction. I share that as a way of you having an appreciation for your people-pleasing tendencies. 

And, you may be doing too much people-pleasing. It may be overused. And I know you know if that’s the case. 

• You’re exhausted and feel depleted. 

• Because you’ve taught those around you that you will say yes to everything, more and more people come to you with their problems. This is no longer satisfying. You often feel overwhelmed and resentful. 

• You’re doing work that you know other people in your firm or company could be doing. 

• You take little time for your self-care; you sacrifice sleep, eating regular and consistent meals, time with loved ones, time to move your body and exercise, and playtime. Playtime? What’s that? (No, it’s not cleaning up your inbox.) 

• Saying no feels extremely uncomfortable. You may feel anxious or tense just thinking about turning someone away. 

If you grew up in a volatile household or are in one now, pleasing people may be how you keep the peace. You may be trying to keep things from blowing up so you and your loved ones feel safe. 

If you’re seeing your people-pleasing tendencies as an excuse or even a badge of honor, I’m inviting you to this different perspective. 

When you become aware of people-pleasing patterns, you can evaluate if they support your professional growth, health and sanity or if they don’t. 

When I work with clients, we work with experimenting and practicing a different way of approaching a situation. Saying no when you’ve only ever said yes may feel pretty confronting. Exploring a new way may be your best step forward. 

I work with ambitious women in finance and accounting to reach their next level of success on their terms. If you’d like to change your relationship with people-pleasing, let’s talk. 

You Can’t Ever Get Rid of That Negative Voice. Here’s Why.

Yesterday, a friend casually mentioned her negative self-talk to me as “the committee that wakes me up at 2 a.m. to tell me what I should and should not be doing”.

If there is one thing that's universal about the human experience, we all have negative thoughts. 

You've prepared for an important meeting and you're as ready as you'll ever be. As you take a seat around the conference table, your inner voice starts chatting. What if you forget the important points? What if someone asks you a question you don't have the answer to? Your negative inner monologue questions you and fills you with self-doubts. 

In my last post, I shared how important it is to pay attention to this inner voice. Simply notice it and be aware of it. As unpleasant as that may be. 

Now that you're aware of it, what's happening here? Why does that voice jump in during these crucial times when it's the last thing you need? 

You may be surprised to know that this voice has a very clear purpose. It may make you feel anxious and worried, but that’s not what it’s there for. 

Your negative self-talk wants to protect you. 

We have an internal mechanism that detects threats. When a threat is detected, our nervous system will react in a way to protect us. 

When you’re about to give your presentation, a part of you may be anticipating that the folks in the room are judging or criticizing you. Or when you’re in a new situation that feels unfamiliar, a part of you feels uncertain and insecure about what will happen next. Your body detects these situations as a threat.  

We typically react to threats in a few ways by…

• Shutting down. You may feel numb and dulled. 

• Getting angry at others or yourself. 

• Trying to please or appease those around you. 

• Checking out mentally or emotionally. You distract yourself and focus on something else. 

These are ways we freeze, please, flee and fight. 

These reactions are unconscious and automatic responses happening inside your body. You can’t get rid of them. 

This is why noticing your inner committee is so important. You’re fighting yourself when you try to get rid of this voice. Instead of seeing your safety mechanism as a problem, you can see it in a new way. 

By partnering with this voice, you can better understand yourself and how you’re reacting in certain situations. I’ll be sharing strategies and tools to work with this negative voice. Stay tuned.

Is Your Mind Crowded with Negative Self-talk?

What’s going on inside of your head? 

Is it crowded with negative self-talk? 

❗️ I can't do this. 

❗️I need to try harder. 

❓ What’s wrong with me? 

⛔️ They can't see me (or my work). 

❗️They think I’m …. (dumb, wrong, an idiot, bad). 

We’ve all heard our fair share about positive thinking and all of its benefits. 

Before you even try to think positively, are you noticing the thoughts you’re having? 

There is a good chance you’re not. And even if you are, you may not feel how hurtful the words are.

There are a few reasons for this. 

1️⃣ These words are familiar to you because you’ve been speaking to yourself like this for a long time. 

2️⃣ You try not to dwell on these thoughts and work to move past them quickly. 

3️⃣ You try to be a positive person and don’t want to acknowledge that these thoughts fill your mind. 

There is a part of you that doesn’t like it when you speak to yourself so harshly. Rightfully so. 

But you can’t change something you don’t know is there. 

So first, I invite you to pay attention. Get curious. How do you speak to yourself? This isn’t meant to be an exercise for you to judge your thoughts. Just notice the conversations you’re having. It may be interesting to write them down. 

Over the next few posts, I’m going to offer you some insight into what your negative self-talk is all about, how it works, the purpose it serves, and most importantly, what to do about it (it’s not the advice you’ve already read). 

Resistant to Self-care? Ya. Me too.

I would roll my eyes at bubble baths and sleeping in past 6 am.  I dismissed it for years and on the surface, still do. Interestingly enough, I take better care of myself now than I ever did. Here is what shifted for me. 

Firstly, I’m a productivity junky. I love waking up in the morning knowing I’ve got some important things to tackle. I love the satisfaction of wrapping up a day knowing I’ve moved a project forward or been impactful for my clients. 

Being busy and accomplished has offered me a way to feel good about myself. I think this is at the heart of most resistance around self-care for folks. Taking time for themselves may not fill their cup when they can spend the time on a project or meet a deadline that makes those around them happy. 

I recognize the potential trap. Our culture has taught us to value productivity and the “go-go” mentality. But when we only see ourselves as a working machine, we’ve lost sight of how we know how to value and know ourselves. The truth is that we don’t need to earn our value, we are worthy because we are here. But for many busy professionals, it’s easy to forget this. When we perform well, we get rewarded with a promotion, raise or landing new business that contributes to the growth of our company. 

Recognizing this polarity is important. A part of you that values busyness and productivity. The other part may not value downtime and time for rest. When you’re not producing, who are you? 

Your productivity may be the way you know yourself. 

I realized about 10 years ago that how I was working (I was running three separate businesses) wasn’t sustainable or healthy. I said yes to everything and didn’t honor or respect my basic needs of sleep or well-being. 

At the time, if you suggested self-care to me, I would have lost it. It’s like when someone says to you, “Take a deep breath.” That may be what you need, but you don’t want to be told to do it. 

This is why I’m not going to suggest self-care to you. 

Everything changed when I allowed myself to have needs. I realized that I wasn’t weak because I needed to care for myself. I started to value feeling relaxed and well-rested. I started to value being creative. I valued how my body felt when I took a few breaths of fresh air. I was also surprised that my productivity and creativity sky-rocketed when my basic needs were met. When I was depleted, I had little to offer my work. 

That’s when I took responsibility for my health and well-being. I took responsibility for my productivity. 

You’re the only one that can care for yourself. 

I came to realize that I was responsible for my needs. No one was going to jump in and know what I needed. I had to slow down, check in and prioritize myself. 

I’m not sure what the name of this is. Self-care is probably accurate, but along the way, it got a bad rap for being all about bubble baths and pedicures. 

So, resist self-care all you want. I’m with you. But please, take responsibility for your well-being. 

A Different Way To Think About Confidence

Are you hoping that raise or promotion will finally make you feel successful?

Are you hoping that when you hit that revenue target that you'll know your organization has finally "made it"?

Are you hoping that when you've lost that 20 lbs, you'll finally feel confident?

Many people have this "one" thing and believe that when they reach it, everything will change. Life will be magically transformed and all problems will go away.

More often than not, goals get reached and the person doesn't feel what they were hoping for.

They got the promotion or raise, but instead of celebrating, they said to themselves "what's next?".

They lost the weight and felt stressed, worried and unhappy.

This is because what we are focused isn't what we really desire. And external achievements or circumstances often don't impact our vital needs.

If you're looking for more confidence, success, safety and happiness, that doesn't come from what's happening around you. You need to generate yourself.

Advice If You Hate Having Your Picture Taken

Facebook and Instagram feeds are flooded with pictures of graduation, prom and other big milestones.  It’s a popular time of year for photos!

Getting your picture taken, even when among trusted loved ones, can feel incredibly stressful. 

To avoid the camera, you may: 

• Always hide in the back or outer side of a group picture. 

• Wear dark or oversized clothes to blend in. 

• Volunteer to take the picture. 

• Encourage your group to take headshot selfies. 

If this is you, you’re not alone. Having our picture taken, especially when we aren’t happy with how our bodies look, can feel risky. When you see the picture, you may immediately judge yourself and how you look. You naturally assume that people are judging you the same way you are. 

If you’re not happy with your appearance or your body, it makes sense that you’re avoiding the camera. It’s the safer thing to do. 

But this has a cost. 

You’re spending a good deal of time and energy on these avoidance strategies. Seeing a picture of yourself after the fact, one that you’re not happy with may leave you spinning and hating your body even more. 

One of my clients always avoided the camera when her kids were small. Now she regrets it. She looks back at family pictures and she’s not in them. She can’t recreate those memories, the time has passed. 

Another Way

Disliking having your picture taken is not the problem, it’s just a symptom or reaction you’re having because of the relationship you have with yourself, specifically, your body.  

Just like any relationship, it can change when you choose to heal it. This can take some time, intention and practice. 

You can make a simple and easy shift today by changing what you focus on. 

When you see a picture of yourself, you’re the observer of yourself. The observer is the part of you that judges, criticizes and compares by saying things like, “Uggh, look at those arms!”,  “How did you let yourself go?”,  “That dress does you no favors.” and “I’m the biggest person in the group”. No wonder having your picture taken feels painful. 

When you focus on the sensations of your body, you can be present and emotionally and mentally available. You can notice what it feels like to be proud of your child graduating or grateful to be with family members you haven’t been with in a while. For many people, this can feel grounded and peaceful. 

Your attention can’t be in two places at the same time. Move from the observer to the embodied. 

I also invite you to take a risk. If you’ve always been one to hide in the back, move toward the front or center of the group. Notice what it’s like to let yourself be seen. 

Be patient with yourself. This may take some time. But your efforts will be worth it. 

Life when the camera isn’t something to be afraid of.

After working together for a few months, a client shared what happened when she returned from a family vacation. She looked at each picture with neutrality. “Oh, that’s me.” No gasp, no fear, no dissecting certain body parts, just fact. There she was, on the edge of the Grand Canyon. And thankfully, her fond memories were captured in a picture. 

To Say No, You Have To Say Yes

Most folks I connect with have a full plate. Some have a “day” job and a few jobs they work in the evenings and weekends. On one hand, they’re filled with passion and enthusiasm because they’re engaged in so much meaningful work. On the other, they share how little control they have over their schedule and feel like their time isn’t their own.

Here is how you know this is you: 

• Does the idea of taking a weekend off from work, giving yourself a real lunch break, or not catching up on emails after dinner feel impossible? 

• Do you feel like you’re just trying to survive each week? 

Being so overloaded can feel like a trap. You’re good at managing everything on your plate. You know what it takes to be efficient, multi-task, and get the job done. 

But, how about those times when you say to yourself “I can’t take it anymore.”? When you want to quit and shed all of those obligations and responsibilities, but you know you can’t. 

You may be starting to recognize that sacrificing your sanity isn’t worth it. When you’re overwhelmed with too many responsibilities;  you may have a hard time winding down and relaxing, you have a hard time sleeping, you have little time to get outside and take a break, you feel anxious and get agitated easily, and you have little patience for the minor inconveniences that life inevitably throws at you. 

Yet, the truth is that while you’ve been saying yes to others, you’ve been saying no to yourself. When you tell your boss that you can get a deliverable to her by the end of the week or when you agreed to take on that non-profit work, you’ve given away the precious time you need for yourself (like getting more sleep, going for a walk or run, or working on an important personal project). 

Start by getting clear about how you want to spend your time. What do you value? What do you want to do to invest in your health and sanity? Who do you want to make time for? When you know what your non-negotiables are around your time, it’s easier to say “no” or “not now” when other demands are being placed on you. 

This will help you get control over your calendar. And instead of feeling like each week is a brutal running race you can barely survive, you’ll feel a sense of balance in how you’re spending your time because you’re putting yourself and what you value first. 

Five Struggles Women With Larger Bodies Face at Work

You may not be able to change weight bias, but you can change how you react to it

This article is the first in a series addressing the challenges that women with larger bodies and those with poor body image face in corporate America and what they can do about it. 

I’m choosing to use the terms “larger bodies” and “higher weight”. Even though “fat” can simply be a descriptor, like “short” or “tall, it’s widely used in our culture as an insult. I could use the term “fat” as a way of reclaiming its meaning as a simple descriptor. For this article, I’m choosing not to use the term “fat” because my body is average-sized. I buy clothes that fit me off the rack. I have not lived in a larger body and can’t share my experience of this. I’m sharing my observations from clients and from my own experience as someone who had poor body image in the past.

Body Size and Body Image

I won’t assume that every woman with a larger body has a poor body image. I also know that women with average or slim-sized bodies have poor body image. Although I’m sharing here the struggles women with larger bodies may face because of their size, some of these struggles may come from their body image. Therefore, you may have an average-sized body and feel confronted with these obstacles in the workplace. 

Meet Carol

In a recent market research interview, Carol (not her real name) shared her experience of her weight in the workplace. “When I first started here, I was at my thinnest and got attention from the owner of the company. He would stop by my desk, chat and ask me what I was working on. I had an injury during the pandemic shutdown and couldn’t work out. I’ve gained weight. Now, when I’m in the office, he barely notices me. I wonder if he doesn’t recognize me. Now that I think about it, when I look around the office, most of the consultants (that work with clients) that he hires are all thin.” 

Weight Bias

Carol’s experience with her boss at work may have everything to do with her weight, or there may be other factors involved. Yet, the research is clear. Weight bias in the workplace is significant, primarily because of the stereotypes employers have of higher-weight people. This qualitative review shows that people in larger bodies are assumed to be less motivated, conscientious, trusted, and reliable. They’re believed to be emotionally unstable, have lower interpersonal skills, and are less productive. As a result, people in larger bodies are at a higher risk of being discriminated against around hiring and promotion decisions. 

Women in larger bodies are trying to survive working in environments that may not value or respect them because of weight bias. It’s challenging to change and shift a company’s culture and individual belief systems. But you can be aware of how you’re reacting to this bias by being more aware of these inner obstacles. 

Here are five obstacles that you’re likely facing. 

#1: You feel invisible. 

This is how Carol felt. It may be subtle or overt. Not only do you feel like you’re not acknowledged when you walk in the room, but you also don’t get addressed or spoken to. You may feel paranoid around this, except you notice that when your counterpart who is in a smaller body gets more attention than you do. 

This may feel conflicting. You don’t like not being acknowledged or noticed. But you may also not feel safe to be visible because of your body. 

#2: Proving yourself is as important as ever. 

Some ambitious women with poor body image will do whatever it takes to prove themselves as competent and effective, as a way of ensuring their body size isn’t an obstacle. What’s wrong with that? you ask. 

Proving yourself is an exhaustive and never-ending endeavor. Women often sacrifice their health and sanity by putting in long hours at work and forgoing other activities in life that support their health and happiness. They aren’t just trying to do high-quality work, they are trying to show the world they’re worth because they see their body size as a problem. 

#3: You need to show co-workers and clients that you’re trying to lose weight. And you’re suspecting they assume you’re trying. 

While at a business lunch with a client, you don’t think twice about what you order to eat. Something light, like a salad with grilled chicken or soup. Or, you’ll make sure that you don’t eat the full meal, and ask the server for a take-out box. 

It’s stressful to feel other people watching what you eat. One client shared that avoids eating in the cafeteria and just snacks on a granola bar at her desk. She waits to eat when she’s in the privacy of her own home. 

#4: You may be preoccupied with your weight and food. 

We live in a culture where dieting is normal. Women with larger bodies are being told their body is a problem, and dieting is the most common “solution” given to them. Yet, dieting doesn’t lead to long-term weight loss. Instead, dieters are distracted, often feel guilty and ashamed, feel like a failure, and are consumed with how to lose weight. This takes a tremendous amount of time and energy, things that the ambitious woman in the workplace doesn’t have much to spare. 

#5: You hide. 

Many women with poor body image see their bodies as something wrong or bad. Hiding, which can include not showing up and being seen in public and covering up in dark or oversized clothes, is a tactic used to keep people from judging their bodies. If they aren’t seen, they won’t be looked up and down in disdain or receive comments about their weight. 

These struggles pose challenges to your own professional advancement, health, and happiness.  

How can you share your ideas, take risks, and ask for more responsibility and more exposure, if you’re hiding, preoccupied and feeling (and being) judged? 

Now that I’ve shared what these five struggles are, in my next article I’ll share how they impact you. 

Would you be willing to share your experience with your weight in the workplace?

Feeling Stuck Professionally? Changing Your Relationship with Your Body Will Propel You Forward

The massive relief I felt the morning after I was fired from my job was palpable. I was shocked by how differently I felt. I knew that the office politics, the post-merger tension, the budget cuts, and the bleak financial forecast were all wearing me down. But I had no idea it had a physical effect on me until I was free of it. 

It was as if the signals of my body were turned on, bright and blinding. I couldn’t look away if I tried. 

This was a pivotal moment for me. I was starting to tune into my body. 

I had spent decades fighting with my body, but that’s not what I called it at the time. I was dieting and trying to lose that post-pregnancy weight after having three kids. I was constantly running, biking, and working out. My size ten body just wasn’t slim enough. I saw myself as the “big girl” with big bones. In my mind, my body wasn’t good enough and I needed to make it better. 

What I didn’t realize at the time is that by fighting my body, I was disconnected from it. 

I know I’m not alone with this. A coaching colleague recently shared with me that he used to live his life from his neck up. This was his way of telling me that he was disconnected from his body too.  

We haven’t been taught to tune into our bodies. Are you angry? Let it go. Are you sad? Hide it. Are you not feeling well? Just keep going. Are you tired? Get a coffee.   

Over 90% of women are dissatisfied with their bodies. You don’t have to have a poor body image to be disconnected from your body. But if you are unhappy or even hate the body you have, you’re unlikely to want to respect it, and tune into it. Folks with poor body image spend their energy judging their body from the outside. They don’t know how to live inside of it. 

My clients share with me time and time again what it’s like to be disassociated and fight with their bodies. 

They skip lunch and then get so angry at themselves when they overeat after dinner. 

They get emotionally overwhelmed because of a disagreement they had with their boss and can’t find the focus to be productive the rest of the day. 

They beat themselves up for not finding time to work out, even though they’re a single mom with two tweens at home, work full-time and are overloaded with volunteer opportunities. 

For these folks, their body and their basic needs are dismissed and devalued. We’ve been taught to prioritize productivity and honoring our professional responsibilities over caring for ourselves. 

What price are you paying? 

Years ago, my body knew what it was like to feel that relief. I’m sure it also knew what it was like to feel the stress and burden I was experiencing in the years leading up to that point. But I didn’t notice or feel that. Instead, I just put my head down and tried to survive it. 

What signals from your body are you dismissing? 

Do you keep telling yourself that  “you can do this” but deep down, you know you’re completely exhausted and depleted? 

Are you feeling stuck and are just trying to survive life at work? 

It’s not just a price you're paying. There is an opportunity cost you’re missing.  When you start to tune into your needs, you’ll know how to manage stress, anxiety and any emotional ups and downs. Your body holds intuition and wisdom. When you tune into your body, you’ll be more creative and connected to your passion and purpose. Instead of fighting yourself, you’ll feel more in the flow because you’re aligned with yourself. 

Would you like to move forward professionally, but you’re not sure where to start? 

I work with ambitious women that are tired of the struggle with their body image and perfectionism and are ready to move to the next level professionally. If this is you, schedule a clarity call with me to explore how we can work together.

Getting Comfortable With the Discomfort of Owning Your Achievements

Years ago, my son Ryan's little league baseball team won his league's world series. This was a surprise because his team lost as many games as they won during the regular season. But during the playoffs, the team came together, each of them playing their best. 

After the championship game, while parents and players were screaming and cheering, I noticed his coach was barely celebrating at all. I was expecting him to be thrilled and beaming with pride, especially considering the odds he helped his team overcome. I heard him mumble something about next season in the post-game team huddle. 

Sadly, not owning and celebrating achievements is pretty common, especially among high-achieving women. It can feel uncomfortable to draw attention to themselves. There is an assumption that hard work should be noticed on its own, and bragging about it could diminish its quality and integrity. 

Achievements like earning a promotion or landing a speaking gig can often be minimized by assuming they come from luck or personal connections. When folks don’t take credit for these wins, they don’t acknowledge their own hard work and brilliance. 

It’s very common for women to automatically want to move on to the next thing. They close down a successful project and instead of taking the time to celebrate and own their success, they get energized and ready for the next project. 

Ready to own your achievements? 

Take the time to pause and sit in the initial discomfort of owning your success. Yes, you’ve been taught and trained to be humble and modest. But that conditioning isn’t helping you to achieve the success you’re yearning for. 

Acknowledging yourself and your contributions is a critical habit, especially if you’re feeling like you’re on a gerbil wheel, exhausted and overworked. By owning your achievements, you’re training your brain to collect evidence around the impact you’re having. 

I start each client coaching call by asking my client, what can we celebrate? If you have someone to confide in, let them know what you’re practicing and ask them to team up with you. If you don’t, journaling works too. Prompt yourself with  “I’m proud of myself that I …..”,  “I acknowledge myself for ….”, and  “I’m celebrating myself for …. .”  

This builds your self-awareness around your strengths and talents. When you start to notice not only what you accomplished but what it took for you to get there, you’re moving in the direction you want to go. 

As this becomes a habit, you’ll see opportunities to bring your accomplishments to the partners and senior leaders in your firm. This will raise your visibility and put you in the running for new opportunities. 

You can also model this practice with your team and co-workers so they can learn how to claim their achievements too. 

But most importantly, owning your achievements is a powerful practice of honoring yourself.

Running on Fumes? Can’t Step off the Gerbil Wheel?

My clients are exceptionally efficient. Take Julie for example. She’s only been in her role for 2 years and she’s already taking on director-level responsibilities. She does her job and then some. She has no problem stepping up and challenging herself professionally. 

Yet, by the end of each work week, Julie’s completely fried. She’s so depleted that she doesn’t have the energy to do those things that are important to her. She’s often too tired to sleep. Her body is exhausted, but her mind won’t rest. 

Like Julie, you have too much to do and not enough time to do it all. And you’ve gotten good at getting shit done. You know how to multitask. You’re exceptional at managing projects and making sure you hit each deadline. 

My clients realize they’re working at an unsustainable pace. But they don’t know how to step off of the proverbial gerbil wheel. If this is you, I want to let you know what’s really going on here and give you one thing you can do right away. 

Ambitious women have been required to prove themselves. We’ve learned this from a young age. Remember the pressure you felt to do well in high school to get into the right college? And then in college, you had to make the Dean’s list. Your high achievements have been swiftly acknowledged. You’ve climbed the ladder. Received promotions and raises. 

Working hard, going above and beyond, and trying to do the “right” thing has gotten you far. But it’s not going to get you any further when you’re trying to prove that you’re perfect. When women try to be perfect or meet a standard they believe they need to be, they will sacrifice their own time, health, and sanity to reach it. 

Julie’s doing whatever it takes to prove herself. You likely are too. And when it comes to trying to be perfect, there is NEVER a time or accomplishment that allows you to feel like you are perfect. The finish line keeps moving. This is why you feel like you can’t step off the gerbil wheel. 

Meanwhile, you’re prioritizing everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. Client’s deadlines get met. Staff reviews get written and delivered. The kids get driven to their sports practices. Dinner’s on the table. 

Caring for yourself comes last. In some cases, gladly. Because you’ve told yourself that the accolades that come from being great or even exceptional are more important than sleep, nourishment, play, peace or relaxation.  Or, you couldn’t bear the thought of “failing” and letting someone down. Only getting five or six hours of sleep is a worthwhile price to pay. 

Do you see the trap you’re in? There is no way you’re getting to that finish line when you’re trying to meet someone else’s standards. Ever. How do I know this with such certainty? If I know you the way I think I do, you’ve already put in an immense amount of time and energy to be perfect. And in your mind, you’re not there yet. If there was a real finish line, you would have crossed it by now?

Ready for a change? Today, take a lunch break. Eat lunch. Not at your desk. Not while you’re on your phone. Fix yourself something you’ll enjoy eating. Give yourself 20-30 minutes and just eat. 

This is probably going to be hard for you. Don’t blow it off. By taking a small fraction of time in your day for yourself you’re choosing to prioritize yourself and your needs. It will likely feel uncomfortable. You may try to convince yourself that this is a worthless endeavor. If that’s what you believe, then definitely make sure you do this. 

Proving that you’re perfect or trying to prove that you’re perfect is deep-in-your-bones exhausting. You can’t work your way out of this. When you can see the trap you’re in, you just need to stop running.

It’s Time To Stop Criticizing Yourself So Often

Here’s a Way To Forgive Yourself so You Can Move On

Years ago when I was working as a corporate controller, I keyed in the wrong payroll information and one of our employees wasn't paid. I was sick to my stomach. I prided myself on double and triple checking my work, but this one slipped through the cracks. Of course, I fixed it, apologized and made sure the employee was paid as soon as she could have been. But while it was happening, I was beating myself up. How could I let this happen? I needed to be more careful! This is embarrassing. 

From then on, every time I processed payroll, the memory of that mistake would come back and I worried I’d make another one. Even though the mistake was far in the past, I kept bringing it to the present and would ruminate on it. 

Many high-achieving women are slow to forgive themselves.They hold onto a mistake or misstep, ruminate and rehash it, and beat themselves up for it. Their mistake could have happened 10 years, 10 weeks, 10 days or 10 minutes ago. It still occupies a lot of space in their minds.  In a 2016 study of 2,000 women in the UK, it was found that women criticize themselves at least eight times a day.  

When our expectations are high for ourselves, there is little room for messing up. We work hard to be prepared, to double check our work, do the right thing and make the best choice. These expectations don't just live in the office, they can include how we juggle our home life, how we work out and the food choices we make. 

Some folks are under the misconception that holding onto mistakes will help minimize them in the future. The reality is that after a few moments of reflection, holding onto a mistake only erodes our confidence and distracts us from what's happening in the present moment. 

How can you be fully present when you're beating yourself up for overeating at dinner? Or, re-writing that email response you sent this morning in your mind? Or, wishing you weren't late picking up your kid at basketball practice? 

While you're beating yourself up, you're also letting the magic of the moment slip by. You may miss listening to an important conversation, noticing how warm the sun feels, or enjoying a lovely meal. Essentially, when you don't forgive yourself quickly, you're allowing yourself to be robbed. 

Forgiving ourselves quickly takes some practice and willingness. Start by noticing the cost of not forgiving yourself, because there is one.  Catch yourself when you start to beat yourself up. 

When I was training to be a yoga teacher, I was taught the importance of forgiving myself in the moment. It's called instant forgiveness. It's common for teachers, especially new ones, to forget to call a pose or mix up their lefts and their rights (it's harder than you think!). If a teacher makes a mistake and beats themselves up for it for the rest of the class, they rob themselves of the peace or excitement they could feel at that moment and they rob their students of their full engagement. 

One of the tactics my yoga mentor would teach us would be to say "So what".  You forgot a pose, "so what". By saying "so what", you lessen the negative meaning your mistake has on you.  In "How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back from Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job" the authors recommend a similar approach when you're plagued with ruminating on your past mistakes. They suggest saying "oh, well" to yourself. There was a mistake on page 6 of your presentation, "oh, well". You felt nervous and stumbled over your words at your last talk, "oh, well". 

Whether you say "so, what" or "oh, well", remind yourself that your mistakes aren't something you need to carry with you into the future. You can learn from them and move on. And the quicker you can do this, the more you and everyone around you will benefit from it. 

How Trying To Be Perfect Holds Women Back

My latest book, Truly Seen, is about how the cultural ideas of perfectionism and thinness hold women back from living a life they love. I share how women get trapped into trying to live up to these unattainable standards, which only leaves them feeling like they’re a failure.  I understand the impact of being a perfectionist. 

So, when I got my manuscript back from my proofreader, I caught myself reviewing and re-editing each sentence. Despite the fact that the manuscript has been professionally reviewed several times. An internal struggle brews inside of me. I want to put out the highest quality work I can. But I don't have the time or energy to keep working on the manuscript.  My book designer is waiting on me. 

I need to decide that my work is “good enough”. The irony of my own perfectionist tendencies aren't lost on me. I caught myself trying to perfect a book around perfectionism. 

For many women, perfectionism comes automatically and the idea of “good enough” feels like failing.  

If you're like me, you learned at a pretty young age that doing things well, and having high standards for yourself comes with lots of accolades. When I was moving into my dorm my freshman year in college, my roommate’s mom praised her for how perfectly she made her bed. I recall looking over at my bed, and wondering if I tucked in my top sheet as precisely as I could have. Were my pillows in the right place? 

Our praises aren’t just sung by our mothers when we do well.  Your name may be listed in the newspaper when you made Dean's List, your boss rewarded you with the highest raise during your last performance review and your favorite client offered you a job with a 20% raise. 

Perfectionism gets rewarded in corporate America. Your outstanding work ethic and high standards have contributed to your success. It feels great to do outstanding work and get noticed for it. 

But it's come with a price. 

Perfection doesn’t have a finish line. You can always refine that report, be clearer in your communication, be more organized, and find a better way to make a point in your book. When is enough, enough? After three revisions? Ten? Fifty? It’s so hard to answer that question because the ideals of perfection are based on external and cultural ideals. These standards are impossible to attain. When we try to be perfect, we are trying to be an ideal version of ourselves. That person doesn’t exist. 

There isn't enough time in your workday to do everything perfectly, without exhaustion and potential burnout. My clients share their anger and resentment with me, a common symptom of perfectionism. When you’re trying to be perfect for everyone else, you lose yourself in the process.  

While holding high standards for yourself at work, you also hold them for yourself in other areas of your life. You need to meet that deadline and get dinner on the table. You need to wrap up that deliverable and have a clean laundry room. You need to give your team timely performance feedback and get to the gym five days a week. Perfectionism wears us very thin.

When we strive for perfection, there is never an off switch. Perfectionism seeps into each aspect of our lives, including our relationships. We can never fully relax and rest because there is always one more little thing we can do to make what we are doing better. There is no rest for the weary. 

This is exhausting, isn't it? 

Instead of our work performance being a source of positivity, it turns into a way we can beat ourselves up. If our work doesn't meet our high standards, even if our work is objectively outstanding, we berate ourselves and feel like we’re failing. You may notice that you often feel anxious and stressed when a new project comes your way. You've lost that eagerness and excitement. Instead you’re worried that you can't measure up if you don't do it perfectly. 

Thankfully, I caught myself when that perfectionist mindset came creeping in when I was finishing up my manuscript. Being aware of your own patterns around perfectionism is the most important first step you can take. You can't change what you can't see. When you can see what's going on, you can make a different choice. It's not all or nothing. You can maintain a level of high-quality work, and keep your sanity. 

Would You Feel More Confident if You Lost Weight?

Let’s talk about the trap most people are in around how they feel about their bodies and their confidence. 

This is one of those questions that I’m not sure why I bother asking. I know the answer. It would be like asking; do you prefer the sunshine over cloudy days?, or do you like puppies?. 

Yes. Sure. Definitely. Of course. 

Despite how prevalent this belief is, the typical approach to weight loss is NOT making people more confident. Just the opposite. 

Let’s consider Jane, an amalgamation of the majority of my clients. Jane has been dieting since she was 14. She’s been successful at losing weight temporarily, but inevitably the weight she lost just comes back and then some. She’s tried everything; Weight Watchers, Noom, intermittent fasting and juice cleanses. 

Jane often fantasizes about the days when she felt like she was on top of the world because she fit into smaller jeans. She shares with me how hopeless she feels and how disgusted she is with her body. Jane’s exhausted, but she just wants to feel better about herself. Even though she’s coming to the understanding that diets aren’t the solution, she can’t imagine feeling confident in her current body size.  

Diet companies relentlessly market their products and claim that they work. But what they fail to tell us is that even though diets may help people lose weight in the short term, 90% of diets result in weight gain in the long term. This convinces people that they haven’t found the right diet yet and they should keep looking. Diet companies also depict active and happy people after they’ve lost weight, reaffirming the belief that our confidence does come packaged in a smaller body. 

Most people first go on a diet because they’ve been told their (larger) body is wrong or bad. When Jane was 14, losing weight meant that she could look like her friends and feel accepted. Her parents praised her when she was thin. But now, Jane doesn’t know what it’s like to NOT diet. She’s always held the belief that her body is wrong. 

How do we build confidence in ourselves when we believe our body is too big, wrong, fat or bad and needs to be fixed? 

While Jane diets, she often ignores or neglects the signals her body shares with her. She’ll not eat when she’s uncomfortably hungry. She’ll choose to eat the ‘right’ foods even though they don’t leave her feeling satisfied. She often ignores her body’s exhaustion and will try to power through her work day with coffee and energy snacks. When she does eat foods she’s not supposed to eat, she feels so guilty and ashamed. 

Dieting disconnects people from their bodies. Worse yet, when people aren’t following their food plan, they feel like a failure. 

The strategy most people are using to feel better about themselves is in fact, the problem. Pursuing weight loss erodes people’s confidence. 

True confidence is something we feel in our bodies. 

How can we feel more confident if we are disconnected from this feeling? 

The truth is that no matter what, your body isn’t broken and doesn’t need fixing. This may take lot’s of unlearning. Body satisfaction can take time. Instead of dieting, choose to respect and care for your body.

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If you’d like coaching around body satisfaction and feeling comfortable in your own skin, schedule a clarity call with me.

What if You Could Be MORE of Your Truest Self and LESS of the Person You Think You SHOULD Be?

You know all too well who you "should" be... 

Put together. 

Smart. 

Nice. 

Healthy. 

Hard working. 

You shouldn't let anyone down, especially not your loved ones. You shouldn't let a deadline slip or have an out of control laundry room. You shouldn't eat "crap" food and you should be exercising regularly. 

When our "shoulds” pile up, they feel overwhelming. And, because there are so many of them, we can never meet all of those expectations and be the right person for everyone else. That can make us feel guilty and like we are always doing something wrong. 

There is another option. 

Recognizing your ideal self and expanding her. Seeing your struggles and acknowledging the wisdom in them. Bringing a compassionate voice to your doubts and fears. Letting go of the "ideals'' that others have created for you and crafting your own standards. Connecting with your true self is the best gift you can give to yourself and the world. 

Oh, I recognize this is easier said than done. But I wanted to offer you a different approach to how you design your New Year’s resolutions, goals and intentions. Essentially, the person we think we should be is that “perfect” person. That perfect person is acceptable, lovable and successful. No wonder we’ve been striving for that. 

In my forthcoming book, I share many stories of how I tried to be “perfect”. I’d straighten my curly hair when I went to important client meetings, so I could present myself as more “put together”. I’d stay up well past the kids went to bed to meet a work deadline. 

But, where has striving for this ideal gotten us?

Exhausted. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Feeling like a failure. But when we are more ourselves, we get to relax and feel the true confidence that comes from knowing that we don’t need fixing.  

Proving Is to Perfectionism As Dieting Is to Thinness

All humans want to belong and feel worthy of connection. 

Diet culture tells us that thin bodies are healthier, more attractive, successful and lovable. 

The cultural narrative from the patriarchy is that women need to do it all and have it all under control. 

Feeling worthy of belonging isn’t something we need to earn. However, we’ve been told we need to be thin and perfect to feel successful, worthy and lovable. 

I call this the Promise of the Thin and Perfect. 

The Promise of the Thin and Perfect has been in place for generations. We were born into it. So were our parents. And grandparents. We haven’t known any other way to feel good about ourselves except to pursue thinness (or maintain it) and perfectionism. 

The assumption is something is wrong. 

Your body is wrong if it’s not thin enough. 

You’re wrong unless you show the world you have your shit together. 

Dieting and proving are ways to fix. 

Dieting is a way we try to fix our bodies. When restricting food and increasing exercise, we hope for a thin body. 

Proving is a way of showing those around us (and even ourselves) that we are enough. 

We've been given a harmful solution. 

Dieting leads to long term weight gain, reduces metabolism, and makes dieters more susceptible to eating disorders. 

Dieting also makes dieters feel like a failure, robs them of time and energy and distracts them from what's more important in their life. 

Proving is fuckin' exhausting. When proving, you can never do enough. As a result, you rarely carve out time to care for yourself or tune into your needs. Proving leads to burn out. 

When proving, you will only feel good about yourself when others validate you. 

Dieting and proving only offer faux safety and faux control. 

If dieting and proving were a valid solution, you would reliably feel peaceful, connected and satisfied. 

Instead, you likely feel like you’re on a gerbil wheel and can’t get off. 

Because diet culture tells you dieting works and you’re encouraged to show the world the put together version of yourself, you likely feel trapped. 

You keep trying to diet better and prove harder. 

We’ve been duped. The Promise of the Thin and Perfect has always been broken. 

It was NEVER designed to make you feel worthy and successful. It was only designed to leave you distracted, feeling like a failure and most importantly, disconnected from your body. 

Dieting is a way of proving. Thinness is a form of perfectionism. 

They are cut from the same cloth. 

You can only feel peaceful and connected, attractive, and worthy when you're connected to your body. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. This is what my second book is about! Does it land for you? 

I Thought Self-Care Was Bullshit

Until this changed my mind

I used to hate the idea of self-care. I thought it was complete and utter bullshit. Bubble baths. Spa days. Pedicures. A big glass of red wine. When I talked to women about how they took care of themselves, the typical response was "I don't have time for that." They were waiting for the rare weekend they had a few moments without family or work responsibilities or the week-long beach vacation to check that self-care box off their to-do list. 

I also wondered why self-care was just marketed to women. Every other email I received from wellness publications and health coaches beat the self-care drum. Why didn’t my kids need self-care? Why wasn't my husband concerned about having enough time for himself? My skeptical brain saw self-care as another thing women could feel guilty about because they couldn’t fit into their busy schedules.

Self-care seemed like fluff that busy, working women had no time for. 

But yet, I know that everyone, regardless of gender or age, needs time for rest and play. Humans weren't put on this earth to be working machines. Downtime isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. I just couldn't get on board with how self-care was talked about and presented to me. 

My mind changed around self-care when I understood two things. 

Firstly, self-care isn't about what you do, but about prioritizing caring for yourself and seeing yourself as worth caring for. You’re worthy of proper health care and getting enough sleep, among many other things. 

A friend confided in me that she hadn't seen a dentist for over 5 years while she was raising her young children and working in corporate America. Boy, I get that. I'm sure her kids didn’t miss a check-up at their pediatricians and I'm sure her boss loved that she rarely missed a deadline. But, it took her a long while to sort out that having her teeth cleaned and caring for herself was a priority only she could make. Her husband wasn't booking that appointment for her. Her boss wasn't scooting her out the door at 2 pm on a Tuesday. She needed to do that herself. 

Secondly, self-care extends well beyond freshly painted toenails and tinted eyebrows. Both of those things make me feel better. But you know what supports me? Allowing myself to rest when I’m tired. Having regular conversations with my body and asking her what she needs at this moment. Sitting in stillness regularly and allowing new ideas to pop in. Trusting myself. Booking an appointment for my yearly skin scan with my dermatologist. Taking a long shower. 

Self-care isn’t about what it looks like, it’s about how it feels. 

Your relationship with food can be self-care. 

When clients come to me, they feel disconnected from their bodies when it comes to food and exercise. They’ve been on dozens of diets and are trying to eat the “right” thing. What's really happening is they are punishing their body and they're using food and exercise as weapons. 

Giving your body enough food is caring for your body. Choosing foods you enjoy is an act of love. Feeling satisfied after a meal is self-care. When you're caring for yourself, guilt and shame get replaced with self-compassion. 

If you’ve been avoiding or have been critical of the idea of self-care like I was, join me in a mind shift. Your relationship with food and exercise is an awesome place to start. 

Here are some of just a few ways you can bring in new self-care practices: 

• Stop weighing yourself. 

• Give yourself permission to eat a variety of foods. 

• Discover what types of movement you enjoy and feel good to you. 

• Notice when you feel tired and let yourself rest or nap. 

• Take a few moments every day to be outside. 

• Start to tune in to hunger signals. This article may help. 

• Create a morning routine. This article may help. 

• If you’ve been dieting regularly, become aware of the negative emotional and physical side effects. Learn more here. 

Self-care isn't a box to check off. Its transformational. Take it from this once skeptic.  

Mindful Eating Is So Much More than Chewing 50 Times

I’m hosting a free webinar called Mindful Eating: Bringing Peace and Presence to Your Relationship with Food on Thursday, March 10th at 12 pm EST. Here is why I’m so excited to be offering this. 

I first learned about mindful eating at a yoga retreat at Kripalu with Bryan Kest. There were a few hundred yogis packed into a large hall with a massively high ceiling. We all spread out on the floor, sitting on our mats and bolsters. 

Bryan shared his ideas about mindfulness and yoga and even advised us to chew our food 50 times before swallowing. 

At the time, Bryan’s advice came to me when trying to control my weight was a top priority. I had taken meat out of my diet. I tried eating a vegan diet. I was even dabbling in raw foods. I had studied Ayurveda and designed my diet around my doshas. I hadn’t tried mindful eating. In my mind, I wondered; could this be what I was doing wrong? Was I eating too much because I was eating too fast? 

There is no doubt, I started practicing mindful eating for weight loss. This is the common and popular marketing tactic clinicians and coaches use when they offer mindful eating classes. They imply that when you slow down while eating, you’ll eat less. 

While it definitely took me longer to eat my meals when I was following Bryan’s advice, I’m not sure if I ate less. I certainly paid a lot more attention to what I was eating. At times, I even got bored. Eating felt like work.  

Thanks to my early days of practicing mindful eating, I woke up a muscle of tuning into the experience of eating. Yes, I went to the extreme.  But after spending years eating lunch at my desk at work and snacking in my car, this extra attention served me well. 

If you’re considering practicing mindful eating, you may be wondering if it needs to have the laborious and painful beginnings that my practice did. Do you need to spend a weekend at a yoga retreat to learn how? Do you need to spend over 30 minutes at each meal? Does mindful eating require soooo much chewing? 

In my opinion, no. It doesn’t. 

I learned mindful eating with all the wrong intentions. I didn’t want to enjoy food more. I just wanted to eat less. I wasn’t looking for more richness and enjoyable taste. I was trying to make my body smaller. Now, my relationship with food and body has evolved so that I care for my body deeply, which includes the foods I choose and how I take the time to eat them all. 

Tuning in to your eating experience is much more than chewing. It starts way before you even sit down to eat. Mindful eating is a practice of tuning into your mind and body. 

This is why I’m excited to share with you my free to attend webinar called Mindful Eating: Bringing Peace and Presence to Your Relationship with Food on Thursday, March 10th at 12 pm EST. 

I want to share with you mindful eating while considering the principles of Intuitive Eating. This means you’ll be learning how to eat mindfully to create more joy and satisfaction in your experience of eating. 

If this speaks to you, I’d love for you to join me. We will be eating together on this call. Don’t worry. You can do this with your camera off. Here is the sign up link. 

Happy New Year! 5 Practices I’m Focused on for My Highest Healing and Growth in 2022

I had an intuitive hit while on my 2-week content sabbatical. I’m going to share more about myself. In many ways, you and I are on similar journeys. Sure, when it comes to body image and intuitive eating, we may have different healing experiences. But, on many levels, I’m experiencing what you’re experiencing, and you're experiencing what I am. It’s just the way the world works. 

I hope that by sharing what’s happening for me, you’ll feel less crazy, less alone and have a more palpable sense of relief. Like, “Phew- someone is going through the same thing I’m going through.”  I get how important it is to not feel alone. 

So, As we kick off this new year, here are five practices I’m focused on. 

#1: Living inside of my body through the lens of my nervous system. 

Thankfully, I’m surrounded by some pretty kick-ass healers and educators around trauma, embodiment and self-regulation. I’m becoming very aware of how often my body gets kicked into flight or fight, or when I shut down and freeze. This morning, I created a nest for myself in my office. I have a rolled-up towel behind my lower back and I have a weighted scarf on my lap. As I felt this support, I noticed an immediate softening. It was like my body said, “Yes, please.” In 2022, I want more “yes pleases”. This is my body’s way of sharing with me that it feels safe. 

#2: Accepting pain. 

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with pain. You, too?  The lesson has been in front of me from the beginning, and in 2022, I’m letting in something new around injury, pain and healing. Through the years, I’ve said to this pain over and over, please go away. I don’t want you. You’re in my way, you’re stopping me from getting what I want. I realized in my recent journaling that the conversation I’m having with and about the pain I’m experiencing is ALL lies. The “painful” truth is that in some ways, I’ve let my pain be a welcomed distraction. All of my appointments, all of the time and energy I’ve been spending trying to make my pain go away has been a way of me trying to fix my body. But the truth is, my body can be in pain and not be broken. Pain can just be information, not something that summons fear of my future or blame from my past. In 2022, pain is something that I can not only accept, but it’s also something I can choose for myself. 

#3: Allowing myself the grace to be fully ME. 

For decades. For as long as I can remember. I’ve been working to this higher standard that I believed I needed to meet. This standard, you can call it perfection, or you can call it impossible, consistently kicked my ass. Trying to achieve, work, and be this standard has been incredibly exhausting. I always felt like I was never doing enough and I should be doing more. Where did this standard come from? Why have I been designing my life to meet it? What price have I paid while trying? All good questions and ones that I’ll be answering in my next book (plans to publish in late 2022). Being fully me means that I work with my energy, genius and softness. Instead of trying so hard and proving myself, I’m putting my focus on living in a flow state of ease and gentleness. This feels foreign at times. And uncomfortable. Like when I rest in the middle of the day and let my body restore. Instead of pushing, I’m just tuning into myself and offering myself what I know I need. This feels light. And free. 

#4: Continue to love my relationship with food. 

Last night I was enjoying a brownie with milk. An old conversation crept in that said “you shouldn’t be eating this.” Noticing this was liberating. I’ve let go of so many food rules, and yet guilt can be an old familiar friend that likes to show up every once in a while. My motto continues to be “preference, not perfection”. I got this from my friend Jennifer Kreatsolous’s forthcoming book The Courageous Path to Healing. This motto offers me both guidance and confirmation. My food choices are mine to make. Perfection is something that I get to define. Diet culture tries to define perfect eating for us, but it’s fictitious. In 2022, I’m going to notice and cultivate my relationship with food because I know it will open up more personal growth and expansion.  

#5: Exploring what’s nourishing. 

In the past year or so, I’ve been sitting with what I’m consuming for movies, TV, videos and social media. I haven’t always had discernment around what feels good and what doesn’t. I’ve let in information just because it’s available. I’ve been passive and in some ways, asleep.  But now, I shut that shit down if it doesn’t feel right. I notice what shows I like to watch, and what ones just don’t keep my interest or leave me feeling anxious. I’m paying attention to what books I like to read that fills me. I’m starting to notice all of the different interactions in my life that feel nourishing. It can be driving in my car, walking to the mailbox, or sipping warm tea. In 2022, exploring what’s nourishing for me is a way that I practice honoring my unique needs and desires. 

 How about you? Do you have any practices that you’ll start this year? 

Feeling shitty about your body today?

There is so much that may trigger you to feel bad about your body. 

How your jeans fit when you zipped them this morning. 

What you ate yesterday. 

Pictures on social media. 

Recalling the conversation over Thanksgiving dinner about how Aunt Susan lost all of that weight on her latest diet. Uggh. Diet and weight loss talk can be so overwhelming. 

If this is you, you may be: 

• Making a plan to fix your body with a new diet, more restriction (aka being good today), and more exercise. 

• Feeling stuck and hopeless. Body shame can feel very heavy and immobilizing. 

• Engaging other patterns that feel less bad; like shopping, excessive working, drinking, and eating. 

These aren’t bad responses. It's natural to find ways to feel better when living in a world that often tells you that there is something wrong with your body. These are ways you’re trying to survive. 

I'd like to offer you a few ways to ride out feeling bad about your body.

• Can you pull yourself up and away and witness yourself? Instead of being caught up in thoughts, reactions, and the drama of fixing, watch yourself in the experience. 

• Limit how much outside information and pictures you do take in. Turn away from the magazines in the grocery store aisle, certain accounts on social media and websites. Follow #bodyliberation accounts. 

• Give yourself permission to wear comfortable clothing. 

• Prioritize some of your basic needs; hydration, rest, and connecting with a close and trusted friend, partner, or family member. 

• Do your best to ground yourself in your body. Take some deep breaths. Spend a few moments outside and get some fresh air. Let your feet rest on the floor and let them be supported. 

I know it doesn't feel great. Remind yourself that this too shall pass. You deserve to feel good in your body, no matter what. Be gentle with yourself.