Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin

I’d like to invite you to a free to attend webinar on this topic. See details below. 

There was a time in my life when I believed that I'd feel comfortable in my own skin when my body was thinner. I had this fantasy that when I finally lost weight that my whole life would fall into place. I'd feel more confident at work. I'd feel cuter and more attractive. I’d be relaxed around what I was eating because my body had finally reached my goal weight. 

In my mind, feeling comfortable in my own skin was a goal to achieve, something I needed to earn. And my reward for my hard work was that I’d be happy, attractive and comfortable with my life. 

If that fantasy had become a reality, my story would have stopped there. I would have declared victory and moved on. 

I never reached this goal. Not even close. The harder I worked at thinness, the less confident, attractive and relaxed I felt. 

Clearly, my understanding of what it took to be comfortable in my own skin was faulty. I was focused on the wrong things. Primarily because I had been promised that weight loss would make me happy.  

I can't recall the exact day I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. At first, it came in small moments of peace while I was lying in savasana after a sweaty yoga class. Those moments became more frequent. I noticed them when I felt so satisfied after eating a meal that tasted delicious to me, when I felt confident, passionate and nervous while giving a talk in front of a large group. I noticed ease while getting dressed in clothes that I liked wearing. 

As things started to click, I could tell when I felt comfortable in my own skin and when I didn’t. I could practice living inside of my body or I could live outside of my body. One way felt peaceful and one way filled me with anxiety.  

Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin can look and act like this: 

- Weighing yourself and letting the number determine how you feel that day. 

- Exercising intensely because of what or how much you ate. 

- Comparing your body to those around you. 

- Looking at your reflection in the mirror and only seeing what's wrong. 

- Consuming social media pictures that make you feel like your body isn't enough. 

As an intuitive eating counselor and yoga teacher, I know practicing feeling comfortable in your own skin has a big impact on your confidence, self esteem and your relationship with food. It’s possible to feel at peace in your body and know in your heart that no matter what your size, shape or health that your body is a good body. 

This is why I’m excited to invite you to my upcoming webinar. I’ll be sharing with you:

• What's really going on around why you feel so dissatisfied with your body. 

• Three things you can do right away that will start to change how you feel in your body. 

• Why feeling comfortable in your own skin is a practice and not a destination. 

• Guidance on your own body image journey. 

This one hour webinar, Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin,  is free to attend. If you sign up and can’t attend in person, you can purchase the recording for $25. 

Sign up here:

Wednesday, July 27th at 5pm EST, 2pm PST

Thursday, July 28th at 12pm EST, 9am PST 

Client Case Study: Passionate Entrepreneur Stops Dieting, Expands Her Business and Accepts Her Body

After spending a few years practicing Intuitive Eating on her own, Allison (not her real name) came to me because she noticed a few challenges that she couldn’t solve on her own. She was still doing some night time eating, even though she knew she wasn't hungry. She also came home from a recent vacation with her family and had a really hard time seeing pictures of herself. She wanted a better self-image of her body. 

Allison and I worked together for 12 sessions. Here are some of the tools and guidance I offered her. 

Tuning into Needs

Allison is incredibly focused and loves working hard in the business she’s so passionate about. Yet, she was putting her families and clients needs ahead of her own. Most days, she would choose to work without a break for lunch. At the end of the day, she felt depleted, exhausted and resentful. As Allison started to recognize her need for space and rest, she found it easier to make caring for herself a priority.  

Awareness of Hunger

One of the side effects of dieting is putting off and dismissing hunger signals. I shared with her what hunger signals to look for. As Allison increased her awareness around hunger, she realized that she was waiting too long to eat. As she started to eat when she felt pleasantly hungry, she started to enjoy her meals more. 

Letting Go of the Shoulds

Allison noticed she was carrying over some old food rules that had her feeling guilty. As she noticed them, named them and let them go, she gave herself permission to create her own habits and patterns around food that fit her life and schedule. 

Slowing Down to Connect

Allison noticed how her life felt like a sprint and she was always short on time. She started to use some grounding and breathing exercises that helped her slow down and tune into her body. She also gave herself permission to have more space in her days so she could enjoy time with her family and friends. 

Body Image Upgrade

By tuning into her self-talk, Allison realized that she was worried that she was gaining weight. This was a pattern of thinking she had since she was young. When she noticed it, she was able to challenge the belief and bring her thinking back to the present moment. Now, she no longer has this inaccurate thought plaguing her and she feels a lot lighter. 

Noticing Body Sensations

Using a few different techniques and approaches, Allison found a way to notice sensations in her body. This awakening has helped her tune into simple signals from the body like when she feels energized and passionate and when she feels depleted. She’s able to use this awareness around self-care, but also in her business and relationships. 

Favorite Mantra

“Where your focus goes, energy flows” really resonated with her because she acknowledged the choice that she always has to change and shift what she’s focused on. 

As we were winding down our time together, Allison shared that she saw some pictures of her and her family over the Easter holiday. Instead of the dread she felt from seeing the family vacation pictures a few shorts months ago, she felt neutral. She described it as saying to herself “Oh, that’s me.” And it barely impacted her. 

Now that she’s practicing embodiment and has a deeper practice of intuitive eating, Allison’s felt even more free around food and has been able to focus her energy on her family and her sleep consulting business. She’s been able to expand her business by hiring resources and outsourcing pieces that were exhausting her. She’s even given herself time on Fridays for downtime, hikes with friends and self-care. 

What Happened When My Clothes Stopped Fitting

I’m waiting for my new jeans from Universal Standard to be delivered any moment now. I dropped off 4 pairs of jeans at the local consignment shop because they no longer fit me. 

I’m giving myself permission to wear clothes that fit me well and that I like to wear. 

AND, this has been hard. 

I’ve been recognizing this old voice inside of me. She was asking What did I do wrong? Am I not tuned into my body enough? Should I be exercising more? Am I not drinking enough water? 

As I was processing this over the past few days, at the heart of what I was asking myself is: Have I failed?

After years of practicing intuitive eating and coaching my clients to do the same, it’s important for you to know that I still was temporarily hooked by the thin body ideal. That part of me is seeing my body as something that’s wrong because my jeans no longer fit. This old voice wants to fix what I see as broken. 

I compassionately observed my thinking around this and noticed a few emotions that came up. Guilt and hopelessness. It felt like I was trapped and there was only one way out (needing to fix my body). 

I recognized these familiar feelings. In the past, I had used these feelings as motivation for what I thought was “positive” change. But motivation that comes from shame doesn’t last. 

Letting go of clothes that don’t fit was a proactive and bold move on my part. In the past, I was hoping they would be a reminder of what was possible (being thinner). But that never motivated me either. 

Some new questions to consider for myself popped in: 

What if I did nothing wrong? 

What if I don’t need to be doing it right? 

I felt this liberation emerge in my body. When I’m not attached to the definitions of right or wrong around food and body weight that diet culture created for me, I’m free to choose what works for me. 

I didn’t need to battle with the reaction of “I need to fix my body”, I just needed to notice it. 

Exploring this freedom around my body became light and fun. 

The questions continued… 

What if I was so free from expectations around my body that I could just love it so much? 

I could treat it without limits or restrictions, without complacency or history. I wouldn’t need my body to be anything to anyone, I could just be free to live inside of it. I could just care for it. 

My body has been through a lot in the past 5 years. I made some major professional changes (including publishing my book), had two surgeries, and like everyone, have been living through a pandemic. 

Which is why I’m so open to this deeper level of healing. It was time for me to gently process some of these emotions and let them go, just like I let go of these old jeans.  

If you’re like me, and your clothes don’t fit, consider letting them go and investing in some that do. Doing so may bring you the liberation and love you’ve been looking for.

One Reason You Keep Dieting. Even When You Know Dieting Doesn’t Work.

This may be hard to hear. 

When I interviewed Virginia Sole-Smith on my Hungry: Trust Your Body. Free Your Mind podcast, she confessed something that I’ve heard before and I could personally relate to. 

She knew that diets didn’t work. But that didn’t stop her from trying to lose weight. She told herself that she'd be the exception. She would be the 5% (it’s well documented and researched that 95% of diets only lead to weight gain after 3 years). She wanted to be her own “after” picture. 

Virginia and I both talked about our determination. Our discipline. Our strong work ethic. 

We both concluded, without telling a soul, that we had what it took to lose weight and keep it off. 

Although it’s painful to admit, we considered ourselves not only to be the exception, but BETTER people than the vast majority of diet failures. 

And it’s not surprising that we held this belief.  Considering what we commonly hear from folks that just lost weight on a diet.  

If I can do this, you can too. 

It was hard for me at first, but it’s so worth it. 

My life has changed now that I’ve lost all of this weight. 

Diet culture tells us to be strong, hopeful and never to give up. 

Even when we understand science. Our body is designed to protect and defend its set point. Significant weight loss isn’t possible because our body will override any conscious decision-making and ensure that we eat by increasing our drive to eat and slowing our metabolism. 

We live in a world where we are told our body isn’t good enough. After all, a “perfect” body is reserved for a very small margin of folks. Six pack abs are rarely achievable without genetics, significant time and an army of resources. 

If you live in a body that’s not perfect, you’ve already been told you’re a failure. And who wants to be a failure? 

No one. Our one way of digging ourselves out of feeling like a failure is to be exceptional. 

We need to prove we aren’t a failure. We need to prove that diet, restriction and weight loss are something we can accomplish. 

Consider the popular, yet controversial reality TV show The Biggest Loser. An interesting play on words. Taken one way, each contestant is called a big loser. Or a fat failure.  Taken another way, the winner is the contest that lost the most weight. 

Do we need any other proof than that to summarize exactly how you may be feeling about your body weight? 

You may feel really trapped. You may NEED to prove your worth and without a diet and weight loss plan, you feel defeated because you’ll be stuck in a body that’s just wrong. 

Moving out of this trap takes a few steps. 

Understand the role diet culture has played in your belief that your body is wrong and that you need to fix it. 

Be open to the real science of setpoint. I wrote more about it here. Your body is brilliant at keeping itself in balance. 

It’s okay that you wanted to be the exception. You are exceptional. But you don’t need to lose weight to prove that to yourself or anyone else. 

Allow your body to take the lead. Start to be curious about its signals. With practice, you’ll eventually trust it to guide you and your health and well-being. 

It’s common to want to FIX your struggles with food and your weight. Common. But not helpful.

When you’re trying to fix, 

• You may be thinking…. I need to STOP overeating, STOP eating emotionally, STOP eating the wrong foods. 

• You may feel really urgent (maybe even panicked) to find a solution (program, coach, or book) that will take away the struggle. 

• You likely beat yourself up and feel bad when you overeat or emotionally eat. It’s generally right after these situations that you want “to fix” most. 

The most common forms of fixing are food restriction, rigorous dieting and more frequent or longer exercise.  

If you’re trying to fix your relationship with food and bodies, you’ve likely forgotten: 

• Your body is universally perfect because it’s here on earth. You came into this world divinely and nothing has changed. It’s only our culture and the biases we’ve absorbed that have led us to believe that something is wrong. 

• Disordered patterns with food are coping mechanisms. You’ve put them in place to keep yourself safe and protected. 

• By trying to fix unwanted behavior, you may spend more time and energy on the behavior instead of inviting in healing the part of you that created the unwanted behavior in the first place. 

When we try to fix, we see ourselves as wrong or broken. 

And this is simply not true. 

And, you’re not wrong for wanting to fix something painful! Of course, you want your life to be better. 

My invitation to you is to notice when you want to fix. When you catch yourself, gently remind yourself that the way to heal is through connecting with your inner state and practicing self-compassion. 

A World Where Women Love Their Bodies

Squeezed into a dressing room, my friend Caroline tossed out a simple question to Kelly and me.

Her eyes glued to the full-length mirror, checking out the pair of jeans from all different angles. Front, back, left side, ride side.

“Do these jeans make me look fat?

We quickly responded…

No, of course not!

They look great!!

Definitely buy them!!

Without realizing it, I was being schooled in the language of body shame. In the mall, with my high school friends.

I learned that I was supposed to be self-conscious about how my clothes fit me.

My thinner friends thought they looked fat. What did that say about my athletic body? I drew the conclusion I must have been really fat.

I learned to ask for other people’s opinions of how my clothes fit. More out of courtesy than necessity. Because it never mattered what they said.

I learned to never trust the words they shared. If they thought something looked good on me, they were just being nice. They wouldn’t tell me the truth.

No matter how our clothes fit, body shame, sadly, fits us like a glove. The conversations we have in our minds comparing and criticizing our bodies are just too comfortable and too frequent.

The schooling continued and body shame was something that just became the norm.

This is why I’m holding a very important vision.

I see a world where all women are loving their bodies. And not needing to only love a perfect version of their body.

They are loving their body just as it is- no matter their age, size, shape, ability, sexual orientation or preference. I see a world where all women love their here and now body.

We know our body is our best friend. We know our body is a source of wisdom and valuable information. We trust our body and we let it guide us.

In a world that tells us our body needs to be different, defying these messages takes a revolution. We need to see these messages for what they are; lies that hurt us.

We need to recognize how precious our bodies are, simply because they are here on this planet.

Loving your body is your birthright.

Can you see it for yourself?