If You’re Dieting and Trying To Lose Weight, You’re Wasting Precious Time and Energy

And your sanity. 

You're counting calories or macros. You're trying to eliminate a certain food group for weight loss. You're trying to follow a set of diet rules and ignore your hunger. You're using exercise to burn calories. 

Here's what you’re wasting time doing: 

1. worrying about what you eat. 

2. trying to avoid certain foods or food groups. 

4. finding the next diet you hope will finally work. 

5. counting and logging.

6. planning your meals and snacks so you can stay on track.

7. spending way more time than enjoyable working out.

8. stepping on the scale.

9. doing what it takes to avoid hunger (chewing gum, drinking tons of water, eating air food like low calorie popcorn).

10. Holding onto clothing that doesn’t fit for motivation.

You’re likely: 

• feeling like a failure

• wondering what wrong with you

• frustrated and exhausted

• ashamed of your body

• wondering if you're addicted to carbs and sugar
  

Remember; dieting and intentional weight loss only leads to long term weight gain. The question you can ask yourself before you diet is; how much time do want to waste and how much weight do you want to gain

Is this getting you the results you’re looking for? Are you feeling healthier? 

I have a ton of compassion if you are in this place. I've been there. I know you believe you're doing the right thing. I know diet culture has told you the weight solution is out there if you just wanted it enough (and worked hard enough at it). 

We can only focus our attention on one thing at a time. When you're focused on these things, you miss the opportunity to engage in what's in front of you. 

Your time is very precious. No one’s future is not guaranteed. Hug your loved ones. The greatest gift you can offer the world is your full engaged presence. 

What It’s Like To Work With Me: a client interview with Nicole

Hiring a coach is a big commitment. I wanted to offer you some input from my clients so you can hear from them what it’s like to work with me.

I interviewed Nicole, a client that I’m working with around intuitive eating and body image, and asked her a few questions. With her permission, I transcribed our conversation and I’m sharing it here.

TW: What made you want to work with me?

Nicole: You seemed really kind. This is hard stuff. Also, in all transparency, I was like, is she going to be too touchy feely? Is she going to be telling me to drink certain herbal teas and that'll save my life? I was a little nervous about that. I predict in a year, or even less, intuitive eating is gonna hit, it's gonna hit a  tipping point. And you're going to be like this front end person. You might not feel like you're the front end person, but you really, really are. So I think that's gonna happen. And we're gonna be like, oh, yeah, we knew that.

TW: What were some worries or concerns that you had with working with me before we started?

Nicole: I was worried, as I've done many different diets. I didn't think it was going to be a diet, but I didn't really know what it was going to be. And that's been a fun thing to expand, that has expanded over time. So I didn't know what it was going to be. And how much was going to be expected of me. 

I find that there's a lot expected of me, but it's done gently. And it's done at my pace. It's not every week coming here going, and saying, “I didn't do what I said I was gonna do, I failed”.  But it's not judgmental. It's just like, let's talk about that. It would be really hard for me if you were full of what I should do.  

You're very good at saying “you might want to”, or “here's something that you might want to try”. That's so different from “here is what you should really do”. It allows me to make the choice. You have great things to offer and I can pick the things I like that work for me. 

TW: What’s your favorite part of this work?

Nicole: I enjoy thinking about the wins. And often I find I didn't think I had any wins and then I did. Sometimes I think, oh, I don't have any wins and within five minutes of talking to you, I'm always like, like, yes I did. It's a very empowering feeling. It’s stretching a muscle. The more I do that, the better I get at that.

TW: What’s the biggest transformation you've had with working together?

Nicole: I definitely eat more real food. And recognizing that I actually like a lot of foods. I didn't realize that I did. I eat a lot of different foods now. 

I would say feeling successful, even though I still have so far to go and many things to do. That is such a nice feeling. It's what keeps me coming back. It's not Pollyanna-ish. It's not a job. It's like, I believe it when I come here and talk to you and I have a good thing happen, or I don't, it's real. 

TW: Is there anything surprising about working with me?

Nicole: The thing that surprises me is that I am still this engaged and interested and motivated.  And probably even more as time goes by. And I think that comes with building a trusting relationship, too.  Just feeling like, wow, this is really valuable. I can’t wait to talk about what was good this week, there are things that are positive. And then the next week that builds on that. But even on a bad week, I take something away. And that's a gift.

TW: Is there anyone that you would recommend me to?

Nicole:  This is very feministic work. Not that you wouldn't work with guys. But for me, it feels very much in that vein, and there's something there that other feminists would speak to them.

Is Your Negative Body Image Impacting Your Career?

I never would have linked these two things together; how I felt about my body and how successful I could be in business. After all, we’ve been taught how to succeed in business; work hard, get the right education, connect with a mentor and take well-calculated risks.

But now, as I reflect on the twists and turns in my career, I can see how the shifts I made in my relationship with food and my body went step by step with the changes I made professionally. I started my career in public accounting and thirty years later, I’m a published author who coaches female leaders to stop dieting and gain confidence in their bodies.

Let me share my brief career timeline. But I want you to know that I started dieting and eating emotionally when I was 12. So, even though I'm sharing with you some more recent diet history, I was experiencing disordered eating and body dysmorphia at a young and tender age.

• 2000. Started practicing yoga. Working in corporate accounting.

• 2001. Joined Weight Watchers after the birth of my son.

• 2007. Began training to be a yoga teacher.

• 2008. Left corporate accounting. Later that year, I founded my accounting consulting firm.

• 2009. Started practicing intuitive eating on my own.

• 2011. Opened my yoga studio.

• 2015. Became a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. Started coaching part-time.

  * This was the year I was actively running three businesses.

• 2016. Closed yoga studio.

• 2018. Dissolved accounting consulting firm.

• 2019. Transitioned into coaching full-time. Published my first book.

My yoga and intuitive eating practice taught me how to live inside of my body. Before then, I didn’t know that was a thing. I was dieting, doing my best to lose weight, and was disconnected from my body. I couldn’t live inside of my body because I was too busy judging it.

I could have stayed in my accounting career. But as much as I enjoyed the work, I couldn’t help noticing how draining and empty it left me. The more I listened to my body, I couldn’t ignore these signals.

Before these practices, life around food and my body were hard. I was:

• Needing to be perfect to feel good enough.

• Believing that I needed a thin body to be successful.

• Validating myself based on what others thought of me and my performance.

• Exhausted and frustrated.

• Feeling unfulfilled.

As my body image changed, I became more willing to create and run businesses that were closer to my heart and allowed me to share myself with more passion and confidence. Here are some concrete things that allowed me to change the trajectory of my career:

• I had more time and energy to focus on my business because I was no longer preoccupied, worried, or obsessing over food.

• I felt more confidence and trust in myself because I was no longer dieting and failing at dieting.

• I saw my body as a source of wisdom and started to care for it deeply. This means I started to slow down instead of being hooked on the busyness that left me feeling exhausted.

• I know what alignment feels like and what out of alignment feels like. I can distinguish between the two because I practice being present and grounded in my body.

I have a vision of female leaders that have reclaimed their time, energy, and inner wisdom to focus on what matters most to them. They’ve taken it back from dieting, emotional eating, and their negative body image.

They’ve done this because they’ve changed their body image. For women to truly thrive and feel fulfilled in their careers, they need to have a connection to their bodies.

This is why I’ve created a quiz, Is your body image holding you back professionally?

This quiz will likely take you less than 5 minutes. You'll find out if your body image is holding you back, weighing you down or if you feel pretty free around your body.

You can take it here.

Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin

I’d like to invite you to a free to attend webinar on this topic. See details below. 

There was a time in my life when I believed that I'd feel comfortable in my own skin when my body was thinner. I had this fantasy that when I finally lost weight that my whole life would fall into place. I'd feel more confident at work. I'd feel cuter and more attractive. I’d be relaxed around what I was eating because my body had finally reached my goal weight. 

In my mind, feeling comfortable in my own skin was a goal to achieve, something I needed to earn. And my reward for my hard work was that I’d be happy, attractive and comfortable with my life. 

If that fantasy had become a reality, my story would have stopped there. I would have declared victory and moved on. 

I never reached this goal. Not even close. The harder I worked at thinness, the less confident, attractive and relaxed I felt. 

Clearly, my understanding of what it took to be comfortable in my own skin was faulty. I was focused on the wrong things. Primarily because I had been promised that weight loss would make me happy.  

I can't recall the exact day I started feeling comfortable in my own skin. At first, it came in small moments of peace while I was lying in savasana after a sweaty yoga class. Those moments became more frequent. I noticed them when I felt so satisfied after eating a meal that tasted delicious to me, when I felt confident, passionate and nervous while giving a talk in front of a large group. I noticed ease while getting dressed in clothes that I liked wearing. 

As things started to click, I could tell when I felt comfortable in my own skin and when I didn’t. I could practice living inside of my body or I could live outside of my body. One way felt peaceful and one way filled me with anxiety.  

Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin can look and act like this: 

- Weighing yourself and letting the number determine how you feel that day. 

- Exercising intensely because of what or how much you ate. 

- Comparing your body to those around you. 

- Looking at your reflection in the mirror and only seeing what's wrong. 

- Consuming social media pictures that make you feel like your body isn't enough. 

As an intuitive eating counselor and yoga teacher, I know practicing feeling comfortable in your own skin has a big impact on your confidence, self esteem and your relationship with food. It’s possible to feel at peace in your body and know in your heart that no matter what your size, shape or health that your body is a good body. 

This is why I’m excited to invite you to my upcoming webinar. I’ll be sharing with you:

• What's really going on around why you feel so dissatisfied with your body. 

• Three things you can do right away that will start to change how you feel in your body. 

• Why feeling comfortable in your own skin is a practice and not a destination. 

• Guidance on your own body image journey. 

This one hour webinar, Feeling Comfortable In Your Own Skin,  is free to attend. If you sign up and can’t attend in person, you can purchase the recording for $25. 

Sign up here:

Wednesday, July 27th at 5pm EST, 2pm PST

Thursday, July 28th at 12pm EST, 9am PST 

Proving Is to Perfectionism As Dieting Is to Thinness

All humans want to belong and feel worthy of connection. 

Diet culture tells us that thin bodies are healthier, more attractive, successful and lovable. 

The cultural narrative from the patriarchy is that women need to do it all and have it all under control. 

Feeling worthy of belonging isn’t something we need to earn. However, we’ve been told we need to be thin and perfect to feel successful, worthy and lovable. 

I call this the Promise of the Thin and Perfect. 

The Promise of the Thin and Perfect has been in place for generations. We were born into it. So were our parents. And grandparents. We haven’t known any other way to feel good about ourselves except to pursue thinness (or maintain it) and perfectionism. 

The assumption is something is wrong. 

Your body is wrong if it’s not thin enough. 

You’re wrong unless you show the world you have your shit together. 

Dieting and proving are ways to fix. 

Dieting is a way we try to fix our bodies. When restricting food and increasing exercise, we hope for a thin body. 

Proving is a way of showing those around us (and even ourselves) that we are enough. 

We've been given a harmful solution. 

Dieting leads to long term weight gain, reduces metabolism, and makes dieters more susceptible to eating disorders. 

Dieting also makes dieters feel like a failure, robs them of time and energy and distracts them from what's more important in their life. 

Proving is fuckin' exhausting. When proving, you can never do enough. As a result, you rarely carve out time to care for yourself or tune into your needs. Proving leads to burn out. 

When proving, you will only feel good about yourself when others validate you. 

Dieting and proving only offer faux safety and faux control. 

If dieting and proving were a valid solution, you would reliably feel peaceful, connected and satisfied. 

Instead, you likely feel like you’re on a gerbil wheel and can’t get off. 

Because diet culture tells you dieting works and you’re encouraged to show the world the put together version of yourself, you likely feel trapped. 

You keep trying to diet better and prove harder. 

We’ve been duped. The Promise of the Thin and Perfect has always been broken. 

It was NEVER designed to make you feel worthy and successful. It was only designed to leave you distracted, feeling like a failure and most importantly, disconnected from your body. 

Dieting is a way of proving. Thinness is a form of perfectionism. 

They are cut from the same cloth. 

You can only feel peaceful and connected, attractive, and worthy when you're connected to your body. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. This is what my second book is about! Does it land for you? 

5 Reasons You're Always Thinking About Food

When I ask clients how often they think about food,  they answer “all the time”. 

I know how exhausting that is. Years ago, my first thought in the morning was “how can i be good (with food) today?”. I’d design my whole day around the goal of eating the right foods and avoiding the wrong ones. I put so much effort into doing everything I could to not eat too much. 

Inevitably, when I put my head on the pillow at night, I’d think, “how can tomorrow be different?”. 

I’d wake up the next morning with the same goals, the same thoughts and the same food obsessions. 

If you can relate, you likely believe that thinking about food all of the time is a sacrifice you need to make. This is the mentality we all have when we’re working toward our goals. When you wanted to do well on an exam, you knew you needed to study. When you signed up for that road race, you knew you needed to train for weeks and months before. To get certain results, you need to put the effort in. 

As you consider the time you’re spending thinking about food, are you getting the results you’ve been hoping for? 

In my experience and those of my clients, obsessing about food just left us feeling like a failure. And feeling like we’re on a gerbil wheel that we can never get off of. 

This is why I want to share with you a few reasons why you’ve been obsessing about food so you can understand what is really happening. 

1. You're not eating enough. 

One of the ways our bodies are brilliant at sharing hunger signals with us is to partner with our brains. Some early signals can be when we start to think about food, ideas like… “do i still have leftovers from last night?” “Do we have eggs in the fridge?” When you're not eating enough, your brain is going to let you know that you need more food. This is your body’s way of ensuring you’re getting enough calories to be well nourished and in balance. 

When you’re not eating enough during the day, it’s common to overeat in the afternoon and evening. This is your body’s way of catching up to get enough nourishment during the day.

2. You’re trying to avoid certain foods. 

What happens when you tell someone they can’t have something? They want it even more. This is the natural human response when our brain is triggered by scarcity. If you’ve been trying to avoid sugar or carbs, for example, you’re essentially activating the part of your brain to desire those foods and seek them out. Which in turn means you’re spending even more time thinking about that food. 

3. You're feeling guilty about what and how much you're eating. 

Guilt has a way of staying with you long after you’ve eaten the “wrong” food. You may notice thoughts like “why did I eat that?”, “I shouldn’t have done that, I know better”. Guilt is uncomfortable and takes a lot of headspace. 

You may even notice that when you feel guilty about what you’ve eaten, you then spend even more time thinking about how you can “fix” the mistake you made with your food choice. The guilt just fuels the cycle of restriction and preoccupation with food.  

4. You keep trying to find the right diet. 

Diet culture tells us there is a weight loss solution if  we work it hard enough. So, it’s not surprising that 

you believe the right diet is out there and you just haven’t found it. 

It’s like you have an antennae up, ears piqued, eyes searching for that one “thing” that could finally work for you when it comes to weight loss. You may be spending time scrolling your social feed, browsing magazines in the grocery store line, or asking those folks who share their weight loss publicly- “what did you do?”. 

5. You believe you need to lose weight. 

It’s not your fault you believe this. Diet culture glorifies thin bodies and tells us that only thin bodies are attractive. 

When you’re judging your body, you find a lot of ways to criticize it. If your clothes aren’t fitting, this discomfort may take your attention like a pebble in your shoe would. You may be comparing your body to other people’s bodies. You may be so fearful of other people judging your body that you put a lot of time and energy trying to hide your body. 

These are a few reasons food is always on your mind. Now that you know, you have options. Dieting and food restriction will not lead you to feeling peaceful. It’s not worth the sacrifice of your precious headspace. 

Client Case Study: Passionate Entrepreneur Stops Dieting, Expands Her Business and Accepts Her Body

After spending a few years practicing Intuitive Eating on her own, Allison (not her real name) came to me because she noticed a few challenges that she couldn’t solve on her own. She was still doing some night time eating, even though she knew she wasn't hungry. She also came home from a recent vacation with her family and had a really hard time seeing pictures of herself. She wanted a better self-image of her body. 

Allison and I worked together for 12 sessions. Here are some of the tools and guidance I offered her. 

Tuning into Needs

Allison is incredibly focused and loves working hard in the business she’s so passionate about. Yet, she was putting her families and clients needs ahead of her own. Most days, she would choose to work without a break for lunch. At the end of the day, she felt depleted, exhausted and resentful. As Allison started to recognize her need for space and rest, she found it easier to make caring for herself a priority.  

Awareness of Hunger

One of the side effects of dieting is putting off and dismissing hunger signals. I shared with her what hunger signals to look for. As Allison increased her awareness around hunger, she realized that she was waiting too long to eat. As she started to eat when she felt pleasantly hungry, she started to enjoy her meals more. 

Letting Go of the Shoulds

Allison noticed she was carrying over some old food rules that had her feeling guilty. As she noticed them, named them and let them go, she gave herself permission to create her own habits and patterns around food that fit her life and schedule. 

Slowing Down to Connect

Allison noticed how her life felt like a sprint and she was always short on time. She started to use some grounding and breathing exercises that helped her slow down and tune into her body. She also gave herself permission to have more space in her days so she could enjoy time with her family and friends. 

Body Image Upgrade

By tuning into her self-talk, Allison realized that she was worried that she was gaining weight. This was a pattern of thinking she had since she was young. When she noticed it, she was able to challenge the belief and bring her thinking back to the present moment. Now, she no longer has this inaccurate thought plaguing her and she feels a lot lighter. 

Noticing Body Sensations

Using a few different techniques and approaches, Allison found a way to notice sensations in her body. This awakening has helped her tune into simple signals from the body like when she feels energized and passionate and when she feels depleted. She’s able to use this awareness around self-care, but also in her business and relationships. 

Favorite Mantra

“Where your focus goes, energy flows” really resonated with her because she acknowledged the choice that she always has to change and shift what she’s focused on. 

As we were winding down our time together, Allison shared that she saw some pictures of her and her family over the Easter holiday. Instead of the dread she felt from seeing the family vacation pictures a few shorts months ago, she felt neutral. She described it as saying to herself “Oh, that’s me.” And it barely impacted her. 

Now that she’s practicing embodiment and has a deeper practice of intuitive eating, Allison’s felt even more free around food and has been able to focus her energy on her family and her sleep consulting business. She’s been able to expand her business by hiring resources and outsourcing pieces that were exhausting her. She’s even given herself time on Fridays for downtime, hikes with friends and self-care. 

A Simple Solution to Nighttime Overeating

You want to stop eating at night, but know this first

My client Lauren (not her real name) comes home from work starving, feeling like dinner can’t come soon enough. After dinner, she just keeps eating. She hates that she doesn’t taste the food she’s eating. After a long and busy day, this was the time for her to finally relax. And she was just numbing out with food (her words, not mine). 

At the end of the night, Lauren feels really guilty for overeating. One of the common reactions people have when they feel guilty about what they’ve eaten is to make a plan to do better next time. 

The plan can include things like: 

Tomorrow, I’ll work out (harder, longer).  

I’m going to drink more water. 

I’ll skip breakfast and not eat until noon. 

I’ll avoid all carbs. 

But here is what’s really happening. As Lauren and I reviewed what she was eating on a typical day, she shared that even though she ate breakfast, she was eating a light lunch with no carbohydrates. She only had a small piece of fruit before her dinner around 7 pm. 

If you’re eating like Lauren is, you’re not giving your body enough nourishment during the day. 

When dinner time comes, your body demands that you make up for the deficit. That’s why nighttime eating feels so urgent, like someone or something has taken over your body. In some ways, that’s exactly what’s happening. Your hunger is beyond comfortable. This is why it’s hard to pay attention to what you’re eating and how your food tastes. Another factor is that at the end of the day, you’re tired and no longer have the busyness of your day to distract you from hunger. As you wind down, you don’t have the energy to fight off the hunger signals any longer. And, as you slow down and start to wind down, you start to notice the sensations in your body with more acuteness. 

Without realizing it, nighttime overeating can be a painful cycle. You’re trying to be good during the day and eating the “right” foods. Or, you’re not taking the time to eat enough. As a result, at dinner time, you have to eat more. The guilt and even shame you feel for overeating may drive you to restrict what you’re eating the next day. Come dinner time, you’re back where you started. Overeating at night. 

There is a simple solution to break this cycle. Eat 75% of the nourishment you need before 5 pm. If you think about your day in terms of quarters, you need most of your nourishment before dinner time. Here are some ideas: 

As you consider each meal and snack, try including protein and carbohydrates. Despite the latest diet craze that demonizes carbs, we need carbohydrates to properly fuel our bodies. 

Eat breakfast. 

Eat lunch. 

Add in a mid-morning snack and a mid-afternoon snack. 

If this is a big change for you, take your time. Make small changes over time. Or, if you feel uncertain or a bit nervous about making this change, experiment for 5 days and see how it goes for you.

If eating the majority of your calories before 5pm feels impossible, let me offer you another option. Forgive yourself for night time eating. It’s not the end of the world that you’re overeating at night. Honor your body for knowing how to stay in balance. And don’t beat yourself up when you do it. 

Earning vs. Deserving

the mindset shift that will heal your relationship with food and your body

My high school softball coach had a sign in her office; “The harder you work, the luckier you get.” These words became my mantra. And then I made them true.  In all areas of my life but one. When I worked hard, I was rewarded. I worked hard and got lucky on the field, at school and in the office. 

I tried for decades to apply this “work hard and good luck will come” mentality to my body and weight loss.  And diet culture agreed and cheered me on.  I believed I just needed more discipline to stay away from forbidden foods, better time management skills to prep meals for the week, and energy to exercise and work out to burn calories. 

Yet, it never worked for me. And it probably isn’t working for you either. Here’s why: 

Diet culture markets their products by telling us that a thinner body will make them feel confident and happy. We see pictures of people that have tried and “been successful” using their product in a slim body, nice clothes with an attractive friend or partner.  

We’ve been sold and told that the only way to be happy is to earn it by achieving a thin body. 

It’s okay to earn our accomplishments. But we don’t need to earn happiness, confidence and peace. 

Yet, what breaks my heart is the underlying belief I hear in my clients stories over and over again. They feel like they need to earn fundament things like: 

Rest

Nourishment

Peace

Ease

Relaxation

Contentment

Because we live in a culture that tells us that if our body isn’t acceptable, we need to:

1. Work hard to achieve one that is with sacrifice and hard work. 

2. Forgo basic needs until it is acceptable. 

When we need to earn our happiness because of our body size, we are just sacrificing the quality of our lives. Again and again. 

The only person that can give you what you desire is you. We don’t need to earn a happy life. 

What are you waiting for? When you retire? When you’ve finally lost those 10 lbs that you’ve been trying to lose for the past 15 years? When you have a perfect food day? When you’ve burned enough calories? 

The earning mentality has been instilled in us and we need to shift it to knowing we deserve care and respect. We deserve love. Simply because we exist. 

You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin no matter what. You deserve rest. You deserve to feel satiated. You deserve to enjoy the food you eat. You deserve to feel safe.

Why Diets Take Women’s Power Away... On Purpose

It doesn’t take an in depth history lesson to know that power has been intentionally withheld from women. Look at voting rights, property ownership and wage disparities, among just a few things. 

When it comes to the power that everyone can have within themselves, power is the ability to have autonomy over your own body and choices.

Attention has always been placed on women’s beauty and in the late 20th century, the thin body ideal was formed as a way of valuing thin women as feminine and attractive. Over time, the value system shifted to include health and success as other attributes to thinness.  

We’ve been sold and told that for a woman to be successful, attractive, and healthy, they need to be thin. 

Most women don’t even question this belief because it’s woven into the fabric of our culture. When a belief is formed and reinforced over and over, it’s very difficult to consider a different way of thinking. 

Diet culture is the force that reinforces this belief and then offers people a solution; diets. Diet culture is what fuels the $70 billion dollar weight loss industry that keeps growing and expanding. 

Diet culture convinces people that dieting and food restriction is an effective way to lose weight and be healthy. 

When in fact, dieting and food restriction has been well researched and regarded as being only effective at long term weight gain. 

But I think you know this. If diets were really effective, wouldn’t you have lost weight on the first one you went on, kept it off and never needed another one? 

And here is where the deception comes in. When folks diet, they… 

• Feel like a failure and blame themselves. 

• Spend countless hours a day obsessing about food and their body weight. 

• Change social plans if they’ve eaten the wrong thing or don’t feel good about their body. 

• Feel body shame and want to hide. 

• Are exhausted and depleted. 

• Become disconnected from their body which often leaves them feeling numb. 

• Lose trust in themselves and look for external validation (like the number on the scale) to feel good about themselves. 

If your body doesn’t conform to the thin body ideal, you’ve been told your body isn’t good enough. It’s not feminine, attractive or healthy. 

The social structure then tells you how to fix your body with diets, clean eating, restriction of food groups and trying to control what you eat. 

If you’ve been dieting to have a better body, you’ve been doing everything that our culture tells you to do. 

But our culture, diet culture and the system that takes away power from women (the patriarchy), has been giving you a solution that’s only harming you. And it’s done on purpose. 

When you’re exhausted, obsessing about food, and feeling like shit because you just stepped on the scale, are you able to… 

• feel happy, 

• engage fully in your life, 

• pursue your passions and dreams, 

• and trust in yourself and your own abilities? 

Of course not. And this is why dieting is a money making tool that takes away women’s choice and power. 

What Happened When My Clothes Stopped Fitting

I’m waiting for my new jeans from Universal Standard to be delivered any moment now. I dropped off 4 pairs of jeans at the local consignment shop because they no longer fit me. 

I’m giving myself permission to wear clothes that fit me well and that I like to wear. 

AND, this has been hard. 

I’ve been recognizing this old voice inside of me. She was asking What did I do wrong? Am I not tuned into my body enough? Should I be exercising more? Am I not drinking enough water? 

As I was processing this over the past few days, at the heart of what I was asking myself is: Have I failed?

After years of practicing intuitive eating and coaching my clients to do the same, it’s important for you to know that I still was temporarily hooked by the thin body ideal. That part of me is seeing my body as something that’s wrong because my jeans no longer fit. This old voice wants to fix what I see as broken. 

I compassionately observed my thinking around this and noticed a few emotions that came up. Guilt and hopelessness. It felt like I was trapped and there was only one way out (needing to fix my body). 

I recognized these familiar feelings. In the past, I had used these feelings as motivation for what I thought was “positive” change. But motivation that comes from shame doesn’t last. 

Letting go of clothes that don’t fit was a proactive and bold move on my part. In the past, I was hoping they would be a reminder of what was possible (being thinner). But that never motivated me either. 

Some new questions to consider for myself popped in: 

What if I did nothing wrong? 

What if I don’t need to be doing it right? 

I felt this liberation emerge in my body. When I’m not attached to the definitions of right or wrong around food and body weight that diet culture created for me, I’m free to choose what works for me. 

I didn’t need to battle with the reaction of “I need to fix my body”, I just needed to notice it. 

Exploring this freedom around my body became light and fun. 

The questions continued… 

What if I was so free from expectations around my body that I could just love it so much? 

I could treat it without limits or restrictions, without complacency or history. I wouldn’t need my body to be anything to anyone, I could just be free to live inside of it. I could just care for it. 

My body has been through a lot in the past 5 years. I made some major professional changes (including publishing my book), had two surgeries, and like everyone, have been living through a pandemic. 

Which is why I’m so open to this deeper level of healing. It was time for me to gently process some of these emotions and let them go, just like I let go of these old jeans.  

If you’re like me, and your clothes don’t fit, consider letting them go and investing in some that do. Doing so may bring you the liberation and love you’ve been looking for.

This is Why Positive Body Talk Isn’t Working for You..... try this instead

Body shame is so painful. And most people are experiencing it. It can feel like a heavy blanket that’s just hard to take off. You feel it when you see a picture of yourself from your recent weekend away. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection in a window. When you’re getting dressed in the morning. When you see a picture of a younger version of yourself. Or you notice a friend or co-worker that has a smaller body. 

It’s nearly impossible to escape when you hate your body and wish it were smaller, leaner and fitter. 

Of course you want to think positively about yourself. You wish you could say something like: I love my body just as it is. But saying that doesn’t feel true to you. Your whole being likely objects and your mind starts to negotiate with that statement. You may think, I’ll love my body when I lose x pounds. I’ll love my body when I can fit into those jeans. 

This is one of the reasons positive body talk doesn’t work for you. You don’t believe it. 

You may think, well, if I say enough positive things about my body, will I eventually believe that my body is worth loving? 

I’ll let you answer that. If you’ve tried it, has it improved your body image? Or, is it really hard to talk to yourself that way? 

In my experience, the most effective approach to working with negative self talk is to be a gentle witness to your thoughts. 

The reason this is effective: 

• It takes much less effort and energy and therefore it’s easier to practice. 

• You’re not creating an internal battle within yourself. 

• Where your focus goes, energy grows. When you become a gentle witness to these thoughts, you’re no longer fueling the painful thoughts. You can allow them to be just as they are. 

As if you're standing on a sidewalk and watching a car drive by, you notice these thoughts without any judgment of them. 

As you become a gentle witness, these thoughts no longer become personal. Saying “my body is disgusting.” can feel like a personal attack. But when you simply notice that thought, with the knowledge that every thought is not true, you can just let that thought be. It can feel the same as saying to yourself, “my shoe is untied” or “my hands are cold”. Thoughts can be neutral. And when they are neutral, they have no painful power over you.  

Thoughts only have power when we give them meaning. When you’re a gentle witness of your negative body talk, these thoughts can come to the surface, you can notice them, and then they pass. 

As you practice this over time, you’ll find that being a gentle witness takes less energy and time. 

The result: 

How you think and feel about your body changes, without your body changing at all. 

I Thought Self-Care Was Bullshit

Until this changed my mind

I used to hate the idea of self-care. I thought it was complete and utter bullshit. Bubble baths. Spa days. Pedicures. A big glass of red wine. When I talked to women about how they took care of themselves, the typical response was "I don't have time for that." They were waiting for the rare weekend they had a few moments without family or work responsibilities or the week-long beach vacation to check that self-care box off their to-do list. 

I also wondered why self-care was just marketed to women. Every other email I received from wellness publications and health coaches beat the self-care drum. Why didn’t my kids need self-care? Why wasn't my husband concerned about having enough time for himself? My skeptical brain saw self-care as another thing women could feel guilty about because they couldn’t fit into their busy schedules.

Self-care seemed like fluff that busy, working women had no time for. 

But yet, I know that everyone, regardless of gender or age, needs time for rest and play. Humans weren't put on this earth to be working machines. Downtime isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. I just couldn't get on board with how self-care was talked about and presented to me. 

My mind changed around self-care when I understood two things. 

Firstly, self-care isn't about what you do, but about prioritizing caring for yourself and seeing yourself as worth caring for. You’re worthy of proper health care and getting enough sleep, among many other things. 

A friend confided in me that she hadn't seen a dentist for over 5 years while she was raising her young children and working in corporate America. Boy, I get that. I'm sure her kids didn’t miss a check-up at their pediatricians and I'm sure her boss loved that she rarely missed a deadline. But, it took her a long while to sort out that having her teeth cleaned and caring for herself was a priority only she could make. Her husband wasn't booking that appointment for her. Her boss wasn't scooting her out the door at 2 pm on a Tuesday. She needed to do that herself. 

Secondly, self-care extends well beyond freshly painted toenails and tinted eyebrows. Both of those things make me feel better. But you know what supports me? Allowing myself to rest when I’m tired. Having regular conversations with my body and asking her what she needs at this moment. Sitting in stillness regularly and allowing new ideas to pop in. Trusting myself. Booking an appointment for my yearly skin scan with my dermatologist. Taking a long shower. 

Self-care isn’t about what it looks like, it’s about how it feels. 

Your relationship with food can be self-care. 

When clients come to me, they feel disconnected from their bodies when it comes to food and exercise. They’ve been on dozens of diets and are trying to eat the “right” thing. What's really happening is they are punishing their body and they're using food and exercise as weapons. 

Giving your body enough food is caring for your body. Choosing foods you enjoy is an act of love. Feeling satisfied after a meal is self-care. When you're caring for yourself, guilt and shame get replaced with self-compassion. 

If you’ve been avoiding or have been critical of the idea of self-care like I was, join me in a mind shift. Your relationship with food and exercise is an awesome place to start. 

Here are some of just a few ways you can bring in new self-care practices: 

• Stop weighing yourself. 

• Give yourself permission to eat a variety of foods. 

• Discover what types of movement you enjoy and feel good to you. 

• Notice when you feel tired and let yourself rest or nap. 

• Take a few moments every day to be outside. 

• Start to tune in to hunger signals. This article may help. 

• Create a morning routine. This article may help. 

• If you’ve been dieting regularly, become aware of the negative emotional and physical side effects. Learn more here. 

Self-care isn't a box to check off. Its transformational. Take it from this once skeptic.  

Has Your Relationship with Food Defined You?

Here is a question for you… 

Who do you get to be when you’re not struggling with food and your weight? 

Your mind may search for the time in your life when food and weight wasn’t a struggle. Were you in high school and filling up (and fueling up) on Doritos, Diet Coke and Ding Dongs without a second thought? Were you in middle school, happily eating from your Scooby Doo lunch box? 

This question may be a complete mind-bend for you, and I get why. You may not recall a time in your life when food wasn’t a struggle. 

Sitting with this may open the door just a crack to new possibilities. Imagine moving through your day when you're not worried about what you’re eating. Imagine not tracking calories eaten or burned on your phone or ever stepping on the scale again. Imagine how present you are with your loved ones when your mind isn’t so busy thinking about food. 

If you can, sit in the feeling for a few moments. Notice how your body responds to this different way of being. 

You may not know what it’s like to not struggle with food because of your past. But you can start to change how you think about yourself around food today so you can open up a new future.

Why Community, Unlearning and Mindfulness Are So Important on Your Intuitive Eating Journey

Note: I want to share why I’m offering my upcoming small Food Freedom Group Coaching program. This program will begin in the middle of April. You can find out more information here. 

I was always a secret dieter. My mind was always filled with ideas of how to lose weight, but I rarely shared those plans with friends or family. So when I overate, ate the wrong foods, or binged, I just assumed that I was the only one failing so miserably. 

Believing it was “just me” that couldn’t lose weight and keep it off was pretty crazy-making. I’d often reflect on what it was about me that was so wrong. Was it genetics? Was I not disciplined enough? Was it my childhood? Was I an addict? 

On one hand, assuming I was wrongly unique made me feel like nothing could fix me and my eating issues. On the other hand, I couldn't stop trying to find a solution. I didn't want to believe that I had to live with my eating struggles for the rest of my life. 

Juicing hadn’t worked, even though Kris Carr promised it would. Smoothie fasts didn’t work, even though wellness warriors told me I’d feel cleansed, clear, and energized. 

When I found Intuitive Eating, I didn’t share that with anyone either. Quite honestly, I didn’t realize the incredible gift I had stumbled upon at the time. But, since I was trying anything and everything to stop feeling so out of control around food, Intuitive Eating was the next obvious choice. 

I can only best describe my early intuitive eating journey as having one foot in and one foot out. Although I’ve never shared this with anyone, I even picked up a Keto diet book and started to follow the high protein low carb lifestyle while I was practicing intuitive eating. Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a home blood sugar monitor in my bathroom closet that I bought at the time to determine if I was In ketosis or not! That was a fun item to toss in the trash can. 

I know now that if I had hired someone that knew about intuitive eating to help me along, my journey to food freedom would likely have been smoother and quicker. But, I also know that if I had, I may not have picked up all of the other tools and insights like transformational principles, yoga, energy healing, and mindfulness that I needed to help me along the way. My process was perfect because it led me to where I am now. 

Which is why I can reflect back on my own journey and see what someone like you, who may be in the early stages of your food freedom journey, needs and could benefit from so you can move along your process with more grace and ease. 

One of the most important things I believe folks need is a sense of community. We're steeped in diet culture, where dieting, restricted eating, wellness = weight loss, and intermittent fasting is normalized. Intuitive eating is a non-diet approach that allows you to tune into the sensations of your body to eat to the lovely feeling of satisfaction. While you’re practicing intuitive eating, you’ll likely hear co-workers talk about their latest diet, you’ll see calories on menus when you go out to eat, and you’ll see weight loss before and after ads in your Instagram feed. It’s so important that you surround yourself with people that are on the same journey you're on. You’ll find strength and solace in a safe group setting. 

The other thing I think people need is space to practice and experiment in real-time. We live in a world with access to SO much information. If you have a question, you can find the answer within seconds on your phone. But, does information really move you to action? I often hear, "I know what to do, but I just can’t do it". You’re saturated with way too much information on food, nutrition, how to lose weight, and exercise. You need to unlearn what’s not helpful and take the time to practice. 

And lastly, when it comes to food and your body, you need more space. When I was struggling with food, I was moving a million miles an hour. I wasn’t paying attention to my body, how I was feeling and what I was eating. Most of what I was doing felt like I was checking a box on my to-do list. This is really common among my clients too. We all have busy lives. Yet, most folks aren’t prioritizing how they care for their bodies. All of their other responsibilities like family and work come before their own basic needs. 

In my upcoming Food Freedom Group Coaching program, I’m designing each of the 90-minute calls to include these three necessities; connecting with other people through sharing and supporting, real-time experiential practices, and mindfulness and grounding exercises. 

If this program is coming to you at the right time on your food freedom journey, I’d love for you to join me. I’m accepting a maximum of 8 people. We start on Tuesday, April 12th. The cost is $250 a month for three months. If you have any questions, feel free to email me at tara@tara-whitney.com. 

Mindful Eating Is So Much More than Chewing 50 Times

I’m hosting a free webinar called Mindful Eating: Bringing Peace and Presence to Your Relationship with Food on Thursday, March 10th at 12 pm EST. Here is why I’m so excited to be offering this. 

I first learned about mindful eating at a yoga retreat at Kripalu with Bryan Kest. There were a few hundred yogis packed into a large hall with a massively high ceiling. We all spread out on the floor, sitting on our mats and bolsters. 

Bryan shared his ideas about mindfulness and yoga and even advised us to chew our food 50 times before swallowing. 

At the time, Bryan’s advice came to me when trying to control my weight was a top priority. I had taken meat out of my diet. I tried eating a vegan diet. I was even dabbling in raw foods. I had studied Ayurveda and designed my diet around my doshas. I hadn’t tried mindful eating. In my mind, I wondered; could this be what I was doing wrong? Was I eating too much because I was eating too fast? 

There is no doubt, I started practicing mindful eating for weight loss. This is the common and popular marketing tactic clinicians and coaches use when they offer mindful eating classes. They imply that when you slow down while eating, you’ll eat less. 

While it definitely took me longer to eat my meals when I was following Bryan’s advice, I’m not sure if I ate less. I certainly paid a lot more attention to what I was eating. At times, I even got bored. Eating felt like work.  

Thanks to my early days of practicing mindful eating, I woke up a muscle of tuning into the experience of eating. Yes, I went to the extreme.  But after spending years eating lunch at my desk at work and snacking in my car, this extra attention served me well. 

If you’re considering practicing mindful eating, you may be wondering if it needs to have the laborious and painful beginnings that my practice did. Do you need to spend a weekend at a yoga retreat to learn how? Do you need to spend over 30 minutes at each meal? Does mindful eating require soooo much chewing? 

In my opinion, no. It doesn’t. 

I learned mindful eating with all the wrong intentions. I didn’t want to enjoy food more. I just wanted to eat less. I wasn’t looking for more richness and enjoyable taste. I was trying to make my body smaller. Now, my relationship with food and body has evolved so that I care for my body deeply, which includes the foods I choose and how I take the time to eat them all. 

Tuning in to your eating experience is much more than chewing. It starts way before you even sit down to eat. Mindful eating is a practice of tuning into your mind and body. 

This is why I’m excited to share with you my free to attend webinar called Mindful Eating: Bringing Peace and Presence to Your Relationship with Food on Thursday, March 10th at 12 pm EST. 

I want to share with you mindful eating while considering the principles of Intuitive Eating. This means you’ll be learning how to eat mindfully to create more joy and satisfaction in your experience of eating. 

If this speaks to you, I’d love for you to join me. We will be eating together on this call. Don’t worry. You can do this with your camera off. Here is the sign up link. 

5 Lies We Hear From Diet Culture (and the truth)

Lie #1- 

There is a diet out there that will help you lose weight, you just haven’t found it yet. 

Truth #1: 

There is no intentional way to permanently lose weight. Only 5% of diets result in long term weight loss. 

Lie #2: 

You could lose weight if you had more time and energy to dedicate to your diet. 

Truth #2: 

Diets only result in long term weight gain. This lie is one of the many ways diet culture blames dieters when diets fail. 

Lie #3: 

The sacrifice of your time and energy for weight loss is worth it. 

Truth #3: 

This is a way diet culture motivates you to continue dieting. Many dieters spend most of their waking hours thinking about food, time they can never get back. 

Lie #4: 

You’ll be happier when you're thin. 

Truth #4: 

Consider a time when you did lose weight. Were you happier? Were you relaxed? Did you feel at ease in your body? Most people share with me that when they’ve lost weight in the past, they still felt anxious and worried about their body weight. They didn’t feel happier.

Lie #5: 

If you haven’t lost weight and kept it off, you just don’t want it badly enough. 

Truth #5: 

You can’t succeed at something that’s designed for your inevitable failure. This is another way diet culture blames the dieter and coaxes them to find a new diet. 

If you’re just starting to learn about diet culture, hop over to Christy Harrison’s definition here- https://christyharrison.com/blog/what-is-diet-culture

Second Guessing Food Choices is Fuckin' Exhausting

You're out to dinner.

Before you even pick up the menu, you think- what's the healthiest thing I can order?

You look at the salad section. Healthy choices there! Cobb salad or Chicken Casaer? Ugg. Is cheese okay? Is bacon okay? How about croutons?

Actually. You don't even want a salad. You had a salad for lunch. Plus, it's freakin' cold out. The last thing you want to eat is something cold.

You ask your friends. What are they ordering? You don't want to be the only one at the table that doesn't order a salad.

You start to look at the sandwiches. This restaurant has the BEST sweet potato fries. But, what's up with all of those calories? Does a grilled chicken sandwich really have that many calories? Uggh.

You look around the restaurant to see what other people have ordered.

Steak? No. Salmon? Oh. That could work. But they are serving it with potatoes. Too many carbs.

How about a soup? Shoot. They only have French Onion. Ugg. Sounds good but way too heavy. Not healthy.

While the rest of your friends are chatting and catching up on life, you're going through the mental gymnastics of ordering your dinner. You're missing out. And it's straight out exhausting.

What's going on?

Two things.

1. You're trying to follow food rules to be good.

2. You are missing the internal cues that offer you guidance on what would taste good, feel great in your body and what you'd enjoy eating.

When following external (diet or health) rules, all of your decisions making is outside of you. That's why you second guess yourself. You're not confident. This is really exhausting.

You left the restaurant overfilled but still feeling empty.

When you tune in to the information that comes from the inside (hunger, fullness, satisfaction, preference), you can make food choices with ease.

You'll be free to enjoy dinner out with friends.

What If You Stopped Trying to Lose Weight?

This post isn't for everyone. But if you're tired, exhausted and frustrated with battling with your body around food, then read on. 

You may be thinking… 

What? No. I couldn't possibly do that. 

If you’ve been trying to lose weight for as long as you can remember, I realize asking you to stop doing something that you’ve been doing for most of your life may feel uncomfortable. 

It may feel foreign. As if you lived in northern Maine your whole life and then you moved to Miami. 

You may object to not TRYING to lose weight because you don’t feel good at your current weight. 

Of course you want to feel good. Let’s consider what’s going on around us. 

If you’ve ever been at a lower weight, people paid attention to you. They encouraged you and your lower weight. It feels good when people approve of us. (btw- take this even deeper; when loved ones approve of us, we feel safe and a sense of belonging.) 

Not only that, we receive messages from our culture that thin bodies are more attractive. Our medical community and wellness culture tells us that thin bodies are healthier. 

You may even believe that you’ll feel more successful in your life if your body was thinner. 

We live in a world with weight bias. This means that the world rewards thin bodies and harms fat bodies. This bias is everywhere. In our homes, schools, work, doctor's offices, and social media feeds. 

Fat people aren't treated well. Of course you wouldn't want to live in a world where you aren't treated well. 

BUT (you knew this was coming, right?). Has TRYING to lose weight helped you to lose weight? 

Or, has trying to lose weight made you feel like a failure? Has it made you obsess about food? Has it eroded your confidence and peace of mind? Has it cost you a lot of time, energy and money with NO results? 

Here is the truth: 

We’ve been told our body is the problem. In fact, our body is the solution. 

Trying to lose weight has disconnected you from your body. You’ve separated yourself from it. That’s why trying to lose weight feels so exhausting and frustrating. You’ve been living at a distance from the one thing that will offer you the success, joy and peace you’ve been seeking. 

It may feel like too much for you to stop trying to lose weight right now. So, here is my invitation to you: 

Put weight loss on hold. Just for today. Or just for this week. Just for this month. 

When you consider that idea, how does your body react? Does it relax? Do you feel a sense of ease and relief? That's a yes. 

Let Go of Fear-based Eating

From day 135, Intuitive Eating for Every Day

Do you ever worry that a meal, dessert, or snack just harmed your health? 

Did that slice of bread trigger an inflammatory response? 

Or did that piece of chocolate spike your insulin levels? 

Diet culture sends messages all of the time around what's determined to be dangerous, health-harming, inflammatory foods. 

Whether this information is true or not, consider how fearing foods impacts your relationship with food and your health. 

When we experience fear, we’re anxious and worried. This stress impacts our emotional well-being. Stress triggers an inflammatory response (by the way, inflammation is a natural way our body responds, heals, and protects). 

Feeling guilty about your food choices takes you out of your awareness of your body. It’s harder to tune into hunger and fullness. 

When guilt makes you feel uncomfortable, there is a part of your brain that wants comfort or distraction. As a result, you may eat more. 

Fear-based eating robs you of enjoying food. How can you receive the pleasure of eating, whether it’s from the taste of food, how the food feels in your body, or the experience of eating if you fear the food is harming you? You can’t. You couldn’t enjoy driving a Porsche if the brakes don't work. 

You don’t need to tune out all health claims around food. Be aware of where health claims are coming from. And of course, your body offers you plenty of information about food. 

The truth is no one meal, snack, or day of eating is going to harm your health. 

Letting go of fear-based eating gives you an opportunity to care for your health, your body, and your well-being at a deeper level.