Resistant to Self-care? Ya. Me too.

I would roll my eyes at bubble baths and sleeping in past 6 am.  I dismissed it for years and on the surface, still do. Interestingly enough, I take better care of myself now than I ever did. Here is what shifted for me. 

Firstly, I’m a productivity junky. I love waking up in the morning knowing I’ve got some important things to tackle. I love the satisfaction of wrapping up a day knowing I’ve moved a project forward or been impactful for my clients. 

Being busy and accomplished has offered me a way to feel good about myself. I think this is at the heart of most resistance around self-care for folks. Taking time for themselves may not fill their cup when they can spend the time on a project or meet a deadline that makes those around them happy. 

I recognize the potential trap. Our culture has taught us to value productivity and the “go-go” mentality. But when we only see ourselves as a working machine, we’ve lost sight of how we know how to value and know ourselves. The truth is that we don’t need to earn our value, we are worthy because we are here. But for many busy professionals, it’s easy to forget this. When we perform well, we get rewarded with a promotion, raise or landing new business that contributes to the growth of our company. 

Recognizing this polarity is important. A part of you that values busyness and productivity. The other part may not value downtime and time for rest. When you’re not producing, who are you? 

Your productivity may be the way you know yourself. 

I realized about 10 years ago that how I was working (I was running three separate businesses) wasn’t sustainable or healthy. I said yes to everything and didn’t honor or respect my basic needs of sleep or well-being. 

At the time, if you suggested self-care to me, I would have lost it. It’s like when someone says to you, “Take a deep breath.” That may be what you need, but you don’t want to be told to do it. 

This is why I’m not going to suggest self-care to you. 

Everything changed when I allowed myself to have needs. I realized that I wasn’t weak because I needed to care for myself. I started to value feeling relaxed and well-rested. I started to value being creative. I valued how my body felt when I took a few breaths of fresh air. I was also surprised that my productivity and creativity sky-rocketed when my basic needs were met. When I was depleted, I had little to offer my work. 

That’s when I took responsibility for my health and well-being. I took responsibility for my productivity. 

You’re the only one that can care for yourself. 

I came to realize that I was responsible for my needs. No one was going to jump in and know what I needed. I had to slow down, check in and prioritize myself. 

I’m not sure what the name of this is. Self-care is probably accurate, but along the way, it got a bad rap for being all about bubble baths and pedicures. 

So, resist self-care all you want. I’m with you. But please, take responsibility for your well-being. 

I Thought Self-Care Was Bullshit

Until this changed my mind

I used to hate the idea of self-care. I thought it was complete and utter bullshit. Bubble baths. Spa days. Pedicures. A big glass of red wine. When I talked to women about how they took care of themselves, the typical response was "I don't have time for that." They were waiting for the rare weekend they had a few moments without family or work responsibilities or the week-long beach vacation to check that self-care box off their to-do list. 

I also wondered why self-care was just marketed to women. Every other email I received from wellness publications and health coaches beat the self-care drum. Why didn’t my kids need self-care? Why wasn't my husband concerned about having enough time for himself? My skeptical brain saw self-care as another thing women could feel guilty about because they couldn’t fit into their busy schedules.

Self-care seemed like fluff that busy, working women had no time for. 

But yet, I know that everyone, regardless of gender or age, needs time for rest and play. Humans weren't put on this earth to be working machines. Downtime isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. I just couldn't get on board with how self-care was talked about and presented to me. 

My mind changed around self-care when I understood two things. 

Firstly, self-care isn't about what you do, but about prioritizing caring for yourself and seeing yourself as worth caring for. You’re worthy of proper health care and getting enough sleep, among many other things. 

A friend confided in me that she hadn't seen a dentist for over 5 years while she was raising her young children and working in corporate America. Boy, I get that. I'm sure her kids didn’t miss a check-up at their pediatricians and I'm sure her boss loved that she rarely missed a deadline. But, it took her a long while to sort out that having her teeth cleaned and caring for herself was a priority only she could make. Her husband wasn't booking that appointment for her. Her boss wasn't scooting her out the door at 2 pm on a Tuesday. She needed to do that herself. 

Secondly, self-care extends well beyond freshly painted toenails and tinted eyebrows. Both of those things make me feel better. But you know what supports me? Allowing myself to rest when I’m tired. Having regular conversations with my body and asking her what she needs at this moment. Sitting in stillness regularly and allowing new ideas to pop in. Trusting myself. Booking an appointment for my yearly skin scan with my dermatologist. Taking a long shower. 

Self-care isn’t about what it looks like, it’s about how it feels. 

Your relationship with food can be self-care. 

When clients come to me, they feel disconnected from their bodies when it comes to food and exercise. They’ve been on dozens of diets and are trying to eat the “right” thing. What's really happening is they are punishing their body and they're using food and exercise as weapons. 

Giving your body enough food is caring for your body. Choosing foods you enjoy is an act of love. Feeling satisfied after a meal is self-care. When you're caring for yourself, guilt and shame get replaced with self-compassion. 

If you’ve been avoiding or have been critical of the idea of self-care like I was, join me in a mind shift. Your relationship with food and exercise is an awesome place to start. 

Here are some of just a few ways you can bring in new self-care practices: 

• Stop weighing yourself. 

• Give yourself permission to eat a variety of foods. 

• Discover what types of movement you enjoy and feel good to you. 

• Notice when you feel tired and let yourself rest or nap. 

• Take a few moments every day to be outside. 

• Start to tune in to hunger signals. This article may help. 

• Create a morning routine. This article may help. 

• If you’ve been dieting regularly, become aware of the negative emotional and physical side effects. Learn more here. 

Self-care isn't a box to check off. Its transformational. Take it from this once skeptic.  

Do You Trust Your Body?

10 questions to ask yourself. 

It makes sense that we don’t. We’ve been told and conditioned to prioritize external knowledge over internal wisdom. Trusting our body is rarely celebrated or modeled for us. 

But, with practice, it’s absolutely possible (and life changing!). 

1. When confronted with a challenge or problem, do you say “let me think about it” or do you say “let me be with this” ? 

2. Do you prioritize stillness and space? 

3. Do you know how to experience pleasure, joy and peace in your life? 

4. Are you often creating and exploring new solutions and ways of doing things, or do you prefer to follow a formula? 

5. When things don’t go your way, do you immediately assume you’ve done something wrong? 

6. How much time are you on Google reading and seeking information and solutions? 

7. Do you often sign up for courses and training with the hopes that knowing more will give you more confidence? 

8. Do you honor your hunger and eat when you need nourishment? 

9. When you are tired, do you rest? 

10. How would you describe your relationship with your body? A trust advisor? Beloved? An enemy? A stranger? 

I’d love to hear from you. Do you do things that create more trust in yourself and your body? 

You Weren’t Put on This Earth To Have a Thin or Perfect Body

When it comes to your health, food and your body, dieting and pursuing weight loss aren’t your only options. 

For decades, I never thought I had a choice but to try to make my body smaller. I learned at a young age that I shouldn’t be eating certain foods and that exercise was a way for me to keep my weight down. 

I never challenged the idea. And in a super judgy way, I felt better about myself that I was so committed to my health. I'd be proud of my juicer, the smoothies I carried around with me, and my to-go bags of celery and carrot sticks. 

Yet, eating “healthy” and being “good” wasn’t something I could do all of the time. I’m sure you can relate. I overate and binged a few times a week. If my husband and I got take out on the weekend, I'd always over do it so my belly felt way too uncomfortably full. If I started to eat chocolate, cookies or brownies, I couldn't stop myself from eating way too much. 

This is the trap that many dieters are in. It’s nearly impossible to stay on a diet. Overeating and going off the diet is just inevitable. Yet, when you don’t realize you have another choice, what do you do? 

You keep trying other diets, hoping a new one will work. 

Because diet culture convinces us the diets do work, you may blame yourself when they don’t work for you. 

Yet, the research is clear that diets only lead to weight gain after 3 years. 

You may even say “screw it” and just decide to not pay close attention to how you’re eating and how food makes you feel. You refuse to diet, even though a part of you still wants to lose weight. You may feel like you’re betraying yourself. 

To get yourself out of this trap, you need to know you have another option when it comes to food and your health. 

You can eat a wide variety of foods that you enjoy and not feel guilty about eating. 

You can tune into your body’s hunger and fullness signals and allow them to guide how you eat. 

By letting go of trying to control food, you can allow food to be a source of joy, nourishment and satisfaction. 

This option exists! 

When you practice this, you will reclaim time and energy and feel peaceful around food.