You Can't Heal Food Insecurity With Restriction

If you have a history of food insecurity, dieting and food restriction are holding you back and making things worse. Here's why.

Food insecurity is defined as a lack of consistent access to enough food for an active and healthy life. Food insecurity can be experienced in several different ways.

Growing up (and even now), your family may not have had the financial means to provide enough food. You may have been hungry at times, or just never quite full enough. You may have had enough food some days or weeks and not enough on others.

Or, growing up a parent or guardian may have been withholding certain types of foods from you. You weren't allowed to have treats, sugary foods, or "junk" foods. You may not be calling this food insecurity. You may be seeing this as a way to be healthy by trying to avoid bad foods.

Whether the food insecurity was due to financial or "health" reasons, both experiences of food scarcity were well out of your control.

When someone with past food insecurity tries to control their weight and restrict food, experiences of "not having enough" continue. Dieting and restricted eating leads to overeating and binging. For those with a history of food insecurity, they may have even more intense experiences of overeating because of their unmet need of having enough food available to eat.

Folks with a history of food insecurity feel unsafe in their body when they don't have enough food.

Purposeful, voluntary food restriction will only activate past food insecurity responses: anxiety, worry, fear of not having enough. Feeling helpless and out of control.

To heal past food insecurity, let your mind and body know that you will be offering yourself enough food consistently. Reassure yourself that food is available to you and that you will not need to experience the discomfort and trauma of hunger.

When you notice that you've had enough food, be clear with yourself that this is what you're experiencing. Note it to yourself by saying "I have enough food. I'm safe." File it away so your body can identify what enoughness feels like.

What do you notice in your body when you've had enough food?

Do You Trust Your Body?

10 questions to ask yourself. 

It makes sense that we don’t. We’ve been told and conditioned to prioritize external knowledge over internal wisdom. Trusting our body is rarely celebrated or modeled for us. 

But, with practice, it’s absolutely possible (and life changing!). 

1. When confronted with a challenge or problem, do you say “let me think about it” or do you say “let me be with this” ? 

2. Do you prioritize stillness and space? 

3. Do you know how to experience pleasure, joy and peace in your life? 

4. Are you often creating and exploring new solutions and ways of doing things, or do you prefer to follow a formula? 

5. When things don’t go your way, do you immediately assume you’ve done something wrong? 

6. How much time are you on Google reading and seeking information and solutions? 

7. Do you often sign up for courses and training with the hopes that knowing more will give you more confidence? 

8. Do you honor your hunger and eat when you need nourishment? 

9. When you are tired, do you rest? 

10. How would you describe your relationship with your body? A trust advisor? Beloved? An enemy? A stranger? 

I’d love to hear from you. Do you do things that create more trust in yourself and your body? 

Night Time Overeating (through the lens of intuitive eating and health at every size)

** I know overeating can be uncomfortable and painful. I understand you want to stop. Remember that your body isn’t doing anything wrong when you overeat. It’s working to keep you in balance. **

Late afternoon and evening are the most common times folks overeat. 

There are three common things your body could be needing around this time. 

But first, let’s take a lesson from archery. When you pull the string of a bow back, you’re putting tension on that string. The further you pull back, the harder it is to hold the string in place. This takes effort. Eventually, you let go and the arrow flies. 

It’s the same for when we restrict ourselves from what we need. Restriction takes effort and puts tension on our minds and bodies. Eventually, we can’t hold on and overeat. 

1.Steady energy from food

Are you someone that skips breakfast and has a light lunch on the go? Late in the day, you find yourself so hungry that you would eat almost anything in sight?

Your body needed fuel all day long, but you didn't offer it the energy it needed with regular meals and snacks. 

When you finally slowed down and gave yourself a chance to eat, your body demanded that you fuel up fast.

When you’re over-hungry, it’s hard to eat calmly and mindfully. 

2. A variety of foods that you desire

Many folks try hard all day to stay on a formal diet plan. They eat the “right” breakfast and lunch, but then when it comes to the end of the day, they can’t seem to stay on track. This is because our minds and bodies aren't designed to live under diet restrictions like this. I know diet culture tries to convince us otherwise. 

It takes a lot of resolve and energy to maintain this restriction, something most people don’t have at the end of the day when they’re tired.  In addition, when you tell yourself you can’t have something, you generally want it even more (the forbidden fruit phenomenon). 

If you’re eating “forbidden” foods at the end of the day, it’s because your body is asking to eat a wider variety of foods (with unconditional permission, of course ;)). 

3. Rest, downtime and fun

So many people hit the ground running the moment they wake up and don’t stop until the very end of the day. Slowing down, building in time for relaxation and having fun are rarely prioritized when they have laundry to fold, dinner to get on the table and emails to catch up on. 

As amazing as our bodies are, they need rest. We need space and enjoyment to feel balanced and at ease in our life. 

Many folks don't know what slowing down feels like because they don't prioritize it. Our culture glorifies the hard worker, just like diet culture glorifies the disciplined eater.

If you’re noticing that you look forward to a food “treat” or “reward” at the end of the day, this is your body’s way of relaxing, slowing down and enjoying part of the evening. 

Nighttime eating is really how your body reacts to the restriction of energy/calories, a variety of foods, and downtime and fun. 

What is your body asking for?

Why It's Important to Not Value One Food Over Another

Diet culture tells us that:

• Sugar is addictive. 

• Carbs are bad. 

• Animal protein is good or bad (depending on the diet). 

• Eat clean foods. 

• Greens are good. 

• Certain fruits are good, some are bad. 

Intuitive Eating guides us to know that all foods are (emotionally) equivalent. 

What? This may take a bit to wrap your head around. 

I'm not saying that all foods are nutritionally equivalent. Without a doubt, some foods have more nutrients than other foods. 

** Valuing certain foods as "bad" doesn't keep us from eating them. Thankfully. Eating a variety of foods is healthy. ** 

Here is valuing all foods as emotionally equivalent is so important: 

Eating a food that you think has more or less value changes how you feel about yourself. When you eat what you think is "crap", you likely feel like crap. 

And who wants that? That crappy feeling generally makes you feel guilty and even ashamed of yourself. 

No, you don't need this guilt to prevent you from eating certain foods. When has that ever worked? 

When you make choices on what you "should" be eating, you miss the important conversation with your body around what you would like to eat, what would taste and feel good to you, and what you would enjoy eating. 

As a result, you miss the opportunity to enjoy what you're eating. You miss the chance to eat something really satisfying. 

When you try to avoid certain foods because they are "bad", you end up fighting yourself. This dynamic puts more energy on the food you're trying to avoid. You likely feel exhausted because of it. 

There is no freedom in this. There is no ease around food.

And take this one step further. It's okay to find out what foods you prefer to eat. These preferences are personal to you. To discover these foods, you need to see that all foods are valued (and emotionally equivalent) the same. Without that, it's really hard to know yourself and restore trust in your own body. 

You Weren’t Put on This Earth To Have a Thin or Perfect Body

When it comes to your health, food and your body, dieting and pursuing weight loss aren’t your only options. 

For decades, I never thought I had a choice but to try to make my body smaller. I learned at a young age that I shouldn’t be eating certain foods and that exercise was a way for me to keep my weight down. 

I never challenged the idea. And in a super judgy way, I felt better about myself that I was so committed to my health. I'd be proud of my juicer, the smoothies I carried around with me, and my to-go bags of celery and carrot sticks. 

Yet, eating “healthy” and being “good” wasn’t something I could do all of the time. I’m sure you can relate. I overate and binged a few times a week. If my husband and I got take out on the weekend, I'd always over do it so my belly felt way too uncomfortably full. If I started to eat chocolate, cookies or brownies, I couldn't stop myself from eating way too much. 

This is the trap that many dieters are in. It’s nearly impossible to stay on a diet. Overeating and going off the diet is just inevitable. Yet, when you don’t realize you have another choice, what do you do? 

You keep trying other diets, hoping a new one will work. 

Because diet culture convinces us the diets do work, you may blame yourself when they don’t work for you. 

Yet, the research is clear that diets only lead to weight gain after 3 years. 

You may even say “screw it” and just decide to not pay close attention to how you’re eating and how food makes you feel. You refuse to diet, even though a part of you still wants to lose weight. You may feel like you’re betraying yourself. 

To get yourself out of this trap, you need to know you have another option when it comes to food and your health. 

You can eat a wide variety of foods that you enjoy and not feel guilty about eating. 

You can tune into your body’s hunger and fullness signals and allow them to guide how you eat. 

By letting go of trying to control food, you can allow food to be a source of joy, nourishment and satisfaction. 

This option exists! 

When you practice this, you will reclaim time and energy and feel peaceful around food. 

What Do I Eat When I Start Intuitive Eating?

This is the question most ask when starting any new eating plan or health protocol.

If you're wondering, it's like you're asking for the playbook so you can know the rules. 

I get that. We all want to know how to be successful.Yet, intuitive eating is different. 

The short answer is that with intuitive eating, no food is off limits. 

Now, you may have heard that before on other diets. 

Intuitive eating doesn’t have cheat days. The focus isn’t on trying to moderate yourself. 

Intuitive eating is a non-diet approach where you change how you value certain foods.

With intuitive eating, all foods are considered neutral and emotionally equivalent. 

Which means you enjoy foods without guilt or shame. 

Intuitive eating isn't a “free for all”. Eating all forbidden foods can feel like a "free for all" when you're not dieting, but still trying to be good.

Discovering what to eat will be a journey...

from needing rules and a guidebook where someone tells you what to eat, 

to being curious around what foods you enjoy and feels good in your body, 

to knowing what foods you'd prefer to eat and make you feel satisfied because you're honoring the internal wisdom of your body. 

Starting this journey may feel scary. You may be afraid of eating the wrong thing or eating way too much of it. Guidelines can make us feel safe! 

Offer yourself some kindness. You’re taking a step away from rules and restrictions and stepping toward food freedom by creating your own internal guidelines. Ones that you can trust. Meanwhile, it takes time to unlearn diet rules and reconnect with your body’s wisdom. 

One fun way to start is to ask yourself a new set of questions- 

If all foods are neutral, 

• What would taste best right now? 

• What would feel nourishing? 

• What food would I enjoy eating? 

Then, experiment and be curious. What do you notice? 

"Your Body is Working so Hard for You." My Story About Chronic Pain, Compulsive Exercise and Healing

One of my healers said this to me yesterday. I've been seeing her for hip pain that's been so severe I can no longer enjoy my morning walks, snowshoe, or walk up the stairs without struggle. 

Her words stunned me as if she put a medley of words together that I had never heard before.  My brain needed time to catch up. 

My hip pain on its best day has been an inconvenience. At its worse, a living nightmare. I've been pulling all the tools out of my toolbox and I've been finding new ones. Medical doctor and surgical consults, Reiki healing, acupuncture, physical therapy, essential oils, supplements, prayer, surrender, acceptance, journaling, crying, swimming, and pranayama. 

I recently had a loving mental shift and epiphany. My hip isn't a problem that needs fixing. I know whatever is here for me around my hip is for me, not something being done to me. 

I was surprised at how stunned I was. I’ve been appreciating the wisdom of my body for years now. 

I can recognize my hunger and know when I feel overwhelmed and anxious. 

I know when I need rest and downtime. New ideas come to me and I feel inspired. 

This all comes from the wisdom of my body. Not only do I know that.  I can FEEL and tangibly experience it. 

Yet, my healer's words invited me to go deeper. 

I've wished this pain away. I've seen it as an obstacle, getting in the way of how I want to live. I've judged it. I've judged myself for having it. I've worried about it. I've wondered if it will ever go away and if I need to live with it forever. 

Here is what my pain stood for:  

In the past, I controlled my weight with vigorous exercise. I went on long runs to burn extra calories. I spent hours in the gym trying to make my body leaner and fitter.  I was a proud and loud “sweat addict”. I have healed my relationship with exercise so movement is now fun and enjoyable to me. I no longer punish my body for overeating or need to earn a meal with exercise. But still, something lingered. 

• Who am I if I can’t exercise? 

• And, what will happen to me and my weight if I can’t work out, be active and get outside to play in nature? 

The truth of the matter is that not only have I been feeling the pain in my hip. I’ve been mourning the loss of my identity as an athlete, runner, yogi, hiker, snowshoer, snowboarder, and biker. And blaming my body for failing me. 

I’ve been able to partner with my body on some things, but now my personal narrative around what makes me a worthy person has been called into question. I loved being a Division 1 athlete. I’ve loved racing in half marathons and triathlons. I loved moving my body in challenging yoga poses. 

• What's left for me when I can’t hold onto this proud shield? 

• What’s left for me if I can’t claim myself as an athlete any longer?  

My hip pain has been a catalyst for me to examine this old story of who I need to be. 

Recognizing that my body is working hard for me and dismantling this old story means I can call a truce with my body. My body is working as hard for my healing as I've been. We've been partners all along. We're on the same page, wanting the same thing. 

I’ve been keeping an agenda for my body around exercise and sport. Meanwhile, my body has been keeping the same agenda it has and always will keep: to protect me, keep me in balance, and heal. Without this agenda, I can appreciate how my body is working so hard for me. 

As you consider your relationship with your body, I hope my story inspires you to consider that you can partner with your body around food, movement, and healing. 

If this is a new journey for you, one of the simplest steps you can do right now is to notice yourself breathing. When you do this, you likely will notice how: 

Your body is working so hard for you. 

Attention Entrepreneurs! Your Relationship with Your Body is Impacting Your Business.

When I was deciding on which public accounting firm to join out of college, one conversation with a senior manager from my top pick stuck out in my mind. He said, “we work hard and play hard.” 

He had me at hello. I eagerly joined and quickly learned that working hard meant 60 hour work weeks and playing hard meant nice team dinners and meeting for drinks on Fridays at 7 pm. Don’t get me wrong. I loved it. I learned a ton and worked with awesome people. I even met my husband while working with this firm. At the time, he worked in the marketing department of one of my clients. 

As much as I learned while working in public accounting, I’ve had to unlearn as an entrepreneur. 

I was taught to value hard work above all else, which included showing my clients and bosses that I put in the time to get the job done well. Late hours, 7 am start days, no lunches, weekend hours. What I learned: Hard work is a high priority. 

At the end of each job, we got evaluated. Every year, I was ranked among my peers based on my performance. This ranking determined my raise and bonus. What I learned: External measures matter most. 

I vividly recall an afternoon when I had just wrapped up a client. I hadn’t worked out in weeks. I drank a much-needed massive cup of Dunkin’ that morning after a late night of work that was still sloshing around in my belly. I went for an easy run along the Charles River in Cambridge near my condo, eager to get outside. Yet, my body wasn’t having it. I was exhausted and nauseous.  I was also frustrated that my body wasn't cooperating. What I learned: Hard work meant that my body suffered. And that’s okay. 

Not surprisingly, when I started my first business, an accounting consulting firm, in 2008 I took the same values and teachings I learned in corporate accounting. As I see it now, I ran my business from my head. 

My three children were so young at the time, each under 8. My plate was full, yet, I always felt like I should be doing more and never had enough time to do it. I wished I could have been cloned because I felt like I was doing the work of two people. I never had enough time and always felt this tension, this fear, that I was going to let someone down and not do what was expected of me. 

My hard work tactic was only backfiring because I couldn’t work my way out of the hole of exhaustion and overwhelm. Yet I didn’t have any other tricks up my sleeve. 

Hard work. Valuing myself based on how others judged me (or how I thought they judged me). Disregarding my wellness. All of this worked in the past. But not now. Not while I was running my own business. 

As an entrepreneur, you know as well as I do, that your business is a reflection of you. It reflects your passions, values, and strengths. On another level, you can also consider your business as an energy you’ve created and nurtured. As you grow and expand, your business will grow and expand along with you. 

Without connecting with your body, you’re likely feeling out of alignment with your business. When I was trying to run my business under the ole’ “work hard, play hard” model (aka from my head), I wasn't living inside of my body. No wonder my business felt so heavy and hard. No wonder I felt disconnected from it. No wonder I judged it so often and thought it should be growing faster and be more profitable. My business was lacking me. 

Your body is the vehicle that communicates your intuition, needs, emotions, preferences, and passions. You’re your business's most valuable asset. When you run your business from your head, you’re missing a massive contribution; your body.  

Your body is always offering you tremendous wisdom. The question is, are you willing to notice, respect, and listen to it? 

I know connecting with your body in your business isn't so simple. Please know there could be other reasons besides just the teachings of corporate America that have you leading your business from just your head. I’ll be exploring them in some upcoming articles and videos. 

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you. Are you connecting with your body in your business? 

Happy New Year! 5 Practices I’m Focused on for My Highest Healing and Growth in 2022

I had an intuitive hit while on my 2-week content sabbatical. I’m going to share more about myself. In many ways, you and I are on similar journeys. Sure, when it comes to body image and intuitive eating, we may have different healing experiences. But, on many levels, I’m experiencing what you’re experiencing, and you're experiencing what I am. It’s just the way the world works. 

I hope that by sharing what’s happening for me, you’ll feel less crazy, less alone and have a more palpable sense of relief. Like, “Phew- someone is going through the same thing I’m going through.”  I get how important it is to not feel alone. 

So, As we kick off this new year, here are five practices I’m focused on. 

#1: Living inside of my body through the lens of my nervous system. 

Thankfully, I’m surrounded by some pretty kick-ass healers and educators around trauma, embodiment and self-regulation. I’m becoming very aware of how often my body gets kicked into flight or fight, or when I shut down and freeze. This morning, I created a nest for myself in my office. I have a rolled-up towel behind my lower back and I have a weighted scarf on my lap. As I felt this support, I noticed an immediate softening. It was like my body said, “Yes, please.” In 2022, I want more “yes pleases”. This is my body’s way of sharing with me that it feels safe. 

#2: Accepting pain. 

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with pain. You, too?  The lesson has been in front of me from the beginning, and in 2022, I’m letting in something new around injury, pain and healing. Through the years, I’ve said to this pain over and over, please go away. I don’t want you. You’re in my way, you’re stopping me from getting what I want. I realized in my recent journaling that the conversation I’m having with and about the pain I’m experiencing is ALL lies. The “painful” truth is that in some ways, I’ve let my pain be a welcomed distraction. All of my appointments, all of the time and energy I’ve been spending trying to make my pain go away has been a way of me trying to fix my body. But the truth is, my body can be in pain and not be broken. Pain can just be information, not something that summons fear of my future or blame from my past. In 2022, pain is something that I can not only accept, but it’s also something I can choose for myself. 

#3: Allowing myself the grace to be fully ME. 

For decades. For as long as I can remember. I’ve been working to this higher standard that I believed I needed to meet. This standard, you can call it perfection, or you can call it impossible, consistently kicked my ass. Trying to achieve, work, and be this standard has been incredibly exhausting. I always felt like I was never doing enough and I should be doing more. Where did this standard come from? Why have I been designing my life to meet it? What price have I paid while trying? All good questions and ones that I’ll be answering in my next book (plans to publish in late 2022). Being fully me means that I work with my energy, genius and softness. Instead of trying so hard and proving myself, I’m putting my focus on living in a flow state of ease and gentleness. This feels foreign at times. And uncomfortable. Like when I rest in the middle of the day and let my body restore. Instead of pushing, I’m just tuning into myself and offering myself what I know I need. This feels light. And free. 

#4: Continue to love my relationship with food. 

Last night I was enjoying a brownie with milk. An old conversation crept in that said “you shouldn’t be eating this.” Noticing this was liberating. I’ve let go of so many food rules, and yet guilt can be an old familiar friend that likes to show up every once in a while. My motto continues to be “preference, not perfection”. I got this from my friend Jennifer Kreatsolous’s forthcoming book The Courageous Path to Healing. This motto offers me both guidance and confirmation. My food choices are mine to make. Perfection is something that I get to define. Diet culture tries to define perfect eating for us, but it’s fictitious. In 2022, I’m going to notice and cultivate my relationship with food because I know it will open up more personal growth and expansion.  

#5: Exploring what’s nourishing. 

In the past year or so, I’ve been sitting with what I’m consuming for movies, TV, videos and social media. I haven’t always had discernment around what feels good and what doesn’t. I’ve let in information just because it’s available. I’ve been passive and in some ways, asleep.  But now, I shut that shit down if it doesn’t feel right. I notice what shows I like to watch, and what ones just don’t keep my interest or leave me feeling anxious. I’m paying attention to what books I like to read that fills me. I’m starting to notice all of the different interactions in my life that feel nourishing. It can be driving in my car, walking to the mailbox, or sipping warm tea. In 2022, exploring what’s nourishing for me is a way that I practice honoring my unique needs and desires. 

 How about you? Do you have any practices that you’ll start this year? 

Do You Stop Eating When You’re Full?

Why this matters

You and I can both relate to operating on autopilot. This is when you’re going through the motions in your life without even realizing or paying attention to what's happening on the inside (body sensations, thoughts, etc.) and outside (your environment, conversations, etc.). 

It can be so easy to do this when you're eating. You may have a plate of food in front of you and only stop eating when you’ve eaten everything on the plate. Or you may have a snack bag of chips or baby carrots, and not stop eating until the bag is empty. 

This isn’t wrong or bad. You’re just missing an opportunity to tune into the information your body is sharing with you around how much food would be satisfying. 

Why this may be hard

Just like any new practice, being mindful and noticing fullness takes some extra energy on your part.  At least, at first. It will become easier over time. 

Honoring your fullness will be really hard if you're dieting or food restricting. I know this may sound counterintuitive. For example, if you're eating a food that you consider to be unhealthy or bad and you tell yourself that you can’t have it tomorrow, you may engage in the last supper mentality and eat more of that food because you can’t have it later. It won’t matter how full you are. 

The same goes if you’re not getting enough calories. If you’ve been in a state of deprivation, your body will demand more food when you finally allow yourself to eat. To honor your fullness, you need to honor your hunger. 

And, if you let yourself get too hungry, it may be hard for you to slow down and notice fullness. You may feel too urgent around food and may naturally eat really fast. 

One thing to practice that may help

Start by choosing a meal or snack where you give eating all of your attention. If you often eat in front of your phone, laptop or TV, this may be challenging. Choose the easiest meal and take it slowly. 

Remind yourself that you’re not trying to limit how much you eat, but instead, you're interested in what kind of sensations your body shares with you around fullness. 

Allow this to be a discovery process. 

Here are some signals your body may share with you when you’re full: 

• Your belly may no longer have an empty or void feeling. (I know this is obvious). 

• You may start to lose interest in eating more food. Food may not look or smell as good as it did when you first started to eat. 

• The food you’re eating may not taste as flavorful. 
  

The opportunity

Eating can be a pleasurable experience, especially when you’re eating foods that you enjoy. 

When on autopilot, you will miss the taste, smell, texture of foods, and how the sensations in your body change while eating. 

Just like going outside and feeling the cool (or warm) fresh air can be a savory experience, we can miss these bounties if we aren’t tuning in and paying attention. 

By practicing honoring your hunger, you’ll be expanding and noticing even more opportunities to be filled and nourished by everyday experiences. Ones that do and don’t involve food.

Hunger Is a Basic Signal Our Body Shares With Us. Are You Tuning Into It?

Yet, when I start working with a new client, we always need to start with getting to know and honoring hunger.

Bottom line: It's basic but not always simple.

Getting to know your hunger is a beautiful opportunity.

When we eat on autopilot, without tuning into our body's signals, we miss out on creating a nourishing experience for ourselves.

My invitation to you today is to notice how you tune into your hunger.

• It’s okay to eat when you’re not hungry.

• It's okay to eat when it's convenient to eat.

• It’s also okay to let yourself get hungry.

The bigger question is: 

What are you noticing about your hunger?

To go even deeper...

What signals does your body share with you to let you know you need nutrition?

Are you consciously choosing to eat because you're aware of hunger or the absence of it?

Do you allow yourself to honor your hunger?

Or, do you follow the clock when you eat?

Being unconscious and unaware isn’t bad.

You may just be missing an opportunity to be more connected to your body, enjoy food more, and feel more peaceful when you eat.

One Reason You Keep Dieting. Even When You Know Dieting Doesn’t Work.

This may be hard to hear. 

When I interviewed Virginia Sole-Smith on my Hungry: Trust Your Body. Free Your Mind podcast, she confessed something that I’ve heard before and I could personally relate to. 

She knew that diets didn’t work. But that didn’t stop her from trying to lose weight. She told herself that she'd be the exception. She would be the 5% (it’s well documented and researched that 95% of diets only lead to weight gain after 3 years). She wanted to be her own “after” picture. 

Virginia and I both talked about our determination. Our discipline. Our strong work ethic. 

We both concluded, without telling a soul, that we had what it took to lose weight and keep it off. 

Although it’s painful to admit, we considered ourselves not only to be the exception, but BETTER people than the vast majority of diet failures. 

And it’s not surprising that we held this belief.  Considering what we commonly hear from folks that just lost weight on a diet.  

If I can do this, you can too. 

It was hard for me at first, but it’s so worth it. 

My life has changed now that I’ve lost all of this weight. 

Diet culture tells us to be strong, hopeful and never to give up. 

Even when we understand science. Our body is designed to protect and defend its set point. Significant weight loss isn’t possible because our body will override any conscious decision-making and ensure that we eat by increasing our drive to eat and slowing our metabolism. 

We live in a world where we are told our body isn’t good enough. After all, a “perfect” body is reserved for a very small margin of folks. Six pack abs are rarely achievable without genetics, significant time and an army of resources. 

If you live in a body that’s not perfect, you’ve already been told you’re a failure. And who wants to be a failure? 

No one. Our one way of digging ourselves out of feeling like a failure is to be exceptional. 

We need to prove we aren’t a failure. We need to prove that diet, restriction and weight loss are something we can accomplish. 

Consider the popular, yet controversial reality TV show The Biggest Loser. An interesting play on words. Taken one way, each contestant is called a big loser. Or a fat failure.  Taken another way, the winner is the contest that lost the most weight. 

Do we need any other proof than that to summarize exactly how you may be feeling about your body weight? 

You may feel really trapped. You may NEED to prove your worth and without a diet and weight loss plan, you feel defeated because you’ll be stuck in a body that’s just wrong. 

Moving out of this trap takes a few steps. 

Understand the role diet culture has played in your belief that your body is wrong and that you need to fix it. 

Be open to the real science of setpoint. I wrote more about it here. Your body is brilliant at keeping itself in balance. 

It’s okay that you wanted to be the exception. You are exceptional. But you don’t need to lose weight to prove that to yourself or anyone else. 

Allow your body to take the lead. Start to be curious about its signals. With practice, you’ll eventually trust it to guide you and your health and well-being. 

Important Science You Need To Know About Weight Loss

Let’s talk about setpoint

I'm sharing much of the science from Dr. Lindo Bacon and Health At Every Size. Learn more here https://haescommunity.com/

Every body has a unique set point, which is the amount of fat storage and bodyweight that is optimal for the body to protect itself.

Although set point can’t be determined by a formula or in a laboratory, it’s estimated that your setpoint falls within a range of 5-20 pounds. 

When your body is below your setpoint, your body will start to defend its setpoint by: 

• Increasing hunger signals, including a desire to eat a wider variety of foods. 

• Reducing fullness signals, and 

• Slowing metabolism. 

This is one of the reasons 95% of dieters gain weight within 3 years. Our bodies won’t tolerate being at a weight below our setpoint. Your brain will work with other systems in your body to ensure your body comes back to its ideal weight. 

When your body is below its setpoint, you’ll notice: 

• You get cold easily. 

• You’re preoccupied with thoughts of food. 

• Low energy, irritability, and loss of interest to do pleasurable activities. 

When your body is above its setpoint, you’ll: 

• Have a hard time recognizing physical hunger. 

• Often eat beyond comfortable fullness. 

• Skip meals and then overeat. 

• Eat for coping, comfort, or distraction. 

• Overeat because of guilt and when you fall off of your diet. 

What to do: 

• Restoring your body to its setpoint takes time and patience. 

• If your body is not at its setpoint, it’s because you’ve overridden your body’s signals. There is a variety of reasons you’ve done this. This isn’t something to feel ashamed or bad about. Diet culture encourages us to follow diet rules over the signals of our body. 

• Start by listening and tuning into your own hunger and fullness. This can often be a challenge if you’ve been chronically dieting, emotionally eating, and engaging in other coping strategies. 

But remember, your body knows these signals. It may just take time and reassurance to get reacquainted with them. 

Feeling shitty about your body today?

There is so much that may trigger you to feel bad about your body. 

How your jeans fit when you zipped them this morning. 

What you ate yesterday. 

Pictures on social media. 

Recalling the conversation over Thanksgiving dinner about how Aunt Susan lost all of that weight on her latest diet. Uggh. Diet and weight loss talk can be so overwhelming. 

If this is you, you may be: 

• Making a plan to fix your body with a new diet, more restriction (aka being good today), and more exercise. 

• Feeling stuck and hopeless. Body shame can feel very heavy and immobilizing. 

• Engaging other patterns that feel less bad; like shopping, excessive working, drinking, and eating. 

These aren’t bad responses. It's natural to find ways to feel better when living in a world that often tells you that there is something wrong with your body. These are ways you’re trying to survive. 

I'd like to offer you a few ways to ride out feeling bad about your body.

• Can you pull yourself up and away and witness yourself? Instead of being caught up in thoughts, reactions, and the drama of fixing, watch yourself in the experience. 

• Limit how much outside information and pictures you do take in. Turn away from the magazines in the grocery store aisle, certain accounts on social media and websites. Follow #bodyliberation accounts. 

• Give yourself permission to wear comfortable clothing. 

• Prioritize some of your basic needs; hydration, rest, and connecting with a close and trusted friend, partner, or family member. 

• Do your best to ground yourself in your body. Take some deep breaths. Spend a few moments outside and get some fresh air. Let your feet rest on the floor and let them be supported. 

I know it doesn't feel great. Remind yourself that this too shall pass. You deserve to feel good in your body, no matter what. Be gentle with yourself. 

12 Practices to Feel Satisfied and Peaceful Around Food This Thanksgiving

Eating to satisfaction is the cornerstone of Intuitive Eating. 

When you feel satisfied, you eat an amount that feels right for you at that moment. You also feel content, nourished, and even spacious because you’re eating foods that you like and that taste good to you. 

Only you will know what satisfaction feels like in your body. 

Thanksgiving is an awesome opportunity to practice eating to satisfaction. And, for obvious reasons, may be even more challenging. 

Here are a few things to practice.

You can: 

1. Eat foods that would have been off-limits in the past. Remind yourself that you can also enjoy these foods tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that.  

2. Enjoy these foods without guilt or shame. 

3. Wear comfortable clothing. 

4. Let go of standard portion sizes. 

5. Fill your dinner plate with foods that you're curious to try, will enjoy, and will make your body feel great. 

6. Be aware of your environment and notice people, memories, expectations, overwhelm, and responsibilities that may move you off your center. How can you be gentle with yourself? 

7. Not finish everything on your plate. Wrap it up and save it for later or throw the food away. 

8. Invite yourself to challenge any "shoulds" and explore if they still feel right to you. “I should make my grandmother's apple pie.” “Everything should be perfect.” “We should eat dinner at a certain time of the day.”  

9. Notice a part of you that may want or need to burn extra calories in advance of Thanksgiving dinner. Can you replace that with moving in a way that's inviting and fun for you?

10. Pause every once in a while throughout the day and take some deep breaths. Notice what you're experiencing in your body. Check in with your hunger and fullness signals. 

11. Rest often. Take a 10-15 minute, or hour-long nap. Take a break. Give yourself some downtime. 

12. Eat pie for breakfast (thank you for this suggestion Evelyn Tribole!). 

And if you're brand new to Intuitive Eating, let yourself stumble and fumble. It takes practice and time to unlearn outdated patterns of food restriction and restore connection with yourself and your body. You get to do this imperfectly! 

Have a peaceful and lovely Thanksgiving! 

It’s common to want to FIX your struggles with food and your weight. Common. But not helpful.

When you’re trying to fix, 

• You may be thinking…. I need to STOP overeating, STOP eating emotionally, STOP eating the wrong foods. 

• You may feel really urgent (maybe even panicked) to find a solution (program, coach, or book) that will take away the struggle. 

• You likely beat yourself up and feel bad when you overeat or emotionally eat. It’s generally right after these situations that you want “to fix” most. 

The most common forms of fixing are food restriction, rigorous dieting and more frequent or longer exercise.  

If you’re trying to fix your relationship with food and bodies, you’ve likely forgotten: 

• Your body is universally perfect because it’s here on earth. You came into this world divinely and nothing has changed. It’s only our culture and the biases we’ve absorbed that have led us to believe that something is wrong. 

• Disordered patterns with food are coping mechanisms. You’ve put them in place to keep yourself safe and protected. 

• By trying to fix unwanted behavior, you may spend more time and energy on the behavior instead of inviting in healing the part of you that created the unwanted behavior in the first place. 

When we try to fix, we see ourselves as wrong or broken. 

And this is simply not true. 

And, you’re not wrong for wanting to fix something painful! Of course, you want your life to be better. 

My invitation to you is to notice when you want to fix. When you catch yourself, gently remind yourself that the way to heal is through connecting with your inner state and practicing self-compassion. 

Honoring Your Hunger

3 things that may make this hard

Your body knows when it’s hungry and is brilliant at communicating hunger signals. 

But, if it were only so easy. 

Some of my clients don’t recognize their hunger until they are starving. Which may lead to urgent and panicky eating. 

Others rarely let themselves get physically hungry. This means they don’t have that internal mechanism to know when to stop eating because they aren’t experiencing the contrast between hunger and fullness.

When we honor our physical hunger, we are setting ourselves up to eat a meal or snack that truly satisfies us. 

Here are 3 reasons you may have a hard time honoring hunger. 

#1: Lack of Modeling 

• Caregivers may have encouraged you to eat all the food on your plate. 

• You may have learned to eat out of necessity because food was only available during certain times of the day. 

• While at family events, you ate, not because of your hunger, but because you were in community. 

#2: Weight loss pursuits (aka dieting, clean eating, intermittent fasting, being good) 

• Dieting encourages the dismissal of hunger and prioritizes following diet rules, such as portion sizes. 

• Some diet rules encourage you to not eat after a certain time in the evening or not eat before a certain time in the morning. 

• You may try to eat as little as possible. 

#3: Fears and Negotiations (due to past restrictive eating patterns)

• You may fear the discomfort of hunger, therefore you may eat in anticipation of hunger. 

• You may “shouldn’t” your hunger away because you just ate a short time ago. 

• You may be afraid of hunger because you believe it will lead you to overeat. 

We don’t question our need to pee. Growing up, no one may have reassured you to trust your hunger. But the mechanism is still inside of you. Being aware of these reasons can help you reconnect with your body's need for energy that will support you in so many ways.

What if You Didn’t Need To Work Out To “Earn” That Bagel or Slice of Pizza?

You know those running freaks that jog in place waiting for the light to change so they can cross the street? 

That was me.

There were more calories to burn and I wasn’t going to miss an opportunity.  

How about those runners that are up before dawn with their headlamp and reflector vest? 

That was me, too. 

I did whatever I could to squeeze a workout in. Because I couldn’t possibly go a day without a run, yoga class, or intense workout. 

It’s a fine line. At the time, I considered myself a fitness enthusiast, health-conscious, sweat-loving jock. 

But when I look back now, I know I was just scared of weight gain, fearful to go without a workout, and believed I needed to earn my next meal (or fix what I just overate). 

And the line gets even more fine and delicate when we consider this truth: 

Exercise always makes us feel better. 

After a workout, I’d feel more calm and peaceful. I’d feel accomplished and productive. And, if the workout was really intense, I’d feel pleasantly sedated. Afterward, no one or no thing could push me off my center. 

Yet, there was always something nagging at me. Mostly on the days I was freakin’ exhausted (and I’m suspecting my body was begging for rest). 

Why did I need to work my body so hard? 

Why did I need to put so much time and energy into burning calories? 

On those days, exercise wasn’t fun. It was punishment. 

If you’re where I’ve been, I’m inviting you to a different approach. 

When exercise is about fixing your body, the line needs to be explored. Because it’s what turns something healthy, beneficial, and life-altering, into something that’s fear-confirming and harmful.

As I changed my relationship with food, my relationship with my body and exercise changed too. Workouts aren’t about earning or fixing. 

They’re about moving for the experience of feeling great- whether calming or energizing. It’s not just about how I feel after, it was about how I feel during the movement that matters. 

At the heart of a harmful relationship with exercise is the belief that your body is wrong or bad. Or you may hold the belief that you need exercise to hold onto the slim and fit body you do have. 

What if you partnered with your body when you choose to move? What if you let your body give you feedback around what movement it needs to feel better?

What if you let yourself move, just because it’s fun and inviting? 

I know these are big asks. But if you are as tired and exhausted as I was, it’s likely that your body is begging for a change. Now may be a great time to listen. 

Just for Today, Are You Open to Letting Your Struggles With Food and Weight Go?

I know it's a lot. And you've been carrying it around for so long.

It may feel impossible for you to imagine what it feels like and looks like to not be struggling with food, your body, your health. 

What if the meaning behind the struggle is the struggle? 

Could the narrative you have in your mind about who you are when you overeat, eat emotionally, and worry about your weight is what's wearing on you? 

Notice what you say to yourself when you overeat. Are you bad? Disgusting? Out of control? Crazy?

What if you let those ideas loosen their grip on you? 

Imagine you're holding these ideas of yourself in your fist. 

Feel the weight, the pressure. 

Now open your palm and let the energy of these ideas be. 

Do they want to stay in your palm? Are they willing to drop? To float? 

When you're not holding onto these words, ideas and meaning so tightly, how does your body feel? 

Thank You Diet Culture

I spent most of my life not even knowing you existed. All I knew was that I needed to be smaller to be pretty. So I tried to be better with food.

I witnessed my mother diet, even though she didn't need to. But you convinced her otherwise. Because of that, I dieted too.

While dieting, I hurt my body. I overfilled her, starved her, dismissed her, and pushed her when she was dead tired.

I know I was the one choosing these actions. But you promised me that I'd be happier when I was thinner. You showed me thin people that were more attractive, healthier and more successful.

I thought I was sacrificing for a reason. But really, I was just sacrificing my sanity and autonomy.

I believed in your promises. Your promises gave me hope.

You never intended to keep your promises. You always meant to manipulate me and millions of people to believe that our bodies are wrong and bad.

When we believe our bodies are wrong, we turn to you to fix us. We've filled your purses, given you our time and energy and you’ve taken away our happiness and freedom.

So for that, fuck you.

I know all we can do is grieve. And heal. And unlearn every single thing you've taught us. You've taught us our bodies aren't worth respecting or worth listening to, but the truth is you're not worth respecting or worth listening to.

The truth is our bodies were never a problem, and have always been and always be inherently perfect.

I wish you didn't exist, but you do.

All we can do is accept you, and see you as a system that we don't need to engage with. When we turn our attention away from you, you won’t have the power to hurt us.

As surprising as this may sound, thank you. By unlearning your teachings, we’re learning how to be in our bodies. Because of your darkness, we have the opportunity to stand in the light.