Do you want to post your ideas on social media, but something always holds you back?
Years ago, my first business coach advised me to start blogging and sending a weekly newsletter. All of my doubts and fears flooded in. “I have nothing to say.” “People will think this is stupid, that I'm stupid.” “What if they disagree with me?”
I was feeling like an imposter.
Who was I to speak up and share my ideas?
What if people realized I didn't know what I was talking about?
I created some strategies to work through this, like detaching myself from people’s reaction to my writing. How others responded was outside of my control. I also got clear around why I wanted to write; it made me a better writer. That clarity trumped my inner-critic.
Working through the experience of being an imposter isn't about crushing your fears or forcing yourself to do something you don't feel safe doing.
And, there is a cost. Not speaking up and sharing your ideas, whether it's in a conference room or on Linked In, hurts. It hurts to not be heard and dampen your expression. It hurts your career when you fly under the radar. It hurts your organization when you stay silent instead of challenging the status quo.
Not speaking up and flying under the radar are common responses to feeling like an imposter. This is normal. And, it doesn't need to hold you back.
Advice If You Hate Having Your Picture Taken
Facebook and Instagram feeds are flooded with pictures of graduation, prom and other big milestones. It’s a popular time of year for photos!
Getting your picture taken, even when among trusted loved ones, can feel incredibly stressful.
To avoid the camera, you may:
Always hide in the back or outer side of a group picture.
Wear dark or oversized clothes to blend in.
Volunteer to take the picture.
Encourage your group to take headshot selfies.
If this is you, you’re not alone. Having our picture taken, especially when we aren’t happy with how our bodies look, can feel risky. When you see the picture, you may immediately judge yourself and how you look. You naturally assume that people are judging you the same way you are.
If you’re not happy with your appearance or your body, it makes sense that you’re avoiding the camera. It’s the safer thing to do.
But this has a cost.
You’re spending a good deal of time and energy on these avoidance strategies. Seeing a picture of yourself after the fact, one that you’re not happy with may leave you spinning and hating your body even more.
One of my clients always avoided the camera when her kids were small. Now she regrets it. She looks back at family pictures and she’s not in them. She can’t recreate those memories, the time has passed.
Another Way
Disliking having your picture taken is not the problem, it’s just a symptom or reaction you’re having because of the relationship you have with yourself, specifically, your body.
Just like any relationship, it can change when you choose to heal it. This can take some time, intention and practice.
You can make a simple and easy shift today by changing what you focus on.
When you see a picture of yourself, you’re the observer of yourself. The observer is the part of you that judges, criticizes and compares by saying things like, “Uggh, look at those arms!”, “How did you let yourself go?”, “That dress does you no favors.” and “I’m the biggest person in the group”. No wonder having your picture taken feels painful.
When you focus on the sensations of your body, you can be present and emotionally and mentally available. You can notice what it feels like to be proud of your child graduating or grateful to be with family members you haven’t been with in a while. For many people, this can feel grounded and peaceful.
Your attention can’t be in two places at the same time. Move from the observer to the embodied.
I also invite you to take a risk. If you’ve always been one to hide in the back, move toward the front or center of the group. Notice what it’s like to let yourself be seen.
Be patient with yourself. This may take some time. But your efforts will be worth it.
Life when the camera isn’t something to be afraid of.
After working together for a few months, a client shared what happened when she returned from a family vacation. She looked at each picture with neutrality. “Oh, that’s me.” No gasp, no fear, no dissecting certain body parts, just fact. There she was, on the edge of the Grand Canyon. And thankfully, her fond memories were captured in a picture.
Client Case Study: Passionate Entrepreneur Stops Dieting, Expands Her Business and Accepts Her Body
After spending a few years practicing Intuitive Eating on her own, Allison (not her real name) came to me because she noticed a few challenges that she couldn’t solve on her own. She was still doing some night time eating, even though she knew she wasn't hungry. She also came home from a recent vacation with her family and had a really hard time seeing pictures of herself. She wanted a better self-image of her body.
Allison and I worked together for 12 sessions. Here are some of the tools and guidance I offered her.
Tuning into Needs
Allison is incredibly focused and loves working hard in the business she’s so passionate about. Yet, she was putting her families and clients needs ahead of her own. Most days, she would choose to work without a break for lunch. At the end of the day, she felt depleted, exhausted and resentful. As Allison started to recognize her need for space and rest, she found it easier to make caring for herself a priority.
Awareness of Hunger
One of the side effects of dieting is putting off and dismissing hunger signals. I shared with her what hunger signals to look for. As Allison increased her awareness around hunger, she realized that she was waiting too long to eat. As she started to eat when she felt pleasantly hungry, she started to enjoy her meals more.
Letting Go of the Shoulds
Allison noticed she was carrying over some old food rules that had her feeling guilty. As she noticed them, named them and let them go, she gave herself permission to create her own habits and patterns around food that fit her life and schedule.
Slowing Down to Connect
Allison noticed how her life felt like a sprint and she was always short on time. She started to use some grounding and breathing exercises that helped her slow down and tune into her body. She also gave herself permission to have more space in her days so she could enjoy time with her family and friends.
Body Image Upgrade
By tuning into her self-talk, Allison realized that she was worried that she was gaining weight. This was a pattern of thinking she had since she was young. When she noticed it, she was able to challenge the belief and bring her thinking back to the present moment. Now, she no longer has this inaccurate thought plaguing her and she feels a lot lighter.
Noticing Body Sensations
Using a few different techniques and approaches, Allison found a way to notice sensations in her body. This awakening has helped her tune into simple signals from the body like when she feels energized and passionate and when she feels depleted. She’s able to use this awareness around self-care, but also in her business and relationships.
Favorite Mantra
“Where your focus goes, energy flows” really resonated with her because she acknowledged the choice that she always has to change and shift what she’s focused on.
As we were winding down our time together, Allison shared that she saw some pictures of her and her family over the Easter holiday. Instead of the dread she felt from seeing the family vacation pictures a few shorts months ago, she felt neutral. She described it as saying to herself “Oh, that’s me.” And it barely impacted her.
Now that she’s practicing embodiment and has a deeper practice of intuitive eating, Allison’s felt even more free around food and has been able to focus her energy on her family and her sleep consulting business. She’s been able to expand her business by hiring resources and outsourcing pieces that were exhausting her. She’s even given herself time on Fridays for downtime, hikes with friends and self-care.