Happy New Year! 5 Practices I’m Focused on for My Highest Healing and Growth in 2022

I had an intuitive hit while on my 2-week content sabbatical. I’m going to share more about myself. In many ways, you and I are on similar journeys. Sure, when it comes to body image and intuitive eating, we may have different healing experiences. But, on many levels, I’m experiencing what you’re experiencing, and you're experiencing what I am. It’s just the way the world works. 

I hope that by sharing what’s happening for me, you’ll feel less crazy, less alone and have a more palpable sense of relief. Like, “Phew- someone is going through the same thing I’m going through.”  I get how important it is to not feel alone. 

So, As we kick off this new year, here are five practices I’m focused on. 

#1: Living inside of my body through the lens of my nervous system. 

Thankfully, I’m surrounded by some pretty kick-ass healers and educators around trauma, embodiment and self-regulation. I’m becoming very aware of how often my body gets kicked into flight or fight, or when I shut down and freeze. This morning, I created a nest for myself in my office. I have a rolled-up towel behind my lower back and I have a weighted scarf on my lap. As I felt this support, I noticed an immediate softening. It was like my body said, “Yes, please.” In 2022, I want more “yes pleases”. This is my body’s way of sharing with me that it feels safe. 

#2: Accepting pain. 

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with pain. You, too?  The lesson has been in front of me from the beginning, and in 2022, I’m letting in something new around injury, pain and healing. Through the years, I’ve said to this pain over and over, please go away. I don’t want you. You’re in my way, you’re stopping me from getting what I want. I realized in my recent journaling that the conversation I’m having with and about the pain I’m experiencing is ALL lies. The “painful” truth is that in some ways, I’ve let my pain be a welcomed distraction. All of my appointments, all of the time and energy I’ve been spending trying to make my pain go away has been a way of me trying to fix my body. But the truth is, my body can be in pain and not be broken. Pain can just be information, not something that summons fear of my future or blame from my past. In 2022, pain is something that I can not only accept, but it’s also something I can choose for myself. 

#3: Allowing myself the grace to be fully ME. 

For decades. For as long as I can remember. I’ve been working to this higher standard that I believed I needed to meet. This standard, you can call it perfection, or you can call it impossible, consistently kicked my ass. Trying to achieve, work, and be this standard has been incredibly exhausting. I always felt like I was never doing enough and I should be doing more. Where did this standard come from? Why have I been designing my life to meet it? What price have I paid while trying? All good questions and ones that I’ll be answering in my next book (plans to publish in late 2022). Being fully me means that I work with my energy, genius and softness. Instead of trying so hard and proving myself, I’m putting my focus on living in a flow state of ease and gentleness. This feels foreign at times. And uncomfortable. Like when I rest in the middle of the day and let my body restore. Instead of pushing, I’m just tuning into myself and offering myself what I know I need. This feels light. And free. 

#4: Continue to love my relationship with food. 

Last night I was enjoying a brownie with milk. An old conversation crept in that said “you shouldn’t be eating this.” Noticing this was liberating. I’ve let go of so many food rules, and yet guilt can be an old familiar friend that likes to show up every once in a while. My motto continues to be “preference, not perfection”. I got this from my friend Jennifer Kreatsolous’s forthcoming book The Courageous Path to Healing. This motto offers me both guidance and confirmation. My food choices are mine to make. Perfection is something that I get to define. Diet culture tries to define perfect eating for us, but it’s fictitious. In 2022, I’m going to notice and cultivate my relationship with food because I know it will open up more personal growth and expansion.  

#5: Exploring what’s nourishing. 

In the past year or so, I’ve been sitting with what I’m consuming for movies, TV, videos and social media. I haven’t always had discernment around what feels good and what doesn’t. I’ve let in information just because it’s available. I’ve been passive and in some ways, asleep.  But now, I shut that shit down if it doesn’t feel right. I notice what shows I like to watch, and what ones just don’t keep my interest or leave me feeling anxious. I’m paying attention to what books I like to read that fills me. I’m starting to notice all of the different interactions in my life that feel nourishing. It can be driving in my car, walking to the mailbox, or sipping warm tea. In 2022, exploring what’s nourishing for me is a way that I practice honoring my unique needs and desires. 

 How about you? Do you have any practices that you’ll start this year? 

It’s common to want to FIX your struggles with food and your weight. Common. But not helpful.

When you’re trying to fix, 

• You may be thinking…. I need to STOP overeating, STOP eating emotionally, STOP eating the wrong foods. 

• You may feel really urgent (maybe even panicked) to find a solution (program, coach, or book) that will take away the struggle. 

• You likely beat yourself up and feel bad when you overeat or emotionally eat. It’s generally right after these situations that you want “to fix” most. 

The most common forms of fixing are food restriction, rigorous dieting and more frequent or longer exercise.  

If you’re trying to fix your relationship with food and bodies, you’ve likely forgotten: 

• Your body is universally perfect because it’s here on earth. You came into this world divinely and nothing has changed. It’s only our culture and the biases we’ve absorbed that have led us to believe that something is wrong. 

• Disordered patterns with food are coping mechanisms. You’ve put them in place to keep yourself safe and protected. 

• By trying to fix unwanted behavior, you may spend more time and energy on the behavior instead of inviting in healing the part of you that created the unwanted behavior in the first place. 

When we try to fix, we see ourselves as wrong or broken. 

And this is simply not true. 

And, you’re not wrong for wanting to fix something painful! Of course, you want your life to be better. 

My invitation to you is to notice when you want to fix. When you catch yourself, gently remind yourself that the way to heal is through connecting with your inner state and practicing self-compassion. 

Healing Your Relationship With Food Starts With Accepting Where You Are

You’re exactly where you’re meant to be, even when you don’t like it

“I just need to get through this.”

“If I could just figure this one problem out, my life will get better.”

“I’ll do things differently tomorrow.”

This is the language of wishing and hoping our life will change. And we all want something different, don’t we?

If you’re like my clients and want to change your relationship with food, you may say things like:

• “I just need to stop overeating.“

• “If I could just figure out why I’m so out of control around food, my life will get better.”

• “I’ll eat better tomorrow.”

Let’s consider Donna. Donna’s freakin’ exhausted by her relationship with food. She binged on tortilla chips last night and hated how her body felt when she went to bed.

Donna woke up this morning with fresh resolve. She promised herself that today would be different. Yet by mid-afternoon, she was so hungry that she couldn’t stop herself from overeating.

Familiar painful patterns get the best of us. We stay in them, hoping and wishing for them to change.

If you can relate, I’d like for you to consider one universal truth:

You are exactly where you’re meant to be.

That includes Donna. As frustrated as she may be.

We fight, we argue, we wish and we hope our problems away. Does that ever help us make a change?

We hate our problems

Our problems don’t feel good. They’re painful. Your overstuffed belly hurts. When you don’t like how your clothes fit, the heaviness of shame makes you want to hide safely under the covers.

It’s not just the problem we hate, we judge ourselves for having these problems. You may not even realize you’re doing this. It may happen so naturally.

Start to notice how you talk to yourself about your relationship with food and your body. Words like “I should!”, “Why this?!”, and “If only!” are typical ways we judge ourselves.

When we are so busy judging and criticizing ourselves for our problems, it’s difficult to move ourselves to a place where we can entertain a new solution. All of our energy is so focused on what’s wrong, we don’t have the capacity or headspace to consider how to move in a new direction.

Recognizing that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be means you can stop fighting with yourself around your problem.

Can you feel the relief in that?

We’re afraid that if we accept our problems then our problems won’t change

Many of us are under the misconception that guilt is a motivator. The thinking goes that If we feel ashamed enough by our actions, then we will be driven to change them.

Is the whipping of a stick ever motivating?

Chances are, no. The carrot, in essence, acceptance, is a true motivator.

When you feel the shift of knowing you’re exactly where you’re meant to be, you’ll offer yourself more compassion.

Guilt is part of an old paradigm. It’s time to let it go. Solving your problems can come from a motivation fueled by kindness.

We can accept our problems and still want them to change

Consider you’re going on a long road trip. When you load your destination into your favorite GPS app, the first thing it does is determine your starting point.

Without acknowledging where you’re starting, how do you know how to go where you want to go?

By accepting what your relationship with food is right now, without judgment, you can acknowledge it fully. How have your current patterns with food benefited you? How have they hurt you?

As you consider ‘your problem’ from all angles, it may not be quite the problem you thought it was. As you accept what’s been painful, you may start to see how many unmet needs these patterns have tried to meet.

By definition, you are where you’re meant to be. Simply because you are. Arguing with this truth is arguing with reality. When we know in our heart of hearts that we are exactly where we are meant to be, we can let our patterns, situations, or circumstances just be.

What opens up for you when you’re no longer blaming yourself for your problems? When you don’t need guilt to motivate you? When you can do two things at once, accept your patterns AND choose to change them?

Let this new energy move through you. Let it move you forward.

Because, at this moment, you’re exactly where you need to be.