What do you do or avoid doing to not draw attention to yourself?
When I was in middle school, Mrs. Doyle called on me in math class. "Tara, you know the answer to this question." I did. She was right. But I didn't want the rest of the class to know.
My middle school self only knew I didn't want people looking at me. Now I know that speaking up in class was risky. I was bringing attention to myself; an opportunity for others to judge me.
When I sat quietly in class, I was keeping myself safe.
I now understand enough about safety and how humans protect themselves to appreciate how resourceful I was. If you've been flying under the radar by not sharing your ideas or asking insightful questions, you're also likely protecting yourself.
We hear common advice like "be fearless", "be bold" and "lean in".
It's important that you establish safety within yourself before you take this advice. Without safety, you'll force yourself to do something that causes stress and anxiety. This is one of the unique aspects of my coaching framework. Feel free to message me if you'd like to learn more.
When I was 12, not speaking up in class was the only way I knew to keep myself safe. Now, flying under the radar isn't helpful. It's painful because a force inside of us stays dormant. We don't acknowledge or recognize it within ourselves. Therefore we don't appreciate it and value it.
In summary-
- Recognize when you're flying under the radar.
- Appreciate how you've been keeping yourself safe.
- Practice creating safety for yourself. Reach out to me if you need more support.
- Experiment with ways to share your ideas and insights. Take small steps.
Do You Avoid Speaking Up In Meetings?
Do you want to post your ideas on social media, but something always holds you back?
Years ago, my first business coach advised me to start blogging and sending a weekly newsletter. All of my doubts and fears flooded in. “I have nothing to say.” “People will think this is stupid, that I'm stupid.” “What if they disagree with me?”
I was feeling like an imposter.
Who was I to speak up and share my ideas?
What if people realized I didn't know what I was talking about?
I created some strategies to work through this, like detaching myself from people’s reaction to my writing. How others responded was outside of my control. I also got clear around why I wanted to write; it made me a better writer. That clarity trumped my inner-critic.
Working through the experience of being an imposter isn't about crushing your fears or forcing yourself to do something you don't feel safe doing.
And, there is a cost. Not speaking up and sharing your ideas, whether it's in a conference room or on Linked In, hurts. It hurts to not be heard and dampen your expression. It hurts your career when you fly under the radar. It hurts your organization when you stay silent instead of challenging the status quo.
Not speaking up and flying under the radar are common responses to feeling like an imposter. This is normal. And, it doesn't need to hold you back.