** Friends, I’m not a weight loss coach. I take a weight-neutral approach in my work, which means I advocate for you to thrive in your life with your body at any size.
In this post, I am talking about the complexity of weight loss. I’m not advocating for weight loss or sharing with you tips or tricks on how to lose weight. I’m not implying you need to lose weight. **
In my early 30’s I joined a commercial diet plan and lost a good deal of weight in a short time.
This was right around my birthday, so my husband took me on a shopping spree. I got to “celebrate” my smaller body with cute clothes.
Everyone noticed, including my step-father who said “Tara, there isn’t going to be much left of you.”
Thanks to diet culture, we’ve learned to celebrate and acknowledge weight loss and thin bodies. Way to go, they say, keep up the good work. You look so beautiful, they say.
You know all of this and probably have experienced it first hand.
Yet, the impact of these comments goes deeper than you imagine.
What we likely hear is, what was wrong with my body before I lost weight? Was I that disgusting before?
But, we also FEEL the watchful eyes on our bodies. As they notice our body weight, we immediately feel judged. Even if their comments seem kind and encouraging. The comments imply that our thin body is worth more than our bigger body.
When it felt like all eyes were on me (after weight loss), I was on high alert. I was anticipating the next comment and trying to be prepared. When I wasn’t expecting it, the comment would arrive and I wish I could cover my head, pull my knees to my chest and hide under a blanket.
Our body knows when it’s being judged. Now I know what was happening to me. My body was in a state of fight and freeze.
Comments on your body or comments made to you about other bodies likely put you on high alert, make you feel judged, and trigger a shame response.
A shame response is how your body reacts when it perceives a threat and tries to keep you safe (fight/ flight or freeze).
As you’ve been living in this dynamic for most of your life, in the back of your mind you may be thinking, I need to lose weight. I want to drop 10 pounds. I want to finally get thinner.
But, is it safe for you to lose weight?
No. It’s not.
A part of you may be saying:
Don’t see me because I’m not lovable the way I am.
Don’t see me because I’m not safe when you see me.
This is why weight loss is so complex.
Because there is a part of your mind and body that knows that your thinner body will only get more attention. It may be “positive” attention on the surface, but it’s still judgment.
And that attention doesn’t create safety in your body. It does the opposite. It creates fear. When we feel fear, our nervous system automatically responds. We can’t override it, no matter how hard we try.
There is a good chance that you’ve been blaming yourself for your weight loss failures. You may be wondering if you just haven't found the right diet yet that will work for you. You’ve been wondering how to find more discipline and motivation to eat the “right” way.
Besides the fact that 95% of diets only lead to weight gain in the long term, you’ve likely been living with inner conflict around being safely seen in your body.
Every human wants to be seen, and feel loved, just the way they are.
Diet culture convinces us that weight loss is the way to feel loved. But the only way to feel loved is to live and feel safe in our bodies.