There was a time in my life when every morning, my first thought was, “I want to have a perfect day with food.” It was part mantra, part prayer.
I was trying to use sheer will to eat the right foods and avoid the wrong ones. I hoped that if I asked God, the universe, or anyone or anything that was listening to my wish, they would help me.
Are you trying to have a perfect day with food?
You don’t need to be on an official diet to be trying to eat perfectly. If you’re trying to lose weight and get healthy, you have a pretty good idea of what foods you should be eating and which ones you shouldn’t.
It’s common to adopt an internal diet voice, which is that little voice that is constantly monitoring what you’re eating and telling you that you’re being good or you’re being bad.
When you’re trying to be perfect, it means that you’re trying to be 100% compliant when following food rules and never break a single one of them.
Yet, let’s look at what happens when you’re trying to be perfect.
The day starts perfectly.
It always does. And then, as the day goes on, life happens. You get an unexpected call from the kid’s school. You have one of those uncomfortable conversations with a family member. You receive an unexpected bill and worry about money.
Or, you drive by your favorite bakery. You go to a networking event that’s serving cookies or muffins and you think, just one won’t hurt.
Life happens. Everyday life with stressors, discomfort, surprises, ups, and downs. And, food, which is just a part of life, happens to be around and available.
The moment you take one bite, your perfect day just disappears. In the blink of an eye, or one small bite.
One bite makes the day wrong.
You’ve already blown it. Like a switch that got flipped, you can’t have a perfect day with food. Who cares? You mine as well eat what you want. So you’ll eat the bad and forbidden foods that you’re not allowing yourself to eat on a perfect day.
After all, tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow, you’ll start again.
But there is something else. You don’t get to just eat what you want without paying a price. You’ll go off the rails, but you won’t do it without feeling guilty and ashamed about what you’re eating.
When you’re not doing it perfectly, you’re feeling bad about yourself.
The embarrassment and shame of eating so badly feels so dark and uncomfortable. You wish you could hide and maybe even disappear. But you can’t.
You may even wonder if something is wrong with you. “Why do I eat like this?” “Why can’t I stop myself from this madness?”
You can only try to hide the disappointment in yourself. And the best way to do that is with redemption.
The only way to feel better is to promise yourself that tomorrow will be different.
A contract is made. You know you can’t do anything about how you ate today, but you can eat perfectly tomorrow. You’ll pay the price, you know you will. The promise of tomorrow is like a glimmer of light that pulls you through.
It even gives you a little lift of optimism. When the sun rises, you’ll get a fresh start. You go to bed with a clear plan on how to be perfect with food and a glimmer of hope in your heart.
The next day starts perfectly. Because it always does.
And the pattern repeats like Groundhog Day.
The destructive cycle of trying to be perfect with food only gives you shame and self-doubt. And, the ironic part is that you’re likely overeating foods that don’t feel great in your body.
Trying to be perfect around food is a lose-lose. You’re working so hard to attain the unattainable.
There is no such thing as perfect eating when you’re trying to eat to someone else’s perfect standards. It’s impossible.
And, because human bodies won’t tolerate food restriction (mentally or physically), it will retaliate and override your desires for perfection. Overeating and binge eating is inevitable.
But more importantly, feeling so much shame and embarrassment is not healthy. You deserve to feel good in your body and have confidence in your food choices.
Perfectionism is getting in the way of true health and vitality.
Start to notice how the destructive cycle of your attempts at perfect eating is impacting your mental and emotional health. Your well-being isn’t worth sacrificing.
Create a new, kinder standard for yourself around food. Nourishing yourself in alignment with your values around your health and how you want to live your life.
When you start to feel that shame and embarrassment, instead of reacting by restricting more, ease up. Be compassionate as you practice forgiveness.
Gently start to give yourself permission to replace perfectionism (and the need to follow external rules) with listening to your body and your inner guidance.
It’s okay to let go of needing to be perfect around food.
It may be scary as you start to let go of perfectionism around food. You may be believing that rigidity is required to keep you in control. I get that.
As you explore this pattern for yourself, and start listening to the signals your body is sharing with you, you’ll discover that you can trust yourself around food. That’s a pattern worth repeating over and over again.