You’re exactly where you’re meant to be, even when you don’t like it
“I just need to get through this.”
“If I could just figure this one problem out, my life will get better.”
“I’ll do things differently tomorrow.”
This is the language of wishing and hoping our life will change. And we all want something different, don’t we?
If you’re like my clients and want to change your relationship with food, you may say things like:
“I just need to stop overeating.“
“If I could just figure out why I’m so out of control around food, my life will get better.”
“I’ll eat better tomorrow.”
Let’s consider Donna. Donna’s freakin’ exhausted by her relationship with food. She binged on tortilla chips last night and hated how her body felt when she went to bed.
Donna woke up this morning with fresh resolve. She promised herself that today would be different. Yet by mid-afternoon, she was so hungry that she couldn’t stop herself from overeating.
Familiar painful patterns get the best of us. We stay in them, hoping and wishing for them to change.
If you can relate, I’d like for you to consider one universal truth:
You are exactly where you’re meant to be.
That includes Donna. As frustrated as she may be.
We fight, we argue, we wish and we hope our problems away. Does that ever help us make a change?
We hate our problems
Our problems don’t feel good. They’re painful. Your overstuffed belly hurts. When you don’t like how your clothes fit, the heaviness of shame makes you want to hide safely under the covers.
It’s not just the problem we hate, we judge ourselves for having these problems. You may not even realize you’re doing this. It may happen so naturally.
Start to notice how you talk to yourself about your relationship with food and your body. Words like “I should!”, “Why this?!”, and “If only!” are typical ways we judge ourselves.
When we are so busy judging and criticizing ourselves for our problems, it’s difficult to move ourselves to a place where we can entertain a new solution. All of our energy is so focused on what’s wrong, we don’t have the capacity or headspace to consider how to move in a new direction.
Recognizing that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be means you can stop fighting with yourself around your problem.
Can you feel the relief in that?
We’re afraid that if we accept our problems then our problems won’t change
Many of us are under the misconception that guilt is a motivator. The thinking goes that If we feel ashamed enough by our actions, then we will be driven to change them.
Is the whipping of a stick ever motivating?
Chances are, no. The carrot, in essence, acceptance, is a true motivator.
When you feel the shift of knowing you’re exactly where you’re meant to be, you’ll offer yourself more compassion.
Guilt is part of an old paradigm. It’s time to let it go. Solving your problems can come from a motivation fueled by kindness.
We can accept our problems and still want them to change
Consider you’re going on a long road trip. When you load your destination into your favorite GPS app, the first thing it does is determine your starting point.
Without acknowledging where you’re starting, how do you know how to go where you want to go?
By accepting what your relationship with food is right now, without judgment, you can acknowledge it fully. How have your current patterns with food benefited you? How have they hurt you?
As you consider ‘your problem’ from all angles, it may not be quite the problem you thought it was. As you accept what’s been painful, you may start to see how many unmet needs these patterns have tried to meet.
By definition, you are where you’re meant to be. Simply because you are. Arguing with this truth is arguing with reality. When we know in our heart of hearts that we are exactly where we are meant to be, we can let our patterns, situations, or circumstances just be.
What opens up for you when you’re no longer blaming yourself for your problems? When you don’t need guilt to motivate you? When you can do two things at once, accept your patterns AND choose to change them?
Let this new energy move through you. Let it move you forward.
Because, at this moment, you’re exactly where you need to be.