My dearest belly~
I need to tell you something.
For years, I judged you. I hurt you. I hid you.
You weren’t small enough, you weren’t slim enough. You just weren’t enough. Period.
I let you get empty. I overfilled you.
Your growls woke me up at night, but I ignored them. Your hunger made me happy. It meant my body was shrinking.
When you couldn’t move, because moving was too painful, I hated you more. I punished you with kale, crunches, and cardio.
I was trying to make you into something that was enough.
I ignored you when all you asked was that I listen. I tried to change you and fix you when all you asked was that I acknowledge you. I punished you, and in return, you kept doing what you do best. Being MY belly.
My dear belly, I’m very sorry for how I treated you in the past. I’m suspecting you haven’t trusted me to honor your hunger and respect your fullness.
I was under a spell. A shame spell that I was born into. This spell convinced me that my body was only worthy of love if it was slim and lean. I didn’t realize I was under this spell. Thankfully, I now know where the spell came from and who casted it. #dietculture #bodyliberation
Recognizing this spell hasn’t erased the shame it created. I wish it did. But, I can feel shame for you at times and still be fully committed to loving you.
Even as I share this letter to you with friends and anyone who chooses to read it, along with a picture of you and I, I wonder if they will judge us. Coming out of hiding is uncomfortable.
Over the past few years, I’ve worked hard to restore trust between us. I ask you questions and I wait patiently for you to respond. Now, I honor and seek your guidance.
Between you and I, the only thing that needs to change is my view of beauty and power. Your curves, fullness and flesh are divinely perfect. Your size is just one thing, among many, that makes me so grateful for you.
I see you. I know you. I love you.
You are me. I am you.
Tara