I often don’t notice shame until I start feeling like shit. Which is an interesting way to describe how I’m feeling because I’ve been there many times. It’s an old and familiar place within me.
Hello, heaviness. Hello, darkness. Hello, old friend.
When I’m in this shitty place, my mind is so busy looking for what’s wrong.
? What’s wrong with my business.
? What’s wrong with how I ate today.
? What’s wrong with how my jeans fit.
? What’s wrong with my bank account.
? What’s wrong with that new pimple on my cheek (damn, is it the new moisturizer I just bought? Should I stop using it? But I love how it feels on my skin! ;( Crap!).
Something is wrong. I’m wrong. Life is wrong. It’s all wrong.
No wonder I’m feeling weighed down.
But it doesn’t stop there.
The “wrongs” are accompanied by the “shoulds” and the “shouldn’ts”.
I shouldn’t be questioning my food choices. I shouldn’t be judging my body. My business should be growing faster. My skin should be clearer.
This conversation in my mind is automatic. Until I’m awakened while starting my yoga practice.
I didn’t want to unroll my mat this morning and sit my ass on my meditation cushion. But I’ve learned the hard way. The days I don’t want to be still are the days I need it the most. When I’m feeling bad, this is at least one thing I can do that will offer me some relief.
After just a few short minutes, in a whisper, I hear “you’re feeling shame”.
I search for where I can feel this shame in my body. But I can’t locate it specifically.
That’s okay. I know what to do with shame.
I witness it. I bring it to the light. I write about it. I share it.
I don’t need to hold this darkness inside of me where it will grow. The moment I’m willing to be with it is the moment I feel tender relief. It no longer has a hold on me.
I get to be free.
If you’re wanting to release yourself from the heaviness of shame, consider these steps:
A daily practice of awareness and stillness (especially when you don’t want to).
A practice that creates safety in your body (yoga, time outside, rest).
A heavy dose of compassion toward yourself. Let go of the rigidity of perfectionism.
Take yourself lightly. When I get serious with myself, I know that shame may be lurking in a dark corner.
Being with your shame and darkness is a tremendous opportunity for healing. Witnessing your shame takes vulnerability. It’s raw. And so worth it.
You don’t need to hide and carry the belief that you’re not worthy of love and belonging. Tread lightly and gently. And let the light shine in.