A mutual friend shared one of my short courses on social media. Julie (not her real name) signed up right away. After the course, Julie and I worked together in my 3 month One-to-One Coaching program. After a year, I interviewed her for this client case study.
Julie was struggling with food. She was restricting and overeating and knew it was taking too much of her time and energy. She also didn’t like her body, which really bothered her. She wanted to accept her body, but she didn’t want to gain weight.
Allowing All Foods
When Julie started to give herself permission to eat what she previously labeled “forbidden” foods, it was really scary. She had to keep letting go of this fear, so she could eventually trust her instincts.
She learned to recognize that scared voice that said “you can’t have that” and knew this voice couldn’t be trusted. This took time.
She called 2020 the year of ice cream. She allowed herself ice cream when she wanted it. She kept allowing herself guilt-free ice cream and enjoyed each bite.
This process of habituation is an important one and is unique for each person. While allowing yourself foods that you had previously forbidden, those foods eventually lose their novelty. Instead of eating them with guilt, shame, or because you want to treat yourself, these foods become emotionally neutral and you feel indifferent to them.
Eventually, something changed. Ice cream stopped having power over her.
Julie is now free to have all foods that she likes to have in her home without worrying that she’ll overindulge. She also knows that if she wants to, she can overindulge, and that’s okay.
Exploring How To Value Herself
Julie and I explored some deeper themes around how she valued herself. She became aware of the beliefs and patterns that made her feel bad about herself and she saw the role that food played.
She could see that when she didn’t feel good enough, she could identify the external expectations and outside influences that drove her to diet, to begin with.
As she gained awareness that it wasn’t her, it was outside of her, she could take her own power back and value herself on her own terms.
Specifically, the impact of this transformation came through in her relationship with her body and her dating life.
Letting Go of the (Unrealistic) Thin Ideal
Julie started to change the dialogue she had in her head about her body. She shared with me how she talks to her body now, which sounds like a beautiful companionship.
She shared:
“Maybe this is just who I’m meant to be. If I just accept that my body is what it is, and I’m eating healthy and feeling good, then I don’t have to change it. I may never be that skinny version of me, but my body is changing and it’s still amazing.”
I’m Happy On My Own
Julie realized that if people were judging her for how she looked, she didn’t want them in her life. She was able to come to a genuine place of liking herself, including being okay with being on her own. She realized that companionship for the sake of being with someone wasn’t going to help her like herself.
Julie has dropped an old narrative that she’s frumpy and middle-aged and embodies her own vitality and zest for life.
She now knows how to move forward, adjust her direction as needed and be flexible when life throws her unexpected curve balls.
If I gain weight, I gain weight
Initially, Julie gained weight. And as hard as it was, she was okay with that. She was working through bigger things.
She shared “If this brings me back to a place of balance, I’m going to trust the process. And it did.” Eventually, the weight that came on, came off.
A few other things that helped Julie was:
Reading my book Hungry: Trust Your Body and Free Your Mind around Food. This gave her compassion for her own journey and an appreciation for how long the journey may take.
Recognizing that her voice in her head doesn’t matter and that she can let her thoughts go.
Getting an understanding of what she was really fearful of and what to do with those fears.
Food Freedom and Body Appreciation
“I opened a sleeve of girl scout cookies, ate a couple, came back because I wanted a couple more. Then, I was satisfied.
A year or so ago, I wouldn’t have done that. I didn’t eat the whole sleeve.”
“I’m in a really good place. It’s taken time. I had to let things go and trust in a process that seems scary. Our sessions allowed me to dig and explore what I may not have on my own. You gave me the tools to continue to do the work that I needed to do in my own time.
Thank you for the work we did together- it was a wonderful experience for me and I would recommend it to anyone.”
As she continues to appreciate her body and her relationship with food doesn’t have power over her, her body weight has adjusted. (Weight loss was not a focus of the work Julie and I did together).
I’m personally inspired by Julie’s undeniable respect and admiration she has for her own body. She recently had surgery that has left scars on her lower belly.
She told me, “My body is beautiful. I think my scars are gorgeous.”