Love The World Because The World Loves You

I popped into Walgreens the other day to pick up a few things and couldn’t help but to notice the 50% off Valentine’s Day candies and stuffed animals. The Easter candy going up on the other side of the aisle also served as a reminder that the holiday of love came and went. Mark and I had a really nice long over due dinner at a restaurant that we have gone to every Valentine’s Day since we moved up here to New Hampshire. Without taking away from the celebration and the appreciation that can come from Valentine’s Day, I’ve come to experience love in a much different way. It sits underneath the surface of the love I share with my family and friends, but it expands so much farther and wider than I can often imagine.

Here is how I have come to know love.

~ Love can expand infinitely when we are in the present moment and shrink drastically when we our thoughts and views are coming from either the past or the future.

~Love is a choice we make.

~Love isn’t something we earn or is something than can be taken away.

~Love is a verb and is a practice.

~Love and fear are the exact opposites.

~Love is defenseless.

~Love is generous.

Love comes from within me. It’s something I connect with. It’s not something I can find in the kindness and thoughtfulness of others or notice the lack of it with hurtful words and actions.

Over the years, I’ve taken a hard look at past relationships. Why are their words and actions still hurting me? Are they still staying those things or am I still saying them to myself? Are they still hurting me or am I revisiting my memories that hurt? Through this insight and willingness to accept me and the people in my life exactly as we are, I’ve come to see love in a much more powerful way. The only thing that gets in the way from me loving them, is some how believing that what they did or said to me meant I wasn’t lovable.

I am love. You are love. It’s not something we need to seek because it lives within us. Think of love as a source of energy. The more we use the energy, the stronger and more expansive it becomes. Our practice, whether it be on Valentine’s day or the other 364 days of the year, is connecting with that source again and again.

Where to Look

In the past I looked outside of myself for the answers. If I wanted to lose weight, I looked for a program or diet to follow. If I wanted to run faster, I searched for a book to read. If I felt anxious and sad, I sought out a therapist. Surely, someone or something else had the answers and I was going to find them. At the time, I wanted to improve myself and I thought someone else knew better than me. Researchers, scientists, health professionals, even the government spread a wide range of valuable information around how we should live based on averages. They share what foods to avoid and which ones we can’t eat enough of. They know how much sleep on average we should get and on average the right amount of water we should drink to keep hydrated. For a long time, I put much of my unquestionable faith in these experts. After all, they did research, studied and had all sorts of average solutions for people who were sort of like me. I didn’t realize there was a different approach.

Then I started connecting and listening to my own body. I am now noticing how my body reacts to certain foods. Do they make me tired and bloated, or light and alive? I notice what workouts leave me feeling energized. And more importantly, when I feel overwhelmed, stressed or anxious; I can stop, breath, experience and observe all of the sensations in my body and learn from them. The uncomfortable disappears.

This has been an imperfect process. It’s been filled with miracles, frustrations, and also big insights into who I am and what works for me. I am waking up to my own body and my own spirit. Sometimes I listen and sometimes I don’t care to. That is also part of connecting. I can see when I’m connected and see when I’m not. Before, I didn’t see any other options but to look somewhere else. Now, I realize there is only one option. I am my own best health professional. I can be open to the valuable information coming from the outside, but now I try it on for myself first. I am trusting and curious. I am fully responsible for me. After all, the answers lie within me. They always have.

The Hurricane

This particular Saturday morning did not go as planned. With each of my three kids going in different directions starting at 6:45am, and my husband away for the weekend, I needed to be on my game. Instead, I overslept- waking up 15 minutes before we we're suppose to be at the football field. I felt like "Hurricane Tara" arriving at the school as I was speeding in, slamming doors, hustling over to where we were supposes to be and clearly creating a wake in my path. When I saw my son’s coach he said “It's okay, just breath". As a yoga studio owner, that felt a little embarrassing to hear from a football coach. At the same time, a friend nearby jokingly said to me, “Ya, isn't that what you tell your yoga students? You are not a great advertisement for your yoga studio right now". They were both right. I immediately felt guilty and a bit bummed at myself for that showdown. The good news is that it gave me some insight.

When we are living authentically, we have nothing to defend. Sure, we all develop expectations and judgments of people, the roles they play and how we would like them to act around us. I know that I like the grocery store bagger to know how to bag groceries. I want my kids teachers to be respectful, enthusiastic, and care about their students. I want my car mechanic to not unnecessarily charge me an arm and leg to fix my car. But the funny thing is that if I were to see any of them outside of the grocery store, school, or auto body shop, aside from breaking the law, I don’t expect much from them. And herein lies what makes teaching yoga and owning a yoga studio so amazing. We’ve created a built in mechanism to stay committed to our journey and the process we are teaching. It’s so natural that my yoga students and my community may expect me to be mindful, peaceful, relaxed and not stressed out when they see me outside of the studio. I expect the same thing for myself. They may even expect me to be a vegetarian, not drink beer or coffee, and drive a Prius with a Namaste bumper sticker on the back. And I have no problem with any of those expectations. Their expectations are their business. I may not meet any of them or I may not meet them 100% of the time. I don’t need to apologize, defend myself or beat myself up about it. My practice is waking up and catching myself when I am not living true to my word.

You don’t have to be a yoga teacher to stay committed to being yourself. Being yourself takes little to no work at all. Can you see areas or situations in your life that feel heavy or forced? Where are you applying a lot of effort to hide or try to show a made up version of yourself? Getting to the football field the other morning felt pretty stressful. I was worried I was letting people down (my son especially) but also when I take a hard look, I was afraid of looking bad. After all of that, being late the other morning did not really create any problems for anyone. But it did give me an opportunity to catch myself trying too hard, hiding behind my self-imposed stress and taking myself way to seriously.

I can now think back to that morning and smile at “Hurricane Tara”. If it were not for her, I wouldn’t feel as peaceful and connected as I do right now.

My Pact

We had an active weekend in Maine. The boys are starting their football season, Anna is getting ready to begin her first season running cross country and Mark got recruited to run Reach the Beach (a 24 hour 200 mile team run) last minute. We spent a few mornings running, doing some push-ups, squats, forearm planks and taking advantage of some down time to improve our conditioning. Some of this felt a little more challenging than I would have liked and I noticed some old but familiar self-talk. I felt frustrated and unsettled. I was wishing for a different version of my body; something better conditioned, leaner, more fit. This state of mind has crept in frequently, in different places in my life, for as long as I can remember. Struggling through a 3 mile run and remembering the days when 6 miles came so easily and effortlessly. Feeling so excited to get out the next seasons clothes and noticing that the shorts from last summer don’t fit as well as I’d like them to. Or maybe seeing a picture of a woman in a magazine wearing a super cute dress thinking, I wish I could wear that dress and look like that. When I would share my frustration of my body to my husband, he would respond with the same response I would to anyone I love. “I love you just the way you are.” It didn’t matter what he thought or if I heard the same thing from Brad Pitt. What he said, although appreciated, didn’t change the way I thought about myself. The change in my thinking had to come from me.

What made a difference for me was when I created a pact with myself. A pact rooted in gratitude, respect and trust. I didn’t realize I was doing this at the time. But somewhere along the way, I got a glimpse of insight that I am not my body, and the number on a scale or the size of my jeans does not measure my worth. Instead, I could see that my body is the home of my spirit and my uniqueness. I’ve read my share of body image self help books. Some of them would say, if you don’t like your hips, focus on your shoulders, or if you don’t like your nose, focus on your eyes. I understand the advice around emphasizing the positive, however, I think they are missing the point. Our body and even our health is a reflection of how we feel and think about ourselves. Let the focus be on what’s going on inside, not on the outside.

You have an agreement with yourself already in place. Is it based in acceptance or judgment? Is your agreement nurturing or filled with rules, deprivation and punishment? If you can see that the pact you have with yourself is any less than loving, you MUST shift it. We are here in this lifetime to shine bright and share our best version of ourselves. By embracing ourselves, our bodies and our lives just as we are in this moment, we open a space to create something new. If we continue to beat ourselves up at every turn, ironically, the change we are seeking becomes further and further out of reach because we spend all of our time and energy fighting ourselves.

Life will throw us curve balls where we can easily go from feeling on cloud 9 to being filled with doubts and uncertainties. Just like I experienced over the weekend. That’s when the pact comes in. We can say to ourselves “ I love you just the way you are” and really believe it.

Here is my Pact-

I am grateful for my beating heart and my steady breath. I promise to nurture my body with rest, movement and life giving food. I listen, I trust, I connect. I am complete, just as I am, in this moment.

What’s yours?

This Moment

I arrived on my yoga mat after a few days off and immediately felt antsy. All I could think about was wanting to get “this” over with so I could move onto the next thing.

Thankfully I was in the right place. Yoga was exactly what I needed at that moment. Breathing, moving and sweating gave me access to a more grounded and centered place.

How often do we rush from one thing to the other? Even thinking that the planning for the next moment is more important than the moment we are in? I remember when my kids were toddlers. We would start the day together and I would give them the itinerary. Breakfast, swim lessons, rest, lunch, park, rest, play date, dinner when Daddy get’s home, bed. I would sit with Ryan in Brueggers Bagels and tell him; “okay buddy, we are going to finish lunch, go home for a nap and then walk to the park”. Even though he was probably doing a better job enjoying playing with his blocks and eating his bagel than I was, I was clearly sending him a message around time. Looking back, the message was: have your days planned out and always get ready for what comes next.

I know I'm not alone in this habit. This is our natural response to managing our busy and often over scheduled lives. And I understand that if we didn’t have a general plan to our day, we may be at risk of not accomplishing what’s important. But the downside is, and it’s a big one, we miss out on what’s really happening. We miss the present moment. Funny enough, our focus on the plans for our life often gets in the way of living it. Life is filled with sunshine, smiles, sweetness, disappointments, downturns, accomplishments, celebrations, loneliness, tears and so many thousands of other things to experience. Let's make sure we don't miss a beat.

For me, reminding myself to be in the present moment isn’t enough. Here are some tips to help ground yourself in the here and now:

- First catch yourself. Be aware when you are anywhere but where you are.

- Notice the impact. What do you miss when you are somewhere else? A loved one’s laugh? The smell of fresh air? The sound of the birds?

- Take a breath- a really deep one. Your breath is always in the present moment.

- Move and sweat. Burn off some of that extra energy and center yourself in your body.

- Be firm and gentle all at the same time. Stay committed to living your life in the present moment. When you do catch yourself somewhere else, be gentle when you bring yourself back.

Experiencing your life is not about wishing pieces of it away to get onto the next thing. It’s about trusting. Have faith that what this moment holds for you is just right. Instead of looking past this moment to the next, let’s live the life that’s right in front of us.

Something New

I love it when people and situations in my life wake me up and show me something new. Recently, a friend of mine that I’m teaming up with on a project showed me my tendency to often take on too much and underestimate how long things take. I was suggested that a pretty large project would only take 2-3 months to complete. She practically laughed at me and convincingly told me that the project would really take much longer, more like 6-9 months. When I really sat with it, I felt so much relief. Without even realizing it, she was giving me permission to work on this project with so much more ease instead of a lot of self -imposed stress. A few days after this conversation, I spent 3 days at a Yin Yoga teacher training. I surprised a few of my friends when I told them what I was doing because they know me as someone who loves Power Yoga (the yang or opposite of yin). Taking this training was something I just needed. I loved spending time being propped onto bolsters, sitting on comfy blankets, and dozing off in long shavasanas. All without breaking a sweat. My body and my mind felt so calm and relaxed.

The powerful shifts in our life often come in small and unsuspecting packages. I see the miracles and harmony that comes from lifting my head out of the sand and being willing to see things from a different point of view. It’s about letting go of who I think I am. Am I really just a power yogi? Do I always have to get things done fast and furiously? Obviously not. And I’m so grateful.

Make It Happen

Do you have that one thing that you keep thinking about doing but haven’t quite had a chance to get to yet? That one thing, maybe you do a lot of thinking about it and maybe you even confide in a good friend about it, but it’s still sitting there on the back burner.

I’ve had a few of these “back burners” in 2013. This blog is one. Despite me thinking about blogging almost every day, including having new blog ideas pop into my head while I’m in the shower or driving to the yoga studio, I haven’t sat myself down to blog in over 5 months. My other “back burner” is the organization of my house. I find the clutter and the mess to be pretty overwhelming. I don’t want to think about it but I know that it weighs pretty heavily on me.

The thing is, if our back burners were so easy to do, we all would have them done by now. What do we need in place to take on our hearts desires and to start moving in the direction of our dreams?

For starters, take a look at how you are giving your power away. Are you someone that feels guilty? Do you think to yourself, “I couldn’t possibly do this one thing for myself. After all, I don’t spend enough time with my kids/ my husband/my friends.”  Then there is the fear factor, which so often holds us back without us even knowing it. Fear sneakily shows up in the what ifs? What if people don’t approve? What if I don’t have enough money? What if I fail? Or sometimes we convince ourselves that we what we really want isn’t that important. We tell ourselves that it’s not a big deal, it can wait and it doesn’t really matter. And of course there is time, something we all like to struggle with. There is always to much to do and too little time to do it all. For me, I was constantly telling myself that I didn’t have time to blog and that other things just needed to get done. And with my house, well, maybe having it a bit of a mess wasn’t such a big deal, after all, my life was so full of amazing things, doesn’t a messy house come along with that?

These are just self-imposed barriers. They show up as seemingly valid reasons but are just lame excuses. It’s good to identify our excuses, to catch ourselves and see the warning flags. But we don’t need to analyze them, this will just keep our “back burners” where they are and if we don’t do something differently, it’s where they will always stay.

So are you really ready to take it on?  Are you sure? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to finally move that “back burner” front and center? Then decide. Make a decision. Yes or no. Then give your word to it using language as if you are already doing it. It’s not, “I’ll try to work out today”, I’ll work out today if I have time”, “I hope to work out today” “If it doesn’t snow, I’ll work out today”. It’s – I AM WORKING OUT TODAY (come hell or high water because I said so). And then, deeply honor your word, every day. Remind yourself and recommit every day. What will happen is you will become what you repeatedly do. For me, I am someone with an organized and neat home. I am a blogger. Maybe for you, you are lean, fit and healthy. You are a business owner. You are a guitar player. You are a yogi.  Change your mind about this “back burner” and see it as something fun. Look at your schedule, carve out the time and simply begin.

That day will happen when,for one day or one week, your former “back burner” may temporarily move back to the “back burner”. And it will happen, I promise. Then, what do you do? This is your defining moment. You need to remember why this one thing was so important to you in the first place. Don’t tolerate any more excuses.  Simply recommit. But here is the thing, and it’s critically important, if you feel bad, guilty and ashamed about it, you will go back into the stuckness. That former “back burner” will move back there indefinitely. Instantly forgive yourself, and look at what you need to put in place to ensure you stay committed. Take that one day or one week as an opportunity to look at your life and make some additional changes. Get more refined.  Put some new things in place in your life- ask a friend to keep you accountable; get some help; shuffle your schedule. Do whatever it takes.

Let’s make 2014 one rockin’ year full of fulfilled dreams and clean and organized homes! I met with an organizational expert and she starts next week. I feel so empowered and excited. Believe that your back burners can be your reality. After all, at the end of the day, we will be either left doing the things we said we are going to do, or with our excuses. Make it happen!

Meet Fiona and Felix

About a year ago, my son Garrett asked for a kitten for his birthday. My husband Mark and I tried to brush him off with replies like "we will see", "maybe", and "aren't the two dogs enough"? We also tried telling him that Mom and Dad are allergic to cats (this is true, by the way) and even asked him what happens if our dogs want to eat the kitten? Nothing seemed to work and our persistent son won out. But as Garrett's birthday (May 12th) started quickly approaching, I found myself regretting the decision even more. I've never really considered myself a cat person and just don't really like them. You can't take cats for a walk or hike, or to the lake to swim and when you call them, they often don't come. I haven't met too many friendly cats either. What's their draw? I decided that cats were just not for me. The sneezing when I was in the same room with one made this decision even easier.

But I had to follow through on my word to Garrett. A few weeks ago, I connected with a great organization called Pet Tail's Rescue. They recently drove a big van to South Carolina and brought back 13 dogs and 13 cats from a high kill shelter. I let Garrett have the day off from school and we went to visit one of these little kittens to see if this was going to be Garrett's new life-long playmate.

It took me less than 5 minutes to not only fall in love with the boy kitten that Garrett picked, but also his sweet sister. We drove away that afternoon with not just one kitten, but two sweet, playful little kittens. Since that day, they both continue to melt my heart. I smile every time I see them, laugh at how they play and soften when I see them sleep.

It's so easy to decide that we are one way or another or that we fit into a fixed type (cat people or dog people). It's so easy to decide that we don't have to open our heart to people, places, things and circumstances. After all, protecting ourselves and our heart is the safe thing to do, right? Felix and Fiona, two little beings that I couldn't have possibly imagined in my life a year ago, reminded me what comes from an open mind and an open heart. It feels really good to love these little beings. It feels open and expansive and so much better than not loving all cats at all. And so far, our allergies have not kicked up (crossing my fingers that is stays that way).

What can you open yourself up to today? Do you have an unexpected Fiona and Felix in your life that will open your heart to something bigger?

Loving Not Being Right

I was so excited this past Friday. One of my yoga students is a running coach for a team of school age girls. We arranged a special class just for them and I couldn’t wait to teach these girls (ages 8-11) yoga. I also planned for my daughter Anna, who is 7, to come along with me. I thought it would be fun to have her take a class with girls close to her age.  At the last minute, Anna asked to bring a friend and we picked her up on the way to the studio.

As we waited for the other girls to arrive, Anna and her friend were very helpful as they set up the mats, blocks and straps. They also had a nice time trying some new yoga poses and just goofing around. After the team of girls arrived, Anna’s behavior quickly went south. She clearly had the “I’m not up for listening to Mom” type of attitude and was often doing things on her mat that were completely different than the rest of the group. She was giggling, over the top silly and pretty disruptive.

My mind went into a crazy tail spin. I found myself wanting to be available and enthusiastic with the girls from the team, but at the same time, angry, and frustrated with Anna. I ended up removing Anna and her friend from class, but often still had to check on them and tell them to keep quiet. No matter how many glaring looks of “you are in trouble and wait until we get home” I shot in Anna’s direction, she wasn’t seeing them.  At the same time, the girls from the team were awesome. They were focused, enthusiastic, and willing and I was having a blast teaching them.

We got in the car after class and I think you could probably see the steam coming out of my ears. I talked to Anna and her friend about respect and what kind of situation they put me in. After all, they distracted me from my class in my yoga studio, right? I even told Anna that she had lost her screen time privilege’s for the day, maybe for the full weekend, and maybe even for the whole week! I even told her that I wasn’t going to bring her back into the yoga studio again. And of course, this last part completely broke my heart.  I want my daughter to be a big part of my yoga studio and not forbid her from being there.

I caught up with my Mom after and when I told her what happened all she had to say was- Anna was just looking for your attention.  Yes, but she shouldn’t be behaving that way in my yoga studio, right?  I’m right… right? Over the next few hours, I started to think about what it was like for Anna to be in the studio with all of those girls receiving all of my attention. The next morning, Anna and I had a chat that started with me asking her what it was like for her to be in that yoga class? She said, “well Mommy, when you were coming around showing the poses, you only spent a few minutes with me and more time with the other girls”. She was right. We talked about what could happen next time for her to get the attention from me that she wanted and behave in a way that I could give my attention to her and the full class. She said she wanted to help me teach. I love that idea.

Needing to be right is a relationship crusher. It crushes us off from having a more loving relationship or a relationship at all with family, friends, work colleagues and anyone we want to connect with. When we get hurt, we may automatically feel a need to defend ourselves, to prove our point and to make us the good guy and “them” the bad guy. I was hurt by Anna’s actions during class.  As her mother, I believe I need to teach Anna how to behave in a way that’s courteous and respectful.  But seeing her point of view and working together to make sure we both understand each other opens our relationship up instead of closing a part of it off. Not only that, by proving her wrong and me right, I was only hurting myself more. There is a cost of needing to be right and it’s not worth it. Anna did ultimately receive a consequence for her behavior that day, but she will certainly be back in the studio and who knows, maybe teaching yoga some day soon.

Getting Out of the Mud

Do you feel stuck? Like, feet in the mud and you can’t move no matter how hard you try to lift your legs stuck? Being stuck is such a powerless feeling. You may feel stuck around your job, the relationship you have with a friend or family member, or maybe an illness of someone you love.  Feeling stuck can leave us feeling pretty resigned and complacent, like things will never be any different. For me, I’ve often wondered- how do I ever get myself out of this mess? I can’t see a way out.

For the past few month, I’ve been feeling really stuck around my work schedule. I’ve got too much on my plate and it’s dragging me down.  Yes, I am doing everything I love- hanging with my husband and 3 kids, teaching yoga, creating a beautiful yoga community and continuing to work on my accounting and finance career.  But it ‘s one of those situations where I have too much to do and not enough time to do it in.  I’m sure everyone reading this probably feels the same way about their own schedule! I’m have been feeling overwhelmed and trapped.

Thankfully, I recently had a shift. Thanks to a personal transformation training I attended over the weekend, I now see things differently and I’ve tried it on for myself.

What if we choose what we have? I choose my work schedule. As soon as I said it out loud, I began to relax.  Yes, I choose it!  I choose my work schedule. Now, here comes the shift. I choose to feel calm and peaceful around my work schedule. Is that possible? Well, it wasn’t possible when I was fighting with my work schedule. It wasn’t when I hated my work schedule and I was just looking to fix it. It wasn’t possible when I felt victim to my work schedule and I was so focused on being at the mercy of my work schedule. This feels powerful. I can choose what I have and when I do, I can choose my way of being around that choice. This doesn’t mean I have to like my choice.  Choosing what we have creates ownership.  Since I’ve made this shift, I do feel much more calm and at ease.  I actually feel like I’ve made more time for myself and I’m more focused. I even feel more creative.  Now, if I choose to make a change, I know that I’m making that happen, it’s not happening to me.

I’m no longer stuck in the mud. My feet are on dryer ground and I feel like I can walk or even sprint in any direction I CHOOSE.  How about you? What’s in your life that you choose for yourself?

Dear Blog

Dear Blog~How are you? It’s been a while since I’ve come to visit. I can understand if you’ve been feeling a little neglected. It has been a few months after all. But know that I’ve been thinking of you every day. And often, in my car or in my kitchen, I think of a rockin’ topic to write about. I even think through how the blog entry will begin and how it may end.

So why haven’t I sat down to write it all out, you ask? I think I’ve gotten into some traps that a lot people can get into. Sometimes writing and sharing my thoughts openly and freely can be scary. It can be easy to avoid things we are afraid of. Sometime I think the idea or post needs to be really really good in order to be posted. It can be easy to have that “all or nothing” attitude. And lastly, it’s hard to admit that I’ve been prioritizing less important but more urgent things ahead of you. It can be easy to let others demands of our time take priority over things that really make our heart sing.

As you can see, I have some great excuses why I haven’t written. But I am writing here today. And surprisingly, just taking this step today was pretty easy. I’m grateful for that. I hope you are too.

My Best- Tara

The Real Thing

My friend Heather died last week. There. I wrote it and now it’s out there. It’s extraordinarily sad and it totally sucks. She left behind a loving husband, two young children and friends and family that are in worlds of sadness and pain. Heather was one of those people that the more you got to know her, the more you liked her. She was scary smart, but also modest and really patient. She died after a year long and hard fought battle with pancreatic cancer. When traumatic things happen, I find that I can resort to the facts. I can tell a story that I can stand behind. I’ve created a script or something that I can share with a neighbor when I bump into them at Stop and Shop. For me, it allows me to stay in a safe zone where I won’t break down crying in the parking lot in front of my kids. It allows me to keep functioning throughout my day.

Last week I went to visit a friend, that I can see a lot of myself in, at Mass General Hospital. She was full of cancer and when I saw her I was quickly reminded of what my grandmother looked like when she died of cancer over 25 years ago. I felt heartbroken when I talked to Heather’s husband knowing that at some point he would be a widow and left taking care of 2 children that are the same ages of two of my own. What would my life be like if my husband died? I walked out of the hospital planning out my return trip and wondering how much more suffering Heather could bear. I went to the beach that night with my family, feeling extraordinarily grateful but also guilty- I wish Heather and her family could also enjoy this beautiful summer night at the beach. Why her? I received a text from a mutual friend the following morning. Heather died in her sleep. My whole body sobbed. Thank you God that I had a chance to see her before she left this earth. Memories of our time together came flooding in. I could hear her laugh in my mind- she had the best laugh ever! How could she not be here any more? How could she not be a text message away?

I’m sad. I’m numb. When I talk about my friend dying last week, I may cry. But know that if I do, you’ll be hearing my truth and the real thing.

YES

A neighborhood friend emailed me a while back asking if I wanted to teach kid’s yoga at our elementary school.  I had never imagined myself teaching yoga to kids, but this didn’t seem to be a good enough reason for me to turn this down. As we continued to talk about a possible program, the more and more excited I became and new ideas kept flooding in. I held my first class with the kids last week and it was a joy to see them explore new yoga poses. Sure, I helped stretched some little bodies with yoga, but what I'm really doing is stretching myself and my perceived boundaries. We recently took the kids to Orlando over spring break. As we all descended into Universal, we couldn’t help but notice a roller coaster in the middle of the park called “The Hulk”.  Just like the name implies, it was big and green and looked really scary! Right away, my oldest son, Ryan, began using his powers of persuasion to convince me to go on with him.  I went on The Hulk and it was one of the scariest and fastest roller coasters I've ever been on. I'm glad I did it, but I'm happy to never got on that thing again. By taking on The Hulk, even just once, I reminded myself that my fears are something that I create in my mind. I can acknowledge fear, take a big breath, and move right past it.

I recently got a call from a professional accounting recruiter. He calls me every once in a while when a job crosses his desk that he thinks I’d be a good fit for. He had a temporary job opportunity in Boston.  I heard myself saying, “I have a great person that you can call for this, thank you for thinking of me.” As I hung up the phone, I felt a good deal of relief that I didn’t offer to take on something more into my already busy schedule. By turning this down, I was not compromising the balance and space that I've been trying to establish for myself. Opportunities are crossing our paths all the time. Are you recognizing them? They may come in the form of a phone call, flyer at the coffee shop, or Facebook post. I’m starting to notice that each opportunity gives me more clarity around what I want out of life. Things like creativity, passion, joy, fearlessness, presence, balance, space and trust.  Sure, these opportunities may feel scary and doubtful, but that’s even more reason to not let them pass by.  Start to notice what's right in front of you, buckle your seat belt, throw your hands in the air, and enjoy the ride!

A Perfect Day

Absolutely Amazing! That’s what snowboarding was like a few days ago. We were vacationing in Maine and spent the day at Mt Abram. As I think back to that day, what made it so special? Well, it started as I woke up to fresh snow falling from the sky.  If you are living in New England right now, you know how unusual it is to see it snowing this winter. I was filled with appreciation.  As we were driving to the mountain, I didn’t have any expectations of the day.  I wasn’t sure what it would be like to snowboard while it was snowing, but I felt open and willing. We got on the mountain mid morning and the snow was accumulating pretty fast.  On my very first run, I noticed how my board was just floating in and over the snow with little effort on my part. There was so much ease with no resistance.  I started going down much more challenging trails, ones that I wouldn’t normally take. Falling in the fresh snow felt like falling in a huge vat of cotton balls. It was fun and didn’t hurt one bit.  I was willing to take a risk without a concern of making a mistake.  Run after run, I had a big smile on my face. This was a blast! When I did fall, I just laughed big and got back up.  It was joyful and easy. And probably the biggest thing for me that made it so special, snowboarding that day felt really messy. It wasn’t pretty. My arms were swinging around, my turns were all over the place and I fell a ton. You certainly wouldn’t liken me to Shaun White (okay- maybe just with the crazy hair). But it wasn’t about how it looked that day. I didn’t need to it be neat and pulled together. I gave myself permission to be messy and with that, I felt a huge amount of freedom. I couldn't help but to draw some easy parallels between my snowboarding experience last week and how I want to live my life. Was the snow really what made that day so amazing? Was it something inside me, some clarity or connection? Was I just in a good mood? Does it even matter?

This morning, I woke up deciding to live like I’m on the top of a mountain. And yes, it’s snowing.

Words of Wisdom on The Top of Mt Abram

"This teaches you to trust yourself. You have to do it yourself, no one will do it for you". Funny enough, I heard this from a ski instructor on the top of Mt Abram over the weekend. He was speaking to his new skiers as he was encouraging them to likely head down a tougher trail. I'm so amazed that my yoga not only shows up on my mat but can find me on the top of a mountain in Western Maine. I loved hearing him say to his students (in my own interpretation) "Look- it's entirely up to you. You can ski down this mountain and doubt yourself the whole time. Chances are you will fall on your a$$. If you believe in yourself and what you can do, you are going to own this run. So you decide. I can't do it for you." It reminded me of something I've heard Baron Baptiste say a few times- "Help is not on the way". I'm not sure this ski instructor's students heard him the way I heard him. After all, I was just an innocent and eavesdropping bystander strapping on my snowboard. But, It was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. I needed to hear that I was responsible for enjoying that day and believing that I could make the most of it. That I could be on my snowboard with ease, grace, and connection and that was a powerful choice I could make for myself. My husband, Mark couldn't make it happen for me. Another snowboarding lesson couldn't make it happen for me. Even my daughter, Anna that was complaining of being cold, couldn't make it happen (or not happen) for me. It was up to me.

Thank you Ski Instructor at Mt Abram. Your words matter and I heard them. And yes, I did rock that next run. (Does that sound like a BudLight commercial?) Snowboarding did show me how to trust myself. Along with my yoga, or course.

You Don’t Necessarily Have to Buy a Zoo

How often do we notice that we are afraid to do something and back down? We may be afraid of a conversation with a spouse, parent, or friend because of how we think the conversation will go. We may be afraid to let go of a habit because we think it’s too difficult and we will just end up in failure. We may be afraid to make a major life change, like a career change or a move, because we think being comfortable in the known is better than the uncomfortable in the unknown. My family and I saw “We Bought a Zoo” over the holiday break. In the movie, Matt Damon’s character, Benjamin Mee decides to move his family out of the city into a home with a former zoo attached to it. When Benjamin tries to reconnect with his teenage son, he tells him “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

I love what Benjamin is offering here. My interpretation of this piece of advice is this “Look- there are things in your life that are going to scare the $hit out of you. But it’s just your ego trying to keep you in a comfortable and safe place. Comfortable and safe will not get you the amazing life you are meant to live. Please ignore your ego for just 20 seconds and welcome in the possibility of something awesome”.

Setting fear aside in our lives is a practice. Start small. Start with a big breath and just go for it- whatever that thing is that scares you the most. When you find out that taking some risks in your life doesn’t turn out with the world crashing down around you (like your ego may lead you to believe), then you will be ready to take on more. You can buy your zoo. Just take a deep breath.

I’d love to hear from you. Let me know how it goes!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Hide and Seek is one of my own childhood games that my kids still play. I would love to find the best possible hiding spot and stay there as quietly as I could. I’ve been noticing that I still play Hide and Seek. But for me, it’s less like a childhood game and more like a safe routine that I’ve chosen for myself. I didn’t realize I was even playing. This blog site showed me where I’ve been hiding. I’ve been hiding behind my busy schedule, telling myself that I don’t have time to write and post on this blog. Sneaky, isn’t it? Hiding is just an outlet of fear. It makes sense. We protect ourselves when we are scared. Hiding is a way to protect our selves. But whom are we hiding from? What are we protecting ourselves from? Who is the monster that we created in our mind?

I created a monster in my mind and that monster is my fear of what people may think of me. I can see this monster as something that is not truly a part of me. It’s just something my ego created to protect itself. With this awareness, I can choose to stop hiding. I can stand up and get out of my hiding spot.

Boy, I still love a game of Hide and Seek. But now, I see that the real fun is playing the role of the seeker. The seeker of my truth.

Hello!

Hi. My name is Tara. I’m starting this blog because I want to share my journey. I’m a Mom of 3 kids and 2 dogs. I’m a yoga teacher and a wife.  I live an amazing life and I’m often in awe that it keeps getting better and better! Sure, my perspective isn’t always so clear. Sometimes, I find myself taking 2 steps back to go 3 steps forward. But when I write things down, perspective and insight comes. That’s what I want to share.  I’m reaching for the stars, join me and we will ride together!